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Original poster

Ridiculous rant

139 replies

SusieKew · 23/09/2022 23:08

My boyfriend hates it when I yawn mid convo, he expressed this to me months ago. I didn’t think it was that rude because he knows me and knows my intentions are pure but it happened tonight and he’s had a go at me but tbh I just feel like he’s given me the biggest Ick. It’s just yawning, I’m really not seeing the big deal. I’ve been away on business for the past few days. I got back this evening and the first thing I did was join our therapy session. I am tired and he knows this. While we were chatting once the session had ended we were both yawning (something I don’t care about when does it), but the last time I yawned in the convo he lost it and made all of these sarcastic comments which made me withdrawn from the rest of the convo. I find his whining about my yawning so unattractive. Am I being unreasonable? It annoys me that he doesn’t it as me choosing to talk to him over my tiredness!

OP posts:
Mydogmylife · 24/09/2022 19:22

SusieKew · 24/09/2022 10:04

Thank you for all your comments.

He is paying for the therapy. I am open to learning and growing but the lines get blurred when it starts to feel like pandering for love and I find that hard to identify. I have had self esteem issues in the past but have come into the relationship healed, open and full of joy. I feel like I’m no longer that is slowly diminishing because nothing seems good enough for him. He doesn’t seem to see the good/love in the things I do. We were advised to read the five love languages, something I’m quite familiar with. In accordance to that book He has said that I do not fill his love tank and he won’t tell me why, he says it’s up to me to figure out why. The same sentiments as respect, where you can’t ask for respect it, you earn it.

Good grief - dump him! What a load of old guff - you don’t fill his love tank , the man’s a buffoon

BadNomad · 24/09/2022 19:43

No good relationship is this bad after 12 months. Why can you not consider the possibility that you're just not right for each other? It doesn't matter about who had a bad childhood or who needs to learn to "open up" etc. You're just not compatible for a long term relationship. It's not anyone's fault or a failure. It just is what it is. Not every two people are meant to be together.

SpinningAwaySadly · 24/09/2022 20:29

SusieKew · 24/09/2022 11:40

I do ask myself does he even like me let alone love me. I am scared of spiders and called him in a panic when there was one on my room. I wanted comfort and consoling and just someone to vent to. He offered a few words of comfort then quickly started lecturing me about my fear and creating hypothetical scenarios in attempt to get me to be stronger. While I appreciate that it just wasn’t the time. When we were on the phone last night, he was loading up his car and I heard his neighbour in the background screaming saying there was a spider. He was laughing and being playful with her. I couldn’t help but notice how much compassion he has for her and her fears and how little he had for me. It was actually quite hurtful. I didn’t want to mention it because I didn’t want to be negative but it was clear that I was upset. I decided to mention it to him and his answer was she’s 16. So again I wasn’t sure if I’m being unreasonable/sensitive or he actually doesn’t like me!

There's a lot of spiders in your life, I'll give you that.

5128gap · 24/09/2022 20:50

What a tedious pretentious limp lettuce he sounds. Therapy indeed. I'd be yawning too at this self indulgent navel gazing nonsense.

Original poster
SusieKew · 24/09/2022 21:13

It’s funny so many of you have said he’s boring. Lots of my friends said that about him based on pictures they saw. Im curious to know what makes you think this?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/09/2022 21:16

This is all just madness. You've only been together for a year and you're in therapy? Why don't you see that you are not suited to each other and it's never going to work long term. Honestly, anyone with eyes can see this. You are wasting so much time.

Sorehandsandfeet · 24/09/2022 21:18

Good god, RUN! This is not about the yawning, it's about control over you and the relationship. Therapy after a year??? What is good about him that you allow yourself to be treated in this way?

totallyoutnumbered · 24/09/2022 21:42

SusieKew · 24/09/2022 21:13

It’s funny so many of you have said he’s boring. Lots of my friends said that about him based on pictures they saw. Im curious to know what makes you think this?

He's a naval gazing man child and a bully at that. Sounds boring and dangerous to me. You're getting the same advice consistently here. I haven't seen a post defending him. What do you think now you've seen such unanimous views saying run for the hills?

user1471462428 · 24/09/2022 21:48

He makes me feel desperate just reading this. Out there is the right man for you op and every day you spend with him you lose with Mr Right. Life is for happiness and joy and you are currently experiencing neither.

excelledyourself · 24/09/2022 22:05

Wow. Call it a day. He is going to crush you.

What age are you, OP?

Original poster
SusieKew · 24/09/2022 22:10

I'm 32 he’s 38

OP posts:
SpinningAwaySadly · 24/09/2022 22:11

SusieKew · 24/09/2022 21:13

It’s funny so many of you have said he’s boring. Lots of my friends said that about him based on pictures they saw. Im curious to know what makes you think this?

Well honestly how the feck would I know what your friends see in a photograph that I've never laid eyes on?

Just leave it now.

excelledyourself · 24/09/2022 22:13

@SpinningAwaySadly Bit rude considering that's not what she asked!

5128gap · 24/09/2022 22:20

SusieKew · 24/09/2022 21:13

It’s funny so many of you have said he’s boring. Lots of my friends said that about him based on pictures they saw. Im curious to know what makes you think this?

I'm always bored by people who have to analyse the bejaysus out of a situation. A year in, if
its working you carry on, if its not, you stop.
All this bellyaching about love languages, labelling things according to the latest daft book, and talk talk talk about their needs and triggers and baggage and their inner child. Its just one big bore. Make me smile, or move along.

Name99 · 24/09/2022 22:52

What does the counsellor say about all this?
what input, guidance and advice etc are they giving about tuus

Name99 · 24/09/2022 22:53

Hit post too soon

What is the counsellor saying about all of this?

reader12 · 24/09/2022 23:23

This doesn’t sound fun at all. At your age, a year in, it should be fun and should feel really easy and natural. How do you feel about listening to him lecture you about your faults for the rest of your life?

Cherchezlaspice · 24/09/2022 23:28

@5128gap and @SpinningAwaySadly Yes! What the actual hell is this nonsense?!

MN: this man is crap, dump him and stop analysing his crapness.

OP: it’s so interesting you think that. My friends think so, too. Please analyse his crapness with me some more.

SpidersAreShitheads · 25/09/2022 04:58

You have my deepest sympathy re the eight-legged terrorists. I refer you to my username 😂

But re your main post, I’m sorry my love, but he sounds bloody awful. You deserve much better and believe me, ditch this guy and you’ll find it. Rip off the plaster and move on - nothing you’ve said sounds positive. It shouldn’t be this much hard work just a year in.

Namechanged454 · 25/09/2022 12:53

If I yawn Infront of my OH mid conversation I just get a finger stuck in my mouth 🤣🤣

Original poster
SusieKew · 25/09/2022 13:09

And that’s the type of reaction i would expect! Maybe that’s why I don’t see it is such a disrespectful thing. I am quite playful whereas as he can be quite serious and I was trying to take that into consideration. I often thought opposites can be balanced but it doesn’t seem so

OP posts:
Original poster
SusieKew · 25/09/2022 13:25

She says there is clearly a lot of of love between us But we are missing each other due to our communication styles. She has sent lots of material to assist with this but it doesn’t feel like we’re making much progress.

OP posts:
Cherchezlaspice · 25/09/2022 13:37

If you’re not going to engage with or take on board what the majority of people are saying to you, then why are you posting?

Letthesunshineonin · 25/09/2022 13:37

You’re not making progress because he’s an arsehole who will never be happy and will always make up issues to keep you on your toes.

layladomino · 25/09/2022 13:38

If you have to be in therapy with someone within a year of seeing them, you're with the wrong person. Why tangle yourself in knots trying to change who you are for someone you don't really know? Leave him and find someone you are suited to.

And it's interesting that he suggested it, pays for it, and uses it to accuse you of stuff. He thinks everything is your fault and you need to change, to be a different person to suit him. How much changing has he done? How much is he trying to do?

And my last comment - to all those pp who said yawning is rude... yawning is normal and can't be helped. You don't do it rudely. He does it himself. He just chooses to criticise you for it. Another tool to hit you with and make himself the victim.

No, this is my last comment - please leave him and quickly. He is very controlling and showing signs of being abusive once you get deeper in (some may say already). You haven't been with him long - it's time to accept that at best you're a poor match and won't ever be happy, at worst he's absusive and you won't be safe with him.