Sex while asleep

[Rachellilllian]

I woke up a night ago as my partner turned me over and started having sex with me, I was fast asleep when he started. They was no hug or fondle just straight in. 18 months together and he has never done this before, but I feel uncomfortable. When I asked me about it the morning, he just said sorry that he didn’t know who had started it.

I think we can guess.

Did you read what the OP said?

He didn't "start touching her" or try and wake her up for middle of the night sex. He rolled her over and raped her. No touching, no teasing, not a single attempt to get consent or to do anything for her to enjoy it. Just took what he felt entitled to.

And when she expressed her discomfort rather than being apologetic he's been cold and distant - as if she's in the wrong to object to being used as a sex object by him.

You’ve pointed out more than enough tripe on this thread.

If OP had clarified she was ok with this happening, then we wouldn’t have this thread now, would we, Sherlock?

But please tell us one more time about how your boyfriend likes sleep sex. We haven’t heard it quite enough yet. Christ.

You're wrong. It's actually the exact opposite of this that should be expected. Unless they specifically have discussed and agreed to him having sex with her when asleep he shouldn't do it!

I've never ever had to say 'dear actually I don't like it when you rape me in my sleep so don't do that from now on'.

You're deluded!

This is undeniably rape. I’m so sorry this has happened to you, especially from someone who you should be able to trust.

call the cops, dump him

You don't need to say no. İt doesn't feel right because it wasn't right what he did. He raped you as you slept, you had no time to say no as he was already committing the act. Please report this.

Sending you hugs right now as personally know you must feel violated (((hugs)))
Do not forgive him, this can not be made right nor his actions justified in any way at all.

Rapists/rape apologists. There’s a sickeningly high number of them about, hence the low conviction rates I guess.

Your bf probably does this because he knows you're ok with it, and it's not a boundary issue for you.

Very different to the situation in the OP

Having sex with a sleeping partner when there has been no prior discussion on the topic, is rape. The OP didn't consent, she feels shit about it the morning after and is uncomfortable.

If you know your partner enjoys being woken up by a BJ then that's different to just shoving his dick in your mouth as he sleeps randomly.

Context is key

You can’t argue with stupid, unfortunately.

This is rape and it tried to minimise it.

Leave him. He has just shown you his true face.

What’s ridiculous is how women have been indoctrinated to be okay with being part of a man’s fantasy to have sex with an unconscious woman. What man in their right mind wakes up in the night and feels entitled to use his partner for sexual gratification? A man gets aroused looking at his sleeping partner? A hard pass from me.

This thread just sums up that up exactly.

How will we ever do anything about the rape crisis women are facing in this country when other women can’t even be supportive to victims? The fucking bare minimum.

No, you can't point out fallacies

It's the other way around, unless they have had the discussion to say this type of sex is ok, he shouldn't do it

The fact you compare a blow job to rape (you do realise that rape is penetrating with a penis without consent... nothing like a blow job) shows how clueless you are.

It doesn't matter how "different" your relationship is. It's very clear from the OP's posts this isn't a consensual thing that's part of their relationship. So banging on about what you would think if your boyfriend - who is aware you consent - did it is at best poor and at worst deliberately minimising rape.

Can I just point out, if op isn't happy for her boyfriend to do this and has told him and communicated with him about it and he has still contained to force and ignore her then obv this is not okay!

@pumpkinsboo OP doesn't have to communicate that she doesn't want someone to shag her while she's asleep. That's the default position. A conversation would have to be had for someone to have consent to do anything else.

If my boyfriend did this, I really wouldn't class it as rape... if I really wasn't in the mood or didn't like him doing that I'd just tell him.

But you couldn't when he started, because you'd be asleep. Which is the fucking point. Sex without consent is rape.

All the people who have established boundaries beforehand have consent. Those without, don't. Unless you believe that women should always consent, at all times, to someone they are in a relationship with. Rape within marriage was legal until recently after all.

I despair of the shit spoken about consent, I really do. For the lurkers, SEX REQUIRES CONSENT.

@JustLyra thank u. If he had woken me a cuddle and some gentle touching sure it would of be different but like u said he didn’t he rolled me over and just started. I just didn’t react, I don’t know why. I wish I had so much now.

This is the important thing, if it’s been out in the open that this is ok. When I was younger and a lot more horny I would let my partner know it was acceptable and that I liked it. Nowadays though I absolutely wouldn’t (I’m not in a relationship but if I was this aspect wouldn’t be part of my life now).

You are accusing a victim of rape of being "nutty" and on a "wind up"and excusing this man's behaviour to the op? You still stand by that, do you? Awful post from an awful person.

@pumpkinsboo there’s a difference between gently waking your partner via “touching up” then consensually having sex together vs full penetration without consent from them then waking them up in the process. you might be okay with that but OP clearly isn’t, so what’s your point and what is your purpose of posting? this thread isn’t about you.

@DontBlameMe79

”I can consent ahead of time if I want to”

You consented. OP did not. How is this not crystal clear to you?!

But yes, continue arguing with posters so you can regale us further with your sexual endeavours. That no one gives a flying fuck about.

I'm just pointing out that people have different boundaries and relationships than just jumping to tell someone to go to the police that's all I'm saying.

But you don't need to point this out! It's crass and tasteless and doesn't help the OP whatsoever.

No I was accusing someone else of being nutty, not OP

Don't you give yourself a single second of grief. Freezing is a very, very common reaction to sexual assault and rape.

Please speak to rape crisis and get some specialist help to process everything.

He's being cold because he knows. He knows he was in the wrong and there is no defence. He knows that you didn't consent. He knows that when you woke up you didn't react in a positive way. And he knows that you know he didn't care about your pleasure, or you at all. It was all about his gratification.

Be very careful. He's likely to either go defensive or try to love bomb you.

Don’t be hard on yourself OP, it’s a normal fight, flight or freeze response, it’s pure self preservation. Plus there’s probably the added fear that if you tell him to stop, he might not, and then there’s no room for your brain to hide from the fact that it’s rape.

Have you got real life support?