Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

Welcome @Eeksteek your post made me laugh with its 'Oooops' and explicit break time thoughts and accidental swiping not saving for looking at later.
Have any of the lucky matches written anything more interesting than 'Hi Eek x' those ones get an instant binning from me. I'm looking for a witty intelligent conversationalist who comes in strong with a first intro. I've learned to assess and bin early.

Good luck and you'll find lots of support and collective wisdom here if you need it re meeting those matches which can be both daunting and exhilarating at first. Many of us similar to you found ourselves middle aged and dipping our tootsies into the strange world of online dating

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

curly is an odd one hey
hes definitely around just in a vague and confusing way

maybe sit back and let him chase and do NOTHING

its a good video , problem is where FWB and casual sit . I can’t have and don’t want anything serious which opens it to be way murkier and more confusing

final Pilates yesterday , got 4 touches (nothing inappropriate ! )

must shower before the next class (I wasn’t dirty but you know , feet in socks all day )

Mila did I see you have another potential iron

I’d love to know how you always get Rich ones!
are you swathed in diamonds in your profile pic !?

I seem to have a magnet for the poor ones

Eeksteek

ah it’s a story as old as time

mid 40s woman gets the horn
mid 40s woman joins tinder
400 dick pics later mid 40s woman joins another site !!!

I hear you @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers . I also feel pangs when I visit my friends in their huge houses and their expensive cars. Its normal to feel that way. Sorry youre feeling bad 💕💕

Hey @Thisisworsethananticpated 😘😘 yeah my anxiety is ok at the minute. Had some huge changes at work but things are evening out and working out well for me im happy to say. How are you sweetie?? 🥰

Battenburg!!! 😍💗💛💗💛 pink and yellow happiness! 💘

Four touches is a lot of touches @Thisisworsethananticpated my Pilates teacher touches us maybe once every three classes. She's a hetero female as am I. Just saying.
Perfumed tootsies as well as washed ones maybe?

Yes yes yes that Curly is effectively dead to me. I'll not hear from him again I'm pretty sure. And besides my own head has been given a proper good wobble for pursuing guys who don't meet my standards just because they are hilarious and gifted with words/creativity if they're self-centred, self-absorbed and insolvent I'll be popping them back in the pond pronto.

I've got at least four would-be dates being offered but have decided to insist on phone date 0s to assess chat/comms/curiosity match levels ahead of stepping out into the damp autumn weather to meet irl. Pretty sure only 2 will be able to go through to the next round (one lives with his mum and the other is way too non-quirky for me but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt)

ButterflyOfShay

good or bad changes ?

im ok , in fact better

had a massive blip late sept
but back on normal dose SSRI , exercising , HRT and slowing work down
plus a very kick ass therapist

next project is manage the 🍷

and a better 🍆🧠 strategy but that’s pushed into 2023 !!!!

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

you remind me of me in that we have very extreme reactions to perceived failure and success
for example the wording ‘dead to me ‘’

im the same !!!

yes I felt the same abiut the 4 touch
he wants me baby !

classes are now 730 pm so I can perfume feet
I did spray with deodorant but next class
pink polish
some Chanel perfume
🦶 ❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated I didnt know if it was going to be good or bad… turns out its all ok. Glad your new therapist is a keeper!!
I've done the whole of dry october so far, do feel better for it, predictably 😄

🦋
How does not drinking actually practically manifest in terms of wellbeing

im not a massive soak and a good week is 14 units
but any social event messes that up

yeah I had a major role change and at the time I was stressed to sxxt
but now I’m totally relieved !!!! As it’s way bettet
for my character type

Probably true @Thisisworsethananticpated thinking 'This is my guy!!!!' (On first text ffs 🙄🤔🤣🤨)

I need a therapist!

I'm due to run the numbers and get on top of budgeting this weekend - some would say 'Oncey if you have enough cash for meals out with random strange men off the internet, manicures and pedicures, new clothes, weekends away and several other non-basic spends then you deffo can stand down some of that frivolous spend for some deep digging with a psychologist you big dafty'

Fab video Oncey…100% right. Even if things get comfy and he decides to stay with you in the end…you are going to feel resentful you worked damn hard at this relationship and things where never even
I believe very much a guy is very lucky if we love him but I don’t believe in unrequited love.

I try to pick guys with a similar background as me. You can be drop dead gorgeous but I really don’t want to be changing my life much. I try to pre empt really quickly someone who will not work with my social / family circle either. I’m not looking for a FWB but for a partner. Being aligned socially and similar level of education matter to me. So I check them, made a mistake with MrO and did not check him thoroughly. I am risk averse
Im not in a hurry either as I know there’s “material” out there. Eventually almost everyone gets bored of dating crazy and look for some stability. I’ve worked like crazy to live ok and I prefer same in a guy.

Worsy…looks like you are doing great now, HRT, exercise galore and meds plus kick arse psychologist. Give yourself time to handle 🍆 🧠, but it’s ok to make mistakes and not to handle everything perfectly. What matters to me is that I move on quickly and not give myself a hard time for making a mistake. It’s allowed. As many mistakes as we actually need to make. Dusting ourselves off quick and unscathed is what counts . The 🍷 is really important. It must be a fun social thing instead of something you do alone.

You are our resident dating sage @Mila14 you could go professional with your wise words.

I think I'm going to tell my pre-irons that I'm battoning down the hatches for the winter season. Maybe. I have a lovely juicy list of personal projects I can't wait to get back into and have slipped due to a at too many party and sleepover weekends. No men required.

Mila14

your approach is businesslike but very effective !!!

I’ve always wanted a single dad and actually I want one that has either ND child or one with my challenges

I know that sounds strange , and I’m assuming that men without an understanding of this won’t be empathetic (and I have been proven correct on this !!)

one day, maybe , in a few years I’d like to be open to blending families
And my sons ain’t going to be leaving home 🏡 for a while yet

check me verbalising my vision 😁

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

you are right around therapy
but you will know when you feel ready
unfortunately it’s often when we hit rock bottom

I like to think I am businesslike as have my must-haves list which includes key things I then RIDICULOUSLY turn a blind eye to.

Moved away from kids
Insolvent
Not even slightly curious about me and who I am/where I've been and where I'm going/opinions blah blah blah
Don't fancy.

Also have no flat-earthers, no coke addicts, no racists, no crap in bed, no life-wasters, no non-foodies etc etc

Wtaf is the point of having a list, ignoring the facts as soon as they are revealed?
It must be something to do with being some weirdo liking anyone who likes me (thanks parents I'm looking at you...)

Like for example I decided to swipe right on a 'if you are vaccinated you and I probably won't get on' and now am merrily chatting to him.

Wtaf

I am vaccinated
Weirded out by people who opted out of being inoculated against Covid (my XH being one and a now dead neighbour being another - he died of covid)

And yet I swiped right. And I'm chatting. At least I was but he hasn't asked a single Q so I'll un match pretty soon.

I clearly do need some therapy. I'm not at rock bottom but I'm making some well-dodgy dating choices and I'm not impressed with myself

Worsy

I’ve always wanted a single dad and actually I want one that has either ND child or one with my challenges

This is totally right and believe me… many many parents have kids with ND issues and many of us at least have challenges with teen kids . I think empathy regarding kids is a must. I don’t date guys with no kids

Oncey

You are our resident dating sage @Mila14 you could go professional with your wise words.

Not at all seriously. I make mistakes like everyone but I try not to waste my time

By the way, date 0 video call is a great idea ( @ibelieveinmirrorballs was strongly suggesting this).
I had a video call with a second possible iron and totally ditched the possibility. He’s been texting how sexy I am and can we meet for a drink. I don’t want to meet him and I will send message later to wish him well. Nothing wrong with him but he’s too eager and I just did not feel attraction

Yes I do always do phone call then quickly video call before meeting - having tried this I can’t imagine missing out these key steps now.. it’s excruciating turning up and realising immediately you don’t fancy someone and the chance of this is at least reduced substantially with video calls.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss don’t be hard on yourself. Almost everyone finds this OLD park a learning process and very few of us start with good boundaries and radars.

MrN was here last night for a lovely rare midweek date - he really is wowing me in this cost of living crisis by delivering me some free hand chopped firewood as well… 🤩. We’re off tomorrow for a weekend away so all’s good on that front.

@Mila14 oh now thats what I call action for a wet and windy thursday!!!
NYC man tall handsome suggesting dinner locations, we insist on mid drink update!!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss the 4000 week book is revelationary isn't it?