Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

😂😂😂😈…you are brilliant!

@Hughgrantstrousers 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

Have jotted down things I would do differently whenst dabbling on OLD from my Summer/Autumn 2022 learnings.

1. Not stepping away at the merest hint of a personal red flag - for me it's the obvious lack of Qs or curiousity AND the subsequent chat linked to my answers
2. Giving way too much of myself via text before they've earned my interest - text in the future will only be used to arrange next meet-up in the early stages.
3. Caring when they stepped away or dropped out. But only for a day or two so maybe this is ok.
4. Toxic strange rationale that because they've been in very long term relationships I should like them - such a daft conclusion as it would mean I should be a good match with practically everyone.

@NoDatingForOldMen, I prefer Nice biscuits, will those work? But do you think the elusive men will worry I'm trying to drug them? Do you think they might I'm a biscuit crumbing tease?

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss, I like your list.

For myself (and this would also be my advice for others), too many questions are also a big bright silky red flag. For example those about finances.

And I will never ever tell a man I've been abused by another one. It's like catnip for predators.

That's such a good shout @DoomsdayPrep yes yes yes. I must have learned that re abusive intel a while back as tend to say 'we grew apart & he had an affair' when irons ask of my kids' dad. No mention of him being a broken narcissist bastard is made.

I've never had one ask too many Qs but can imagine it is a 🚩 esp when they want to know how much you earn, have in savings etc. 🙄

Nice biscuits should work fine, or maybe a Bourbon?

if your were in Yorkshire I would suggest a keeping a few slices of Battenberg cake about your person, and maybe a copy of ”Steam Railway” magazine, what man could say no to that 😂

mmm just think about Battenberg makes me hungry

God I love Battenburg. You may end up attracting all sorts of inappropriate people with that!

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss I like your list too. Similar thoughts here.
Keeping the texts brief until a chat / meet is arranged, or it just becomes a waste of ones time.

Hi folks, me again. Feeling a bit emotional at the mo and I just need a rant....

For new posters, I'm late 20's, and I still live with my parents. I have cerebral palsy and their house is adapted for my needs. I haven't been able to work for the last two years due to my disability, and I'm now studying for my level 5 qualification in HR.

I am so hacked off with my mum. She just doesn't get me at all.

I told her I can't date right now because I have nothing to offer a man. I ideally want a job, a place of my own etc.

I think she has some mad idea that the men that I meet will like me, the only man I've dated loved me and wanted to give me a family (which I really want) and then he decided he didn't want me. Some days, I wish we never broke up
as he didn't mind that I didn't have a job and I still lived with my parents. And he seemed willing to give me what I wanted. It's got to the stage where I can't talk to people at my book club about their children or families because I'm worried that I'll end up screaming at them.

It's just hit me that by the time I do end up meeting a man that I feel comfortable with, I'll probably be pass the age that I can get pregnant, and that upsets me. I think my mum wants me to be like my friend, who is older than me (mid to late 40's) who lives with her husband and her cat. She's always known that she didn't want children. For me the realisation was quite late, but now I know that's what I want.

I always think of my ex (regular posters will know about him as I've mentioned him previously) when thinking about having children because he was the first person that said he wanted them with me. I was so happy that someone saw me as an equal. Until he didn't that is. I had visions of us living a lovely life together. Until he put the nail in the coffin and said he didn't like me as a lover (I'm a virgin, so was he)

I know I should move on, but I suppose it's hard for me to imagine a man ever thinking that way again. And I don't want to meet a man, want a family and then not be able to have them because of being too old. I just want to be like everyone else.

Sorry it's a bit long ❤️

What's also fulled this is that I had an upsetting Facebook exchange with my biological father (who I've not seen since the late 1990's) he's very self Centred and never asks how I'm doing, etc. (the main reason for him messaging me was to ask why my mum (his ex girlfriend) has blocked him on Facebook)

I basically said to him that he has no idea how I cope every day, and that if I hadn't been disabled, i would have loved a family by now (he was going on about his dead mother, who I also haven't seen since I was a child,) and his flashy job)

He just didn't react to what I was saying at all. I think it just got me thinking about things and I've been quite up and down since then. I ended up saying to him that it would have been better if he hadn't had children in the first place. Which must have shut him up as I haven't heard anything since.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers so sorry to read your posts. I can feel your hurt and disappointment coming through.
I have a 20s daughter at home who also has disabling conditions and believes she has nothing to offer a man but I disagree. You are both unique individuals who would make some lucky man very happy to be in a loving relationship with you.
So you get out much for human contact with other adults? This might be a nice thing to consider to build your social life and resilience.

By the way having children is not all it's cracked up to be. It's often thankless and relentless and hard work and financially ruining. If I knew now what I didn't know at your age I'd get a dog and be happy not to raise kids but it's so hard when your biological clock is chiming loudly.

I met a woman this week who has had a baby as a singleton. Is this an option for you? Probably not given your non-working status.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss thanks for your post. I feel much the same as your daughter at times. I completely understand how she feels.

I'm having to retrain as I can't do the jobs I trained in any more and need something remote. I used to work in customer service but getting that sort of job Is not an option either.

Getting pregnant on my own is something that has crossed my mind, but I couldn't do it at the moment as I would need a job and my own place. I could look into having my eggs frozen but I know it's expensive and but I don't know if I'd be too young for that. I just think that by the time I'd 'done the rounds' with a man, it'll be too late. I just don't think I could live my life with just a man and a pet, like my mum thinks I should. 🤔

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss forgot to mention that I do have friends, but I'm not able to see them regularly as they don't live near me and have their own lives. It scares me a bit having friends my own age in case they have a family, and I know I'd resent them, which I absolutely don't want.

@Badbaddogagain, I always attract (and am attracted to) the inappropriate!

@NoDatingForOldMen, I'm afraid that if I turn up with a Battenberg I'll just attract another man with an unhealthy interest in abstract formalism. Maybe...Parkin?

And oh let me tell you, I do not want a man who knows too much about the steam engine. Or WW2. (These tend to be the same kind of men). NO.

And oh let me tell you, I do not want a man who knows too much about the steam engine. Or WW2. (These tend to be the same kind of men). NO.

now I’m really upset, I can’t tell you the number of times I have extolled the virtues of the 4-4-2 axle setup compared to the 4-2-2 axle setup, oh the joyous hours I have whiled away explaining this (in great depth), to my dates, not one of them called me back, not one !

no wonder I’m a lonely single old man with an unhealthy Monty Python obsession

I’m mean, who don’t like this..

Just in case anyone needs to see this one.

https://youtube.com/shorts/KvB7ma8WE6I?feature=share

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

sounds like a bit too much bringing you down today

missing an ex
mum issues (I’m sure she loves you but it’s alot for you both and you live together , some space maybe needed !)
dad issues
and thinking about the future

it’s a lot x

the good thing is you have your course which is a major positive to focus on

and notwithstanding some days it’s a bit much xxxx

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers , jeez woman, that sounds like you are dealing with a ton of stuff, don’t be so hard on yourself

Had video call with MrF…he’s…very very tall 👀…and I found him…quite attractive…he’s not my usual beautiful man but there’s something very masculine and soothing about him and the way he speaks. He’s back from NY.

he lives in my part of town too!!. We were going to go for a drink but he changed his mind and it’s dinner now… sent me 2 places to choose from. So I chose one. He’s got a power city job and kid 50% which is brilliant. I realised after dating MrO briefly I don’t want a retired chap with grown up gone kids either. I’m cool with this…very different.

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers
you are seeing all the negatives right now but focus on your career and on finding your own way ahead. You are young and time is on your side. It will be fine. Just concentrate on yourself, your career and getting to the place you need to stay well and confident to date someone you find appropriate

Oooooooooh @Mila14 this is exactly the sort of update the mothership likes to read about. When is this dinner date with tall muscular professional Mr F? Exciting!

Here's yet another (the last I promise).

I had a voice note from the confusing MrCurly which had me more confused than his kissless dashing from my car after handsy flirty evening and his insisting on buying dinner despite being skint. Then I saw this video and it set me straight especially as I'm reading the book everyone is raving about '4000 weeks' being the approx number of weeks we have on this planet so best to choose what to do/not do. Fretting after fellas who aren't that interested in me that I never really saw a future with either is plain stupid.

Thanks! Such a great message in that video and I love his delivery!

rRe the steam engine thing - Mr Serb who I am smitten by has a similar niche interest that he did not share with me as it is so boring to women but we do other hobbies together. The other day I did just once accompany him to his interest and was blown away by how I genuinely did find it interesting-don’t dismiss before you have at least tried it. Will not be a consuming passion of mine but just another thing that I can share occasionally and enjoy.

Ooops.

Haven’t had, or even remotely wanted a man around for ten years, in any capacity. Positively anti-relationships. Went to an extremely boring training session yesterday with a nice looking trainer and found myself having explicit daydreams in the boring bits.

So I thought, why not have a look? I’m just looking! Downloaded Tinder, set up a super-basic profile, was super careful NOT to swipe right (cause even I know that’s not just looking) but created what I naively thought was a shortlist of profiles to go back and look at. Only it isn’t, is it? The hearty-thing was a swipe-right in disguise, not a private ‘favourites’ as I naively assumed. So I’ve done a LOT more swiping than I thought, and I even have a match with a very nice-but-normal looking guy, too.

I have not dated since I was 17 years old. At 44, I may need a bit of handholding, and if I’m going to go around making naive mistakes like that, a firm talking to about not being so impulsive!