Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

Hi all,

So I'm back on Match. Have messaged a few people but everyone's either too old (have had some 40 and 50 year olds liking me) or not my type. Not giving up hope though. I'm still thinking of trying salsa dancing if OLD doesn't work out ❤️

I went to his fully aware that sex was all it was but I wanted to try him out
you make him sound like a 2nd car you were taking out for a spin 🚗

Maybe NoShow though the same about me (she took me for 2 test drives, maybe she was being thorough) 🤷🏼

This is great advice thank you. Coincidentally, I’ve also got involved in a studying thing and am trying to really sort my house out. I’d love to move sometime too, and have plans to start exercise most days. So maybe I DO know what it means deep down, as I already had these things planned.

I’m not coming off the apps for now (I only just got back on them!) but I am tweaking them a little bit and have joined a walking group so maybe things are on the slight up for me?

I do have low self esteem and confidence, yes. I don’t look after myself properly. I mean, I shower every day and wear clean clothes but I don’t mind if they don’t match or whatever, if I’m clean and warm then I’m good to go.

I think I’ll get a haircut (which will also help on the ‘touch starved’ part of me) and maybe try harder with looking more presentable.

As for work, friends, family and hobbies, family is good. But everything else is merely ‘okay’. My house is messy which I hate, loads of bags ready for the rubbish or charity shops, I just need to do it. Friends are good but I don’t make enough effort with them. And hobbies - loads of new ideas, I just need to follow through with them. So yes, room for improvement.

My username was a spur of the moment thing when looking to change so it’s ok for now I think.

Thank you. It doesn’t sound rude at all, I like the directness of your advice very much.

So I’m finding that the limerence for that other man is fading slightly as I’m swiping and matching and having conversations.

And I have a question about Bumble. I’ve not paid, so can’t see who has liked me. But I’ve just realised today that the blurred profiles can be left or right swiped. Is that what everyone else does? Right swipe, see the unblurred profile and then either unmatch or send a message?

I don't pay for Bumble and see profiles just fine no blurring @BoredOfLooking

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers I say start the salsa dancing irrespective of where you are on the dating journey. It will be good to get out of the house, meet new humans, moving to music is always good - what's not to like!?!

@Mila14 good to have the mothership to muse musings with isn't it. Keep us updated with MrF developments im glad he's being interested and attentive. Making time for you in his busy day.

The as yet unmet MrLocal and I have enjoyed all day textual banter exchange which I do really like but reading others posts have reminded myself it means absolutely nothing.
A 1.5 hour phone call tonight. Really like talking to him but there's a but and I don't know what it is - not big on the questioning front but also weirdly has decided I'm marv without having met me yet.
He's new to OLD though I'm his first date post LTR. He was (bless) asking 'How does it work if we meet and we think we like each other do I have to ask you to be my girlfriend?' Errr no we just see if we want to go on another date. He also deffo (allegedly) does not want a casual relationship. He only does steady solid or not at all and would love to find a life partner.
Funny. Very very very sexy voice.
Also very sporty and I think quite lean (which I am not - I mean I exercise but I also like food too much to be lean). He's a sports coach by trade.

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated
That made me laugh.

I don't think I can do leaving people unread as have read receipts off.

As it happens I'm away overnight on the evenings he's suggested and as tempting as his popping in for an exact hour on Friday evening is I'll decline. Maybe I'll be entertaining someone else in my rare kid-free home by then anyway....

I miss his witty texts and sexy voice with hilarious accents voice memos and he was sending me cool new music but still glad we DTD and met and had our slightly crazy Date0&1. Odd how it went but I guess things often do.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I don’t mean the actual profiles, I mean the pictures of those who have right swiped on you, those pictures are just a blur. I had been leaving them there, I thought I had to pay to do anything with them. But I can actually swipe left or right on them and match, and therefore see the whole profile properly. So my question is, am I supposed to right swipe, match, see them and either send a message/quickly unmatch? Or is that bad to do that simply to unmatch?

That's a great Bumble hack @BoredOfLooking!

I'd right swipe on all then not message those you don't like the look of. The chat expires in 24 hours doesn't it if you don't initiate although I think they can pay to extend the chat window. Seems fair to me.

Salsa is great! Go for it @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers !

Oncey…fantastic update. I think it is good he wants a partner. Soon you will meet him and will see if there’s chemistry there. Don’t worry about fitness levels. He’s clearly a profesional and can’t expect the same level of commitment and hours in a partner with a different profession
You need to decide whether you want to get involved again with Mr Curly…😈

Hi - I am so glad I've found this because I feel like a total and utter dick at the moment.
Quick background - married 26 years, split 3 years ago, he was having an affair for the previous 5 years and god knows how many before that. It was a very emotionally, financially and coercive relationship and I spent two years with Womens Aid trying to sort myself out after it.

I jumped quite quickly into a relationship with an ex just to prove to myself that I was still attractive as I felt so crap. Really tried to make it work but there were really obvious reasons why we hadn't stayed together past our teens (no shit!)

Anyway, I'm here now - 55 single, living in Northern Ireland (where men seem to think they are gods!! - anyone else find that or just me?). Right this next bit is difficult to type but I'm kind, tall, clever, funny and quite pretty. I'm about a size 16 but as I'm 5'9" I can carry it off. I know that I have a lot of good qualities.

I HATE online dating with an absolute passion but I have no idea how else to meet someone. I know it sounds pathetic but I don't feel old and I'd quite like someone to share things with.

I joined Match 2 months ago. I've had abusive comments, sexual comments, met up with one guy who acted like he was god's gift and said he didn't want to see me again but he was so sorry.... Apart from the fact we'd spent nearly 4 hours together and he hadn't asked me anything about myself. And I'm not exaggerating.

Then I started messaging and whatsApping with this other guy. Lets call him Mr T. He looked lovely and ticked many boxes but he was about 3 hours away. One thing led to another and we ended up sexting, something I'd never done before but it was great. So we decided to meet up, purely on a physical level. He sent me a picture but, thank god, I didn't send him one.

I thought I could handle that but it turns out I couldn't. I tried to explain a bit more of my background to him. I am mortified to admit this but I sent 7 messages on Sunday, all of which were read and none replied to.

Yesterday I noticed his pictures were off his profile, from my messages, so I contacted him. He behaved like nothing had happened - I then, of course, over explained Sunday, although I said I am NOT apologising I'm merely telling you.

His reply - OK.

I know he is a prize, full of himself twat so why did I put myself in that position again?

Anyway, if you've got this far - well done and thank you.

There is a message above that resonated so much with me. And I was hoping that you might be able to hold my hand and let me see that everything isn't shit out there and that I might just get some good times, if nothing else.

Apologies for the long post but help a girl out please, thank you xx

@Definitelycross please send absolutely no more messages to this guy. Block and delete all contacts you have for him and put him firmly out of your mind. The feelings will subside. Occasionally I remember a few things I did of a similar nature and I literally shake my head to try to eradicate the memory. You sound like you have lots going for you so time to focus on quality interaction and if it’s not going in the direction that you want then stop and step away.

Thank you so much. I know you're absolutely right.

I didn't want to sound big headed but I'm trying so hard to believe the things my children and friends say. But underneath I'm crippled with insecurity. Ex DH and I couldn't have full sex for years as my body was just nope not happening. So to have a sexual interest from someone was heady.

I'm scared to do what you say even though I know you're right.

And I too do the shaking my head thing when I look back 😂😂

Mr T blocked and deleted.

This Bumble hack isn't working for me :-(

Attagirl. You know it’s the right thing to do. I’m completely new and also utterly rubbish at this, too, but the veterans on here are amazing and I’d never have got it off the ground without support from these wonderful ladies.

Not that Mr2Pugs is far off the ground. I got tipsy and said AMA (which he did last Friday, but I kept it really light, and then, bam, asked him out. Ambush!) and he wanted to know what I wanted and why him. I did not tell him his body, as I think he wants to go gently and it might scare him off (dammit!) but I did drop in a little hook here and there and….nothing. All the answers I got were about companionship and nice smiles. I’m an F cup on a small frame, and really short. He’s tall and he MUST have noticed. But nope, no mention of a great rack. Maybe he’s a leg man (although I’ve never met one that committed!). Still lots of lovely chatty texts daily. But not a sniff of anything raunchy at all.

The upshot is he doesn’t want to get married or cohabit, just companionship (well, hopefully not just….) and that’s great for me. Wild horses would not drag me down the aisle again. I also told him I am DONE with kids, just to be clear. Perhaps knowing that he’ll feel more comfortable getting, ahem, closer. We have agreed to progress to a kiss on the cheek greeting (not so calculating as it sounds. He said he felt super-awkward before, so I used my tipsy AMA to ask if he would have been comfortable with it) Progress is progress! Glacial, but still. Trust me to get the most gentlemanly man on tinder, when I’m feeling well up for it!

Ok.. newbie to OLD… I have a date with a new iron (only the second date since starting OLD a week ago). On paper he seems ideal so, I am really excited. In reality, I get that it is a numbers game and will probably have to go on loads more dates until I find ‘the spark’… how do you mentally approach dating?

Eeksteek

He sounds really respectful. I hope he turns out like you hope.

Trust me the ones who get sexual early have been such let downs.

Well I've just started and I'm rubbish so don't take what I say into any account.

My dont's are
Don't get too excited
Don't tell them too much
Don't feel too awful if it doesn't land

I agree Eeky … I’ve had the lots of banter and blah blah and it wasn’t that good in the end. He’s progressing adequately 😀

Well done you. Move on totally