Ridiculous rant

[SusieKew]

My boyfriend hates it when I yawn mid convo, he expressed this to me months ago. I didn’t think it was that rude because he knows me and knows my intentions are pure but it happened tonight and he’s had a go at me but tbh I just feel like he’s given me the biggest Ick. It’s just yawning, I’m really not seeing the big deal. I’ve been away on business for the past few days. I got back this evening and the first thing I did was join our therapy session. I am tired and he knows this. While we were chatting once the session had ended we were both yawning (something I don’t care about when does it), but the last time I yawned in the convo he lost it and made all of these sarcastic comments which made me withdrawn from the rest of the convo. I find his whining about my yawning so unattractive. Am I being unreasonable? It annoys me that he doesn’t it as me choosing to talk to him over my tiredness!

This might ( or might not) sound ridiculous but if you’re yawning frequently it could be dehydration.it’s something I do, always a sign I’ve not drunk enough, and if I ignore it a headache is sure to follow.
Your bf has probably been brought up to believe yawning = boredom so takes it as an insult.

Kinda depends how you’re yawning. You can’t stop yourself doing it but you can cover your mouth, turn your head slightly, and say “excuse me”.

How long have you been together? Doesn’t seem like a very warm and loving relationship.

Depends if you yawn with your mouth wide open making noise or if it's a discreet yawn?
Surely he can't be pissed off because you need to yawn, it has to be something else?

If you are open mouth yawning in his face then yabu. It's rude and makes it seem as though you are bored with the conversation.

If you are covering your mouth and saying excuse me then yanbu as yawing often can't be helped when tired.

But as another pp said, frequent yawing can be an indication that something else is wrong. Yawning is some times your bodies way of getting more oxygen in.

And if you can't take your boyfriends feelings into consideration then your relationship is going nowhere.

Do you yawn without covering your mouth, because that is just the height of rudeness.

Also wondering how you do the yawn

but I am immediately struck that a) you're in therapy with a boyfriend b) you came back from a work trip and went straight there?

@EmmaH2022 its not just me that thought that then 🤔

Yawning is not a problem at all if you are tired. Your boyfriend should understand that too. Also, jus a question but why are you in therapy?

i cover my mouth when I yawn and apologise every time after. I am aware that he doesn’t like it so I make an effort to be as discreet/respectful as possible but there are times that I feel he should understand. Today is one of those times. I know that yawning can be a sign of bad manners but if being that we’re in a relationship I’m surprised that he thinks I mean harm by it. We are in therapy because he thinks I complain too much which has led to arguments. I joined the therapy session via zoom.

Yes if we’re on FaceTime I put my head down or say excuse me. If we’re on the phone I may pull away from the phone. I’ve certainly improved and do it less but today I was extremely tired and would have thought he understood that

Sounds like he's being very weird

is it a long term relationship? Did you want to go therapy - well, I suppose you must have. Just all sounds like a lot of hard work for a boyfriend.

We’ve been together just over a year. I wasn’t over the moon about going because we haven’t been together long but I’m generally not against therapy so I agreed. He insisted on going as he felt a solution to our problems was needed. Honestly, It does feel like a lot of hard work a lot of the time. I don’t want to give up the relationship because there are good things about it and he has food qualities about him but our way of doing things often differs. We have both agreed to work on the relationship but when do you just accept that it isn’t working?

Oooohhhhh wait wait wait!

Is everything your fault and you need therapy so you can be a better person? Fucking run as fast as you can. Abusers have to have joint therapy to continue their abuse. Do seperate therapy sessions if you must but this relationship is only going to end up one way.

For example. During this process of therapy, if he had it his way we probably wouldn’t see each other or spend any time together. I have the view that you still need to water the relationship by meeting and spending time together. We have clashed on this and him challenging my view hasn’t made me feel good. This is where I’m putting in the “hard work”.

Well he sees anything that is negative as complaining. So me speaking about my feelings or being concerned/asking about his he sees as a nag or complaint. I see it as loving, communicative, caring. I find it so strange

I'm not going to get into what is right or wrong
i know some people love therapy

i just could no way be in a relationship that warranted therapy even after just a year. Sorry. Life is hard. Relationships making it harder don't seem a good idea to me.

Oh come on OP, you know he's crackers right? Not see each other during zoom therapy??

You're only a year in. Walk away with your head up, and chill out, and start your life again without this bloke wearing you down.

I don't understand your last two posts.

He doesn't want to see you but you want to see him, so you have therapy so you can meet?

Asking about his feelings once can be loving. Asking several times is not and can make the recipient feel under seige. So how often?

He believes that if we’re in therapy then seeing each other can muddy the waters so it’s best to just go through the process and get back on track physically once we’ve reached a better place. Our therapy sessions are held on zoom so it would be possible however I do not wish to go through the process this way as I don’t think that will make our relationship any better.

I mean, I’ve only asked if I’ve picked up on something. Whether that’s his energy being off, something he said or could be something he said etc. if I don’t mention it it’s almost like I’m ignoring my intuition or suppressing what I feel inside because most of the time I’m right and he does feel these things! He just doesn’t think it always needs to be said…

I have no words. Life and relationships should not be this difficult. If you are so far apart in your thinking after a year then you are not compatible. You can't change yourself that much. Its time to go your separate ways as neither of you are going to be happy.

Jesus. You've only been together a year! There is nothing wrong with you, you are just not compatible. This will have been obvious early on. There was no need for therapy to try to force a relationship out of this.

Please leave him. Life is too short. It's easy to say this as an outsider but as pp said; he wants you to change to be a better person for him. Doesn't seem like he thinks change is required from his side. It's been a year, that's wayyy too soon for therapy. Don't let him keep wearing you down. This is way too much work - is it really worth it? What are you actually getting from the relationship?

Well he sees anything that is negative as complaining. So me speaking about my feelings or being concerned/asking about his he sees as a nag or complaint.

Successful relationship therapy requires being completely open to hearing the other person's uncensored feelings about the relationship/each other/incidents or disagreements or issues. This includes some thoughts that may be genuinely negative, overcritical, based on misunderstanding, etc. With the therapist's guidance, each person can speak freely and fully and the other can respond and you can understand each other's perspectives and determine if compromise is possible.

Is this happening in your therapy? Do you feel you can speak freely about your perspective on the issues in the relationship without holding back and without backlash from him? A lot of things you've asked here are things that you should be discussing with him, with the therapist's guidance and help as needed.

He gets angry at an involuntary bodily function?

run for the hills. It sounds like immensely hard work.

Are you yawning because he's fucking boring ?!

I also think that if you in therapy this early on it doesn't bode well.