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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How did you know you were with a narcissist

52 replies

balmybalmynight · 24/09/2022 14:07

And not some twat?
What are the absolute characteristics of someone with NPD?
I am beginning to think I've just escaped one but have been told that he'll stop at nothing to try to change my mind.
Thank you .

OP posts:

BlastedPimples · 29/07/2023 11:42

With my stbexh, I really hope to be able to ignore him forevermore one day. Just never have to have anything to do with him and he can turn his narc beam onto some other poor soul.

2022NewTimes · 27/06/2024 18:11

Bananarepublic · 29/07/2023 04:40

Gosh I had a lot of these. When he finally did start going to parents' evenings when it was really important (GCSEs and A levels) took it really personally if there was any negative feedback (because it reflected badly on him. It definitely wasn't about the children's futures because he never showed any interest about that - what their choices were, helping with homework even when asked (despite having a lot more ability and knowledge in those subjects than me!)). One time he just left the parents' evening and went home without telling us where he was going! My child ended up getting As and A*s so it wasn't like he was failing.

We had the ruining big events one as well. He'd always make me cry at Christmas for instance. One time when I had flu at Christmas he went off to his family (that bit was fair enough) but left me with no food and with all his washing up. Another time he stormed off as I was about to dish up Christmas dinner for ten people (I'd organised everything and had two children under five) because I asked him to help me to plate up the veg.

He not only failed to come to days out he even used to miss parts of holidays so I'd have to do all the packing and driving on my own with the kids and he'd just turn up on the train a day later.

The verbal abuse too. He once told me he'd murder me if he could get away with it.

Silent treatment. Yes.

Stonewalling. Check

Storming off. Regularly

Constant criticism.

Talking over me when I was speaking or looking at phone.

Selfish in bed.

It's amazing how similar these people are. My parents were also narcs so I wasn't well placed to spot it or handle it well. I've had shed loads of therapy though so I don't allow him to get at me any more. Nearly at the place when I can leave him!

Show quote history

@Bananarepublic - did you manage to leave yet ?

I left mine in early 2022 after 29 years - divorced mid 2023. Just got my half of the house and will complete on my own house at the end of Jly....

I wake up every morning delighted that I do not have to deal with anymore of his bullshit.

These men will never change so dont give them anymore of your precious life....

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