Dating thread 234 ... spooky times ahead

[BelladiMamma]

New thread!

Could someone else please copy and paste the rules ...?

QueenConsort

why would it be off ?
that’s major self doubt there (and very human )

assume on and If really worried ping him before you get ready ?

I don't know, I've normally had people confirm the day of the meeting.

Well can’t you text him and say ‘hey still good for later ‘ ?
he’s just a human being !

@QueenConsort I'd definitely be assuming it's off OFF if the date person hasn't been in touch that would (a) irk me and (b) would leave me with a level of ambiguity

I also think (from my recent experiences and posts on this forum) that I'm probably quite needy and in need of frequent contact, assurance and also ENTHUSIASM from a new guy so I'd be turned off by a missing 'Yay no more sleeps! Cannot wait to see you' but that's just me. I'm long term single so might not be best person to give dating advice!

yeah I agree with the last post really, it's just a bit off-putting and makes me not want to bother now! I definitely don't want to pursue someone with this lack of effort from the start :-)

Oncey…what’s happening with Mr Curly??

But didn’t you confirm the date yesterday ?
so what would have changed in 24 hours ?

Yesterday we agreed a time. I gave him my number but he never messaged to give me his. I messaged him on the app last night to say hi and he said he was just on his way out but will catch up today.

Nothing today, not even sharing numbers, nor on the app.

So even though we did technically decide a time he hasn't got back in touch.

I just think it would be polite for him to check in and say hi this is my number, are we still good for later etc....

QueenConsort

now you say that I understand the frustration

i thought you were texting

you have two options
wait for him
or message now and say ‘we still on later’ and then you know ?

I always drop a "just checking we're still on for later?" message on the day - can't be arsed getting ready if not and don't want to risk an unnecessary stand up

Date2 invitation has just arrived from MrCurly. Nil prompting from me. My loins are instantly all a-tither (the polar opposite of an 'instant ick')

I was about to report in that I thought we might be penfriends but I jump to conclusions wayyyyyy to quickly.

I cancelled.

Maybe a bit shallow as he seems nice but I know I'm not gonna fancy him so it seems easier this way than going and then letting him down.

Also chatting to Mr Three but on asking what he wants it's to have fun, meet new people etc. I'm definitely looking for something serious at this stage with the right person ( it's been 3 years on the sites).

Brilliant Oncey… you still need to try the specimen and report to the mothership 😂😂😂

QueenConsort

have a lovely evening at HOME x

Well done @QueenConsort …it’s a waste of time if you don’t like him. One needs to cancel right, left and center if unsure of the guy is not seeking a relationship when what you want is exactly that.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

nice (date text ) 😁🍷🧠….

Agreed…so far I haven’t been stood up but I think it’s because I am too recent on this OLD malarkey

Good for you @QueenConsort that's elegantly done. I like your style.

Can I have thoughts from mothership on the philosophy of asking an irons intentions on dating apps - whether they're up for casual easy times or recruiting for long term life partners.

I think it's a bit pointless as irons can say yes yea up for long term but then be a shaggy bastard. On the other hand if they were honest in just looking for FWB I guess you could say thanks but no thanks.

Basically is it naff and stupid to ask an iron or is it best practice?

I think it’s pointless asking, you just have to get to know someone and work out compatibility over time. They may be looking for a life partner, quite genuinely, but that still may not be you because you’re not compatible

That matches my thinking @Badbaddogagain

Thanks you.

I’ve realised what I’m looking for is love, so I started to ask whether that person was open to love. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes and rates of escalation, and I have a history of going for emotionally unavailable types, so it’s a good way of identifying that early on.

With ex-iron-now-occasional-lover for example he wanted a relationship, but as it turns out not a particularly exclusive one and he’s never ever told anyone he loves them. Somehow this didn’t become evident for a while..!

Its normal to want to take things a bit slowly and keep things relatively casual/relaxed until you’ve both identified you’re compatible longer term, so I do t think the “are you looking for serious or casual?” question is quite right.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

i would not ask either
I think you can discern people and get the measure of them

and I don’t know people don’t know what they want all the time

but agree that ❤️Comes in all shapes and forms