Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

@MrsMontyD I didn't say that. You are extrapolating.
I said that online personas can be - and often are- entirely fictitious because it's much easier to build up a fictitious life online and keep that going compared to meeting in person where the lies may be obvious by body language etc.

I didn't say that meeting men in person means they are 100% honest.

You really should have mentioned that your Mum lives in Hebden Bridge/Totnes in the OP.

Then we'd all have known she was fine if a little weird.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

sshh do you think people realise that the queen’s funeral was hijacked by the bohemian conspiracy at the heart of the armed forces - you know all those drums mesmerising the whole nation.

things we are missing here, its the Ops view that her mum is too trusting, we do not know how long her mum has been talking to this man, presumably long enough to establish that he would be interested in spending a day doing ‘hippy’ type activities.
No I didnt ‘grow up’ with the internet but I’ve been using it longer than my 18 year old son.

Her mum did text her on the day as she promised but it sounds like she was actually busy doing something more interesting than texting. She has met this man, we havent, the date was conducted in public, with a group of people. She wasnt whisked away to a solitary cabin in the woods.

Agree. You know nothing about a man you meet in a pub.

What makes it sound like she's having a good time? Where did you find that nugget? She said she would contact. She hasn't. She's met a stranger, has not contacted as planned and now isn't answering. What in that scenario suggests she is having a great time?

How many women hang out in pubs with the intention of finding a date?

It's not the same as actively looking online.

And the keeping safe rules apply to both. I'd not get into a car or invite an unknown man back to my home wherever we'd met.

It's shocking some of you feel that is absolutely fine.

RTFT.

She messaged OP last night and is absolutely fine.

Quite astonishing that you consider someone in their 50s to be ‘older and vulnerable’.

She IS vulnerable though.
OP has said she is way too trusting - that makes her vulnerable.

Her age makes her extra vulnerable as she has not grown up with internet dating and is less familiar with it than someone who may be younger.

Meeting men in bars etc is completely different to meeting someone off the internet.

Yes they can both lie, yes they can both be dangerous but we know there are many people on OLD whose intentions aren’t dating or having sex.
If you aren’t used to OLD then you may not be aware of that.

I don't think anyone is exactly saying it's a good idea to take a man back to our house on the first date or get a lift in their car, but that as an adult we all risk assess our own actions and make our own decisions.

The idea that the men we meet online now are in some way more dangerous than the men it was perfectly normal to meet in a pub and have a one night stand with 20 years ago is ridiculous, it's like my mother saying children were safer playing on the streets when I was a child because there were no child sex offenders in the 70s, they've all suddenly appeared because of the internet.

The basis of this thread is that the OPs mother is in her 50s and therefore doesn't know what she's doing and needs protecting by her daughter, it's fundamentally ageist.

OLD has been around since 1995, it's not new.

Wow how patronising. Yes I am aware thanks even though I am <shock> over 50. 🙄

@Noteverybodylives I'm mid fifties too and def not vulnerable when it come to OLD. It's been around since I was in my 30's. How old do think we really are!!!

@AclowncalledAlice This is one of the most patronising threads I've seen on here for a long time.

Women in their 50s run countries FFS we're not in our bloody dotage. I run multi million pound projects at work, I can use an OLD app and decide who to date and how without my daughter holding my hand. I can read the safety information and decide how to implement it.

I'm mid fifties too and def not vulnerable when it come to OLD. It's been around since I was in my 30's. How old do think we really are!!!

Well going by some of these replies saying that meeting someone at a bar has the same risks at meeting someone off the internet is pretty telling.

The OPs mum is vulnerable as she is too trusting.
That mixed with her lack of OLD knowledge makes her doubly vulnerable.

@StopStartStop this is the post up thread about older people being promiscuous. This is def the one post on this thread that has outraged me!

All the people in their 50s saying they're not naive, know all about men and the Internet, so are therefore not vulnerable when using OLD...why not? How do you make sure you're as safe as possible?
I'm willing to bet it involves a bit more than jumping into a stranger's car, inviting them home with you and keeping your fingers crossed.
And if it doesn't, then like it or not, and however old you are, you are making yourself vulnerable.

@Noteverybodylives you said

Her age makes her extra vulnerable as she has not grown up with internet dating and is less familiar with it than someone who may be younger.

She may have a tendency to be a bit too trusting but it's nothing to do with her age!

Thank you, I couldn't find it!

You think you have to grow up with the internet to be familiar with it?! Many people in their 50s have been using the internet for over 30 years which is a lot longer than some of the people who have grown up with it. What generation do you think invented the internet? Stop with all the ageist ridiculous crap.

Exactly the same way as someone in their 30s, why would it be any different because I'm 50?

There are a lot of 50 year old women getting triggered on here which I’m sure is nobody’s intention.

However, pretending a 50 year old is vulnerable in the same way a 25 year old is is just plain silly.

How many times have there been stories in the paper of women getting scammed - the majority of which are 40+.

Of course younger women get scammed too (tinder swindler) but a younger women is going to often be naive in a completely different way than someone older than her.

I was genuinely shocked that my colleague could not grasp that the men messaging her weren’t real.

She may have a tendency to be a bit too trusting but it's nothing to do with her age!

If someone is too trusting AND not familiar with OLD then yes that makes her extra vulnerable.

Her age isn’t anything to do with being too trusting.
They are two separate things.

Her age makes her more vulnerable on OLD as PPs of the same age have highlighted suggesting that meeting someone off the internet vs the bar carries the same risks.

But can anyone tell me specifically why someone in their 50s is more vulnerable when OLD?

I first used a computer in 1983 and an early version of the internet in 1991, it's not new and we're not old.

You are the one being "plain silly". If anything, I've seen a lot more stories of people in their 20s being scammed than those in their 40s.

How is a man you've just met in a bar safer than a man you've just met online? There's no difference, you know nothing about either of them, they could both be telling you a pack of lies. They should be treated in the same way.