Mum on a date - no contact!

[Shouldiworryaboutthis]

I’m not sure if I'm over-thinking things but my mother (late 50’s) went on a date today with a man from on-line dating. She said she would message me in the day to let me know how things were going, I have not heard from her and she hasn’t received/read any of the messages I’ve sent. She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them. I advised against this and she has not (as far as I’m aware) done this since.
Should I be concerned?

I think the older generation need to be aware of catfish and predators on the internet though.

What makes you think we don't know? We don't fall for that rot, or for the 'Glitter Families' on tiktok, either.

I can't find it now but someone upthread said people in that age group are promiscuous. Yes, we are, if we want to be, and not just with people of our own age. Why not? We've done the work of life - marriage, raising children etc - and when we're not being childcare (mn in-joke 😉) we might choose to shag around. After all, there are more years behind us than ahead.

I'm sorry the OP was worried about her mum. It's not hard to send a text, her mother should have done so. But maybe she didn't think of it. When we were on dates fifty years ago, our parents couldn't contact us and a lot of us survived. Not all, obviously, and I don't blame anyone for using the methods we have now to stay in touch and try to stay safe.

But watch out for Grandma. If she's smiling quietly to herself she might have good reason.

I think the older generation need to be aware of catfish and predators on the internet though.

How patronising can you get. Everyone needs to be aware that there are predators out there but what makes you think that younger people are more aware than those in their 50s who have actually had a lot longer to learn about life?

It's insulting to be thought stupid and naive once past a certain age.
She knows how men are. They suddenly haven't changed since the internet came about.

This isn’t just an age thing though.

OP has said her mum is too trusting and that makes her very vulnerable.

The older generation is often more vulnerable when it comes to internet dating as they haven’t grown up with the internet so may not know you can change your voice and photo etc.

That’s why online or phone scams are often aimed at the older generation - not because they’re stupid but because they aren’t aware of certain things to do with the internet.

I’m not even middle aged yet but I can guarantee that someone 10 years younger than me knows more about the internet and photoshopping etc than I do.

Me and my work colleague who is in her 50s both went on OLD at the same time.
She was genuinely gushing that she had 25 year old models with yachts wanting to meet her - she’s not stupid but she’s not deceitful herself so didn’t think anyone else would be either.
She didn’t understand why someone would go on a dating site for any other reason that to date or have sex.

Similar age to the mum here, I think my children would be completely amazed by the aspects of my life they don't know about. I am with older posters who have commented about the patronising tone here. Look at any thread about online dating and clearly many people of all ages are naive to start with. Many of all ages have some sort of bad experience which makes them learn how to be safer and more careful, thankfully the bad experience for many is unpleasant but can be put behind them. Lecturing mum is not the way forward.

Quite astonishing that you consider someone in their 50s to be ‘older and vulnerable’.

If I was your mum, after your carry on last night, you would be the last person I would tell if I had another date. She is 50 and well capable of looking after herself.

Absolutely. I am astonished by this thread and would be outraged if someone was keeping tabs on me like that.

'The older generation'! She's in her 50s, same as me. Incredibly ageist to think we're not IT literate and aware of dangers etc. And we're not too old to enjoy ourselves either!

That being said, I can understand why the OP was worried.

And as for the comment about SN.... surely a joke , no-one is that crass? Are they?

Whether you are 18 or 78, if you go on a date with a stranger you've 'met' on the internet, tell someone where you're going and what time you will be back.

Basic.

We don't know that she didn't tell someone that, though. We just know she didn't tell her daughter.

“This isn't an age thing. It's a dick move to say you'll message someone to let them know you're ok after meeting a stranger for a date then not bother, of course they're going to worry.

I'm in my 30s and if this was my friend or my sister that hadn't read or responded to my messages when they had said they would then I'd be worried about them! It takes 30 seconds to send a quick text saying all is ok.”

This with bells on. And as another poster said, this is the advice which OLD sites provide. Plus it’s basic courtesy. I’m early 50s and if I’ve made clear I will check in, I would find a way to do so or expect people to be worried if I hadn’t.

And yes, the vast, vast majority of the time, people are fine but sometimes they’re not and if you are in a dangerous situation, having someone check in and perhaps track you down could be the difference between life as you know it and a life-changing injury or even life and death.

It’s fine if people don’t want to take these things seriously but if other people choose to, they shouldn’t be mocked.

Oe even in a pub or club/park etc as sadly many appearing very nice are not nice at all. But there are decent people around but it never hurts to be carfel via good practice re your own safety.

Never trust anyone new especially if others do not know who you are with - just a quick picture of the person - tell them you always do or have been told to do this and send it to friend/family etc and a genuine person would not mind

I'm 50, I started using the Internet at university in the early 90s, not many of you youngsters would have a clue how to use a computer without windows !! We were online (and out drinking and dating) before some of you were out of nappies.

Don't be telling me I'm I'm old and vulnerable and need protecting online, I'm still raising a teenager. I've got 50 years of experience of men, they do very little that surprises me.

Young people today really do think they're discovering everything, basic stuff raved about as life hacks and other such nonsense.

Absolutely. I'd be telling a friend in future.

Yes a friend in her mid sixties found her son had installed a location tracker on her phone as ‘he was worried she was frail’ once when he rang multiple times to say he was worried she wasn’t at home. She was staying overnight with her new partner (before the relationship was ready to go public). Yes and before there are any more lectures she knew him for years before they became an item.

@cstaff would you say that someone who goes on an OLD and invites the man back to her house straight away knows how to look after herself?

She is quite a trusting person and in the past has allowed men from on-line dating come to her home for coffee when she knows very little about them

And, if what she told the OP in her text was correct, she got into his car after only knowing him for a few hours.

I hope that if this thread does nothing else, it will at least act as a guide to other women reading it, who may be tempted to be too trusting when meeting a stranger they've talked to online.

There are very sound reasons for taking extra care with anyone you meet online. It's not the same as meeting a date through work, mutual friends, hobbies etc.

Age has nothing to do with this post. It's about how much common sense someone has.

Laughing at the posters piling in to say the OP's mum knows how to look after herself just because she's 50+

If the first post is actually correct, and her text, she doesn't know how to look after herself at all.

Before OLD people hooked up with each other in pubs, at gigs, in clubs - younger people didn't invent sex. I'm sure OP's Mum has plenty of experience unless she married at 16 and has never been with anyone else.

I've got 50 years of experience of men

Wow you started young @MrsMontyD - the moment you were born it appears.😂

Would you say it's ok to take a strange man home on the first date (met him online)?

Or accept a lift in his car (as you don't drive.)

I'm older than you if you want to pull the age card.

I'd not do either of those things. And it's explained on OLD sites that women do not put themselves at risk by doing any of that.

Funnily enough my Dad was a man and I met him the day I was born.

@CaptainMyCaptain You are missing the point. OLD is different as people can create a persona that is fictitious- as can anyone using social media.

Can't you see this is not about sexual experience? Or age?

I was told as a child never to get into a car with an unknown man if they offered me a lift. If you are a parent I'd assume you tell your kids the same thing?

So why is it ok for an adult woman to do that?

Or invite a stranger into her home when she's known him for just hours and has no context of who he is except his online profile?

I can't understand the women here who seem to think any of that is sensible behaviour.

The OPs mother is old enough to risk assess her own actions.

There's no difference between meeting a man in a pub and meeting a man online in terms of safety.

Funnily enough my Dad was a man and I met him the day I was born

That's not quite what you said though was it? You were describing your dating experience and being a whizz on computers.

You weren't in a potential sexual relationship with him.

So it's not exactly the point, is it?

@JuliaDorneys If you think men you meet in person don't tell lies or invent personas you're the naïve one.

So you are still going on about age?

But yes, no one ought to get in a car with a man they have only just met in a pub.

Who said it was okay?