Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

If you are going on a date with someone you've met off the internet, standard and very basic safety advice is to let someone else know where you're going and when you expect to be back.

Finding this thread really quite odd. The age/relationship of OP has nothing to do with it, it's just common sense!

She is a grown woman able to make her own judgements, regardless of your views about them, so treat her as such.

@AclowncalledAlice Age and wisdom do not always go hand in hand.

And it's not the OP's opinion actually.

It's a keeping-safe strategy for OLD, which all the better websites have on their sites as a guide.

In case you aren't aware yourself, these safety tips for a first/ few dates include

-always meeting in a public place

-letting a friend know where you are

-calling them to let them know you are safe (ideally by an agreed time) and possibly when you come home

-being able to make your own way there and back (not accepting a lift by a stranger you have known for a few hours)

-not drinking so much that your decision-making and safety is jeopardised.

-not inviting your date to your home, initially, or going back to their place.

The OP describes how her mum has ignored most of these so far (wit previous dates and clearly this latest one.)

Someone needs to 'have a word' and if it's not the OP then one of her Mum's friends.

So, if it’s odd, what do you think might be the matter?

I'm around your mum's age and believe it or not, she has managed to make it near 60 years and raise you without killing you. Give her more credit.

It's insulting to be thought stupid and naive once past a certain age.
She knows how men are. They suddenly haven't changed since the internet came about.

OP doesn't know her mother wasn't in contact with friends. It sounds like she wasn't on her own with the date either.

Your friend is delusional. I assure you no women are throwing themselves at his old saggy balls.😂

Quite.😂

OP doesn't know her mother wasn't in contact with friends. It sounds like she wasn't on her own with the date either.

She was 'dropped off' by the man at her home. so she got into a man's car when she'd known him for just hours.

No one thinks she's naive because she's 50. People think it's naive to trust men she's met on OLD. Which it is.
Its not whether men have changed (though ime, I think they have) it's more that OLD can attract any old weirdo, you know nothing about, who may well have misrepresented himself. You're more likely to encounter this on OLD than in the old days of getting chatted up in the local bar.

Your friend is delusional. I assure you no women are throwing themselves at his old saggy balls

Actually, I have a single male friend in his mid 60s, own hair, teeth, ex-professional career, fit etc- and women are always chasing him. He gets fed up with the attention from women he meets at the Ramblers, volunteering etc.

Well who could blame them? Hair and teeth you say..? What a rare prize he must be.😂

OP, I hope for your sake that the papers don't pick up this story as your mum would recognise herself in a second after you published her entire text message in full for the world to read.

I understand being worried but I think it's so inappropriate that you've come on here and posted such an identifiable text word-for-word 😬If you really wanted to update, all you needed to say was that she'd text you and was safe.

Absolutely, if that's her real message it shouldn't have been typed out, taking out names and places isn't enough, it needs deleting immediately.

It's a very gushy and detailed text. My fat thumbs couldn't do that.

At least they seem to have a good close relationship with all the 'sweetie' and 'love you'' comments. Makes it easier maybe for the OP to talk about her worries?

some of these later posts are astonishing

so some of you now think she must have ‘SN’ and are worried she is being groomed for a cult ? Because she went to a group which did meditation drumming and a walk.

Have you any idea how popular meditation is? Drumming is central to many African and Asian cultures - the two often go together.
Give this woman some credit - she appears to have met a like minded man, went to some interesting activities, with friends in public places, mostly with the group. They may even have discovered they have mutual friends.
She didnt invite him into her house and it doesnt sound like she was fighting him off.
I am 57, I’m not elderly or approaching senilty. I don’t check my phone every 5 minutes. If this was me, I’d be furious about the assumptions total strangers were making about me.

No, no. Meditation is foreign and drums are the work of the devil. The right-thinking women of MN are very responsibly warning of the dangers of the exotic and unknown. Next thing you know it’ll be absinthe and Twister.

It’s a slippery slope. This is how the degeneates and bohemians operate. It’s all on YouTube.

Ageist much???

Yep! If an older man is single and has no ahem performance problems AND is also comfortable financially / solvent, socially nice - they are a bloody catch, you'd be surprised maybe but most older men do not fit that category.
Hence of course there is a queue of (older) women.

She is in her late fifties. So am I, and to be honest I’d been enraged if my DD or anyone else was fussing like this. She’s an adult.

That’s a very odd text after a first date.

She is in her late fifties. So am I, and to be honest I’d been enraged if my DD or anyone else was fussing like this. She’s an adult.

This isn't an age thing. It's a dick move to say you'll message someone to let them know you're ok after meeting a stranger for a date then not bother, of course they're going to worry.

I'm in my 30s and if this was my friend or my sister that hadn't read or responded to my messages when they had said they would then I'd be worried about them! It takes 30 seconds to send a quick text saying all is ok.

Rather gushy and far too much detail.

BUT- at least she wasn't angry that the OP had been chasing her all night for a reply.

With all due respect.

If you don't want to be an over beating daughter - stop parenting your mum!

Worry is fine. We all worry about loved ones.

But lecturing her about how to live her life - too far!

I totally agree - I don't think it's right you shared her text. I understand you were concerned but that was not necessary.

She didn't say she would text her DD to let her know she was okay though. She said that she would let her DD know how things were going but she probably meant she would let her know if she was enjoying herself.