Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

However, pretending a 50 year old is vulnerable in the same way a 25 year old is is just plain silly.

How many times have there been stories in the paper of women getting scammed - the majority of which are 40+.

@Noteverybodylives yes the majority of them are 40+ because they are actually 70+ like my parents generation.

It isn't any different. Which is why I said 'however old you are'
50s women on the thread seem to be taking great offence at the idea that they (we) should be careful and that if we're not, other people have no right to worry because we're all so wise and experienced.
The thread isn't about 50 year old woman in general. It's about OPs mum who does seem to be taking risks.

@MrsMontyD I couldn't agree more it is exactly the same

Mid-50s = born in the late 1960s.

I started using the internet from about 1996; if I'd been born in the late 1960s, I'd have been still in my 20s at the time.

I know some people in their 70s who can't really use the internet adeptly (and I also know plenty of 70-somethings who are really good online), but of course the vast majority of women in their 50s are competent users.

How is a man you've just met in a bar safer than a man you've just met online? There's no difference, you know nothing about either of them, they could both be telling you a pack of lies. They should be treated in the same way.

Thank you for making my point.

Of course they can both be dangerous and you shouldn’t trust a man you’ve just met in a bar either but OLD carries extra risks.

The first one being the obvious one that at least the person you are talking to is the person they say they are and not someone of a completely different age or sex, or as my friend found out a group of 3 men.

You are less likely to go home with someone you’ve just met at a bar vs someone who’ve been speaking to for months and think they are trustworthy.

There are a lot of 50 year old women getting triggered on here which I’m sure is nobody’s intention.

They're not "triggered" (please don't use bloody silly psychobabble words). They're telling you that you're talking rubbish.

yes the majority of them are 40+ because they are actually 70+ like my parents generation.

Saying someone who’s 70+ is more vulnerable than someone who’s 50+ when it comes to online scams proves my point.

It’s not ageist, it’s just facts.

The average 20 year old knows much more about the internet of today, than the average 50 year old that is just facts.

Someone who is pretending to be the opposite sex or is significantly older, different ethnicity etc. etc. isn't going to turn up to meet you in a busy coffee shop on the high street on a Saturday afternoon, if they have bad intentions they're going to want to meet you somewhere private, so if you're following safety advice you're still just as safe.

Neither is safe to take home. Dangerous men can be found everywhere.
However, you are more likely to run into one on a site with thousands of users from all walks of life, who are actively seeking out women, than you are to be unlucky enough that Steve you got chatting to in the local, minding his business, out with his mates on a Friday night is going to be one of them.

I'm neither 50 nor 20.

Sure, I've seen older women being roped into some dodgy shit online.

I'm also seeing an awful lot of young women being gaslit into some nakedly ridiculous scams that regularly make my jaw drop (accepting guys who can't be bothered to commit to them on the grounds that it's "polyamory" / being scammed into Only Fans and similar shite / believing they aren't a real girl and should have a bunch of surgical procedures because they like short hair and geeky stuff and aren't interested in grooming themselves to within an inch of their lives and / getting pressured into dangerous porn-play like anal sex because that's what cool girls without hangups do).

Nearly all of these emperor-has-new-clothes scams are being propagated by the internet--you know, the tool that young women are supposed to be so savvy about.

MLMs, meanwhile, continue to reel in women of all ages. That said, the majority of the women I see on my Facebook trying to sell me dreadful looking makeup and skincare are under 40.

People of any age can be smart. People of any age can be scammed.

Great. Fine. But I'm assuming then you don't tell your adult children you're going out on a first date with some Internet random & you'll keep in touch during the day?

Neither is safe to take home. Dangerous men can be found everywhere.
However, you are more likely to run into one on a site with thousands of users from all walks of life, who are actively seeking out women, than you are to be unlucky enough that Steve you got chatting to in the local, minding his business, out with his mates on a Friday night is going to be one of them.

Thanks for this @5128Gap You have said the same as I did, but in perhaps a better way!

I can read the safety information and decide how to implement it
@MrsMontyD You are highly capable, clearly, but running £M projects at work doesn't mean you or any woman of any age is streetwise. This has nothing to do with being able to use a computer or manage people at work.

And you are not the OP's mother, or doing OLD as far as we know.

You do seem to be missing the OP's point that her mother has form for being rather too trusting.

OLD is a cesspit of many people pretending to be who they are not. Yes, there are some decent people there. Both my DCs met their partners online.

But it's a very different set-up to popping into town for a night out, meeting a bunch of blokes, usually with their mates, where you can then judge from the outset what they look like, how they sound, how they interact with other people. But you'd still be a fool to accept a lift or take them back to your house.

When you're single in your 40s or 50s because your Husband of 20 odd years had an affair out of the blue (or your own version of the story) you don't trust a word some man in a pub (or OLD) says until he proves it, you don't even trust your own instincts. It's unfortunately called life experience.

’Am I the only one who'd be more worried after reading that text?’

*‘I hope she's not being groomed for a cult or something.‘I

Nope you’re not the only one.

I think she’s very naive and silly and she probably has some sort of SN which makes her more vulnerable which is why OP was so worried about her.

This place, honestly. Jesus.

I am 52 and I think one key risk factor not mentioned yet is being fresh to dating. I never came out of a long marriage, having lost touch with how people approach dating, so I had an awareness of dating norms an expectations.
Like a pp said, I also know a much younger woman who was gaslit into a "polyamorous" relationship with a fuckwit she met online. She had a tiktok ac, Instagram, twitter yes and im only on fb but I was never talked in to a polygamous relationship. I reframed the situation for her.
I remember the Internet and OLD from my mid 20s so, naivety is real i know this but I dont think just being 50 something automatically makes you more vulnerable.

Stay safe everyone brave enough to deal with OLD.

Ps not offended I just think the 50 something is a red herring. Ask instead is she new to dating. Is she too trusting. Has something happened to make her wary. Are her friends swapping dating stories?

PMSL. I wouldn't go on a date with an internet random full stop. And if I did go on a date via the 'normal' route, I wouldn't be telling my adult children. I'd be telling my friends, though, and I would let one of them know I was alive. But it would absolutely not be right for my adult children to be fussing about me (and I get on brilliantly with them all). My job is to fuss about them, not the other way round.

😂 Brilliantly put.

Yeh I had a response to the head tilting concern for 50 somethings but I wasn't triggered. No illusions about the risks women take and are forced to take, even just jogging or shopping.

If you're in your fifties, you may well have been using the internet for half your life.

There's a pretty good chance that there are mums on here whose parents met online.

Bloody hell. A tracker and a safety check by the police??

And RTFT, mummy has checked in.

This inability to recognise that people in their fifties (and older) were actually those who designed, built and popularised the internet reminds me of an argument a writer friend of mine had with an editor, some time in the early 2000s. He'd submitted an article about post-war Britain in which he'd mentioned Teddy Boys. "Their style was typified by drape coats, crepe-sole suede shoes and DA (duck's arse) hairstyles."

The editor said, "You can't say "duck's arse". Most of our readers are in their sixties and seventies, and they wouldn't like it."

He said, "It's 2005. If they're in their sixties and seventies now, they bloody invented it."

OP did to us what her mum did to her. We waited all night for an update whilst she slept. She waited all evening for an update whilst her mum did whatever she did.
I think it is good to update people who are concerned. It takes seconds.

Well op is she ok , you are being very quiet hope she had a great night