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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reasons never to go into prostitution, the horrors of it and UKpunting Rant.

437 replies

Snowdust · 21/09/2022 16:14

I have seen many posts talking about working as a escort or sex worker and some of them being in a positive light and some women doing this while married or having a partner.

Well i wanted to write this not just as a rant for myself and to get it off my chest but to let other's know who might consider doing it that there is not that many positives to it. Quite a long detailed post but a necessary one.

I first started doing it 12 years ago and since i have come back the last 2 years i dont want to go into details of exact reasons of why i did it but i had my reasons. I want to give a honest account and hope not to be judged. People in my private life would never guess i do this i am not a typical stereotype nor do i have any addictions or have a husband or partner leeching off me. It was my decision and not taken lightly but there was reasons why i needed money this way.

When i first started it there was more money to earn and yes i earnt a good living for a while and put money away but it did come with it's problems and dealing with some nasty men is one of them. I am a private person and do this in secret only a few trusted people know the rest do not.

Since being back on a short term basis it has definately become much much tougher to bare. I work independently from adultwork website and work from hotels or apartments. Some days you earn ok other days not so good. The market is over run with many sex workers and you are played against each other by the men.

The men that book us there is probably only around 10 to 15% of what i would call decent men. When i say decent i mean ones that do not smell like a sewer or demand to do anything they want and get as much in the time as there minutes give them.

There is so many women now offering unprotected services not just oral but even bareback, some of these women will do anything like Rimming, letting men film them, letting men face choke them and swallowing lots of mens fluids and so on and this seems to be popular and what a lot of men want. Some prices are so cheap at 40 or 50 pounds for these 15 minute quickies, it's just awful. So much desperation out there.

I try to make my profile look not as sexually graphic and i do not offer a lot of these things required but even then you still get men trying it on and getting pissed off if you do not do exactly what they want. They seem to have this mind set if one woman has done something more full throttle or hardcore that we all should otherwise we are ripping them off.

Before you even get a client in the door you have to screen the many phone calls and texts. So many of these calls are not even paying clients, probably only about 40% of men calling are actual clients that visit women and pay the rest they are men that just get off on pretending they will book and want to talk dirty. You even have the nutters with anger issues that phone up wanting to start a argument so they can call you nasty names and threaten you. A lot of women will use safety apps to screen men who have many reports against them for either time wasting, no show bookings and pretending to be outside your road but there not even there they just get off on wasting your time. Then you have the dangerous reports where they have robbed women and attacked them, the ones that paid and tried to blackmail you after for a refund saying they will inform hotel after they had what they had off you, men that try removing the condom when having sex with you, men paying with a banking scam app where you do not even get paid, men that walk out on many women and insult you or pretend they left money in there car (a sick fetish where they have no intention to pay but get off on seeing a sex worker) and the horrible men from UK punting who use that site to harrass and blackmail for a better service. ( more about them at the end)

Then when you do get a client you hope he will be pleasant and at least not smell like the local sewer and pay up.

Now lets do percentages on clients.

Clean men who do not smell from there mouth, penis, bum, body. (After a shower)
20% i would say if that. Some men have no understanding that heavy breathing halitosis all over you is not in with the price or leaving skid marks on your towels and bedding then down below smelling of dried urine. There is not much embarrassment when you pull them up on it. A sorry that is not very genuine is what you get or just a Oh never realised.

Nice pleasant men who just want a nice time and respect that although they have paid they are not there to use you like a blow up doll and take advantage. I would say 15% possibly. I cannot say all men that visit are horrible vile people there is a few nice ones in there that treat you like a human but they are rare which is the sad point about this.

Married men that have zero respect for you and there wife. 80%. Yes you heard right. I don't like to see married men especially the type that boast about seeing lots of sex workers even hundreds and expect oral without a condom and even try to rub there bare penis on your lady bits and when you tell them not to they think you are ruining there fun and pull faces or keep asking. These are some of the married men that openly tell you they get regular sex with there wife but they want variety all the time some of these men have over 200 feedbacks on adultwork. They have no shame telling me all this as they must think i am just fine with this because what i do. No i take your money but think you are pond life for your lack of respect for your wife and women in general.

Horrible men that want to treat you like a submissive porn star even though that is not your advert. 50% i would say. Many when turned on change personality can even become spiteful gripping very hard, shoving your head down as hard as possible, pulling you around like a rag doll leaving finger bruises. When you tell some they might stop but you have killed the moment as they start going soft. What does that tell you? You also need to be on your guard that they will not try to stealth you because that does happen and when finished make sure you do not leave the client to get dressed while you are in bathroom as some will search for the money to take back.

Health risks. Well what can i say the more men you see the more risk some will have of catching STI's. Luckily i have not caught anything so far but i do not do so many of the risky sex acts but i know many women that have caught infections.

Now the dreaded UKpunting men. These lot are the worst of the worst not only no respect for sex workers but there whole intention is mostly abusing women and writing detailed reviews of a very private session all to make them feel good about themselves and the alpha male in charge. Lets make it clear this is not just any review site. It really is set up to take a lot from women and pay as little as possible. Normal review sites do not call women C*s or greedy bitches or low life whores because we dare charge them or put our prices up by £10, these lot do.

The men on there know exactly why most women do not want men from there booking them because a lot are dangerous they have form for blackmailing, harassing, stalking women and writing lies because a sex worker does not want to get face choked or have to french kiss them because they smell so bad and are so repulsive. They have also wrote personal details on the forum that has outed womens true identity. The previous owner used to have a thread aimed at getting verification photos taken from adultwork by accident of womens faces that were supposed to be hidden from the public but Adultwork had leaked that info by accident and UKpunting had software ready to grab these photos. Some women had contacted the owner at UK punting telling him to please remove my face photo as it was outed by accident on Adultwork and his response was no take me to court.

Ukpunting even had a thread on our safety app tools and telling dangerous clients how to get away with not showing up on it putting us in extra danger and so many on there have bad reports.

The website is really just there to fuel these mens ego's and fantasies by writing detailed reviews of what they do to us. They purposely try to disguise themselves by chaging times and dates because deep down they know they are predators. The most hypocritical thing is they expect discretion when it comes to them but they have no problem discussing every detail of what was said in the booking giving away personal info on general chit chst and discussing the slight bit of cellulite they might have seen or your body parts were not perfect enough.

If any man that stays on that site long enough it becomes obvious the majority of reviews and discussions are men that clearly are there to take advantage of us as much as possible. Decent men do not stay on that site and post reviews that cause us harm and danger they would leave. So these men are all guilty and as far as i am concerened they are happy to make our job harder and put us in bad situations. There is thousands of men on there and a lot married. They even come up with posts on how to get away with hiding it from there wives. I had one client once that told me his wife caught him and he swore on kids lives he would never do it again he told me he was back doing it again 6 weeks after this time using secretive sim and punting phone and planning his time visiting a lady by pretending to be working late and taken up a gym membership. These men have become too entitled and are only satisfied if the woman is literally selling her soul and giving the best performance of her life. Women are marked down if they have not taken enough inches down there throat or there eyes are not watering or there not gagging, this is how sick the website is and the men reviewing a lot of the time are some of the most repulsive to look at but there the least grateful, how does that even happen?

More alarming is the UKP men that do find a little young " hottie" age 18, 19, 0r 20 years of age that takes a great face f***g and throat pie as they call it the sad old men queue up to punt and review her, she gets quite busy all comparing notes and then she gives a few a STI infection there is hints mentioned it is her but within a few days that is old gossip they are all still all back there booking her and knowing she has a drug problem too, she is very unreliable keeps men waiting ages and her house is a dump but as long as they get there needs met they don't care and a lot of these are married. They knowingly take advantage of the fact she has a drug problem. This is the great UKpunting at there very best. They do not care if young girls have drug problems or are being pimped as long as what they pay gets them a dirty session that is all they care about. So many are just out right perverts 60 and 70 year old men booking 18 to 20 year old young women and never satisfied unless she delivers a oscar worthy performance.

With new laws data/right to be forgotten the online bill i have a feeling UKPunting could be in trouble at some point as there abuse of women is causing harm to so many.

I am making plans to leave the business and i cannot recommend this to anybody thinking of doing it. The only women it might suit are women that already like swinging, dogging and enjoy risky sex with strangers and will enjoy getting paid for something they already do.

The positives side of it that i will add are working when you want to and the hours you want, making more then minimum wage and coming across the small percentage of men that smell nice, behave nice and maybe that bring you a nice gift like chocolates, flowers, perfume or even tip you but this is rare i might add.

What i might add some sex workers do not do themselves or women any favours by writing such degrading filth on there advertising details of how graphic they will get on a booking and posting photos of there whole naked body parts fully exposed and photos and short clips of them taking a throat f Some of these older women have teenage kids and all there faces on show for the world to see. I feel deeply sorry for there kids as a parent exposing themselves in such a degrading way. If these women suddenly cannot do sex work anymore they have there face and body parts out there forever. Who would want to give these women a job in the real world if they know or find out about what they have done. Do they care if there kids get bullied or everybody finds out what there mum does? Obviously not.

There is women that work and there hubby is very cool with it, they say he is just open minded and knows it is only a job and he lets me make my own choices and very supportive. What they do not tell you some of these men do not work or only work part time and are sitting on there arses waiting for the money roll in while they play Russian roulette on what stranger might attack you or catching infections.

I Hope this post will help some women to decide if they really need or want to do this for money this is the reality of it.

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 22/09/2022 10:48

I think anyone bollocking the OP for luring husbands away into sin is a bit like someone pointing at a stabbing victim and saying "Oi! You messed up my kitchen knife."

silveranderson · 22/09/2022 10:55

@BobSmithuk Not that it is any of your business, but I declare it on top of my PAYE income from my regular job and the money goes directly into a private pension.

GG1986 · 22/09/2022 11:03

jibbe · 21/09/2022 22:19

Men are douche bags, wonder what would happen if there were no sex workers to serve their depravity? I’m not knocking sex workers it’s a genuine question

There would probably be a lot more rapes. Yes men are douche bags

BloodAndFire · 22/09/2022 11:05

@Snowdust your story is horrendous and the details make me feel sick.

The people on here blaming you or other prostitutes for men cheating are beyond ridiculous.

BloodAndFire · 22/09/2022 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Your concern for young women who have been trafficked to a foreign country and forced into disgusting, unsafe sexual practices is that they are sending money back to their families abroad?

Wow.

Haffiana · 22/09/2022 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh look, a UKRacistPunter is visiting MumsNet to puntsplain at us...

nancydroo · 22/09/2022 11:14

Thanks for posting OP, I hope your post helps others to see the reality. In no way is it easy money. The horrible men you describe make my skin crawl and I feel sorry for women who, for a variety of reasons, expose themselves to these types of men. It is the women with addictions who I feel for most, so vulnerable and become trapped in this way of life.

LemonsOnSaleAgain · 22/09/2022 11:31

This reply has been deleted

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I'd rather see the money go to their families than to support the likes of you.

AdamRyan · 22/09/2022 11:32

GG1986 · 22/09/2022 11:03

There would probably be a lot more rapes. Yes men are douche bags

Omg. That old chestnut.
Rapists don't rape for sex and prostitutes don't stop rapists raping. Rapists enjoy raping.

Punters don't use prostitutes because they don't get enough sex. They enjoy prostitute sex and cheating.

Some (a lot) of men are disgusting - let's not enable it by pretending they have a need that must be met.

Crikeyalmighty · 22/09/2022 11:33

@Haffiana Not only a punter but a racist piece of sh** too.

BobSmithuk · 22/09/2022 11:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

54isanopendoor · 22/09/2022 11:35

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/09/2022 19:46

Interesting question wavyhair but sex work is legal if you are independent and working for yourself it is only not if there is a pimp involved or several women sharing a place

do you think Brothels or their modern day equivalent might help?

clean, legal establishments where clients can be vetted, banned if they don’t behave, possibly even STI certified?

where girls can call in bouncers at any point and have a client removed.

men clearly need heavy policing and forced to understand they can’t use women in this way.

30 years ago I worked for an organisation which aimed to help women get out of the Saunas in Edinburgh. We were a charity which provided health checks, counselling, practical help.

Although the Edinburgh saunas were not officially brothels they of course were. Women were not much safer in there than on the streets. They still regularly got beaten up, were unable to say no to unsafe practices (condoms were ,optional,) & could not say no to any client at all who walked in with £25 in his pocket (the girl got £20), Plus the owner, his mates & the police frequently got a 'free go'.

It was appalling.

thank you for posting this OP. It was brave of you.
I hope you can get out to a life with something safer & happier for you xxx

Flamingyon · 22/09/2022 11:37

GG1986 · 22/09/2022 11:03

There would probably be a lot more rapes. Yes men are douche bags

I think there would be a lot more trafficking if women stopped ‘choosing’ to be ‘sex workers’. There would still be the demand for them and the traffickers would take advantage of that.

BloodAndFire · 22/09/2022 11:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I suppose it suits you to believe that.

Not only a massive misogynist but also a racist who finds the abuse of young women hilariously funny.

Why are you on this site?

caracvanning · 22/09/2022 11:40

Haffiana · 22/09/2022 11:07

Oh look, a UKRacistPunter is visiting MumsNet to puntsplain at us...

Well said!

Lotusflower16 · 22/09/2022 11:44

@Snowdust My heart goes out to you.

A good friend was trafficked 20 years ago and she had been kept for 6 months and forced into prostitution before she managed to escape with the help of a client. She used to call me crying, telling me how those bastards treated her. She spent hours inside the showers scrubbing her body, trying to get rid of the filth!

NC1325 · 22/09/2022 11:53

Name changed agree with what you say but other girls offering BB are probably doing so because they are desperate. I left the industry about after doing a year omg my mental health was wrecked I was waiting for a diagnosis of a health problem and I couldn't work regular hours . I had to claim benefits and couldn't afford my transport anymore. I'd encourage anyone to have a plan to exit the industry as quickly as possible. I'm completing a master's I scored a first in my undergraduate degree. My career is doing really well and if I get a promotion to my salary will be 60k. It's hard work but I feel amazing, my view of men has completely changed.

If you meet a man who admits to having paid for sex he will do it again punters never change or stop long term. I have so much self worth and I feel amazing now I have left. There's hope.

Alcemeg · 22/09/2022 12:01

@NC1325
Congratulations, I am so happy for you and in awe of your strength and determination (not to mention your intelligence)!

Kahlil Gibran wrote, "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

I hope this is true for you from now on.

Anyfeckinusername · 22/09/2022 12:12

Really well done @NC1325

DundasStreet · 22/09/2022 12:42

54isanopendoor · 22/09/2022 11:35

30 years ago I worked for an organisation which aimed to help women get out of the Saunas in Edinburgh. We were a charity which provided health checks, counselling, practical help.

Although the Edinburgh saunas were not officially brothels they of course were. Women were not much safer in there than on the streets. They still regularly got beaten up, were unable to say no to unsafe practices (condoms were ,optional,) & could not say no to any client at all who walked in with £25 in his pocket (the girl got £20), Plus the owner, his mates & the police frequently got a 'free go'.

It was appalling.

thank you for posting this OP. It was brave of you.
I hope you can get out to a life with something safer & happier for you xxx

This is interesting, 54isanopendoor. 30 years ago I worked in one of the Edinburgh saunas (they used to advertise for staff in the Evening News classified, simple as that) - I expect my temp user name will tell you which one. I have to say my experience was very different. I could say no to anyone, was safe and protected by the owner and his 'wife' who worked there too, condoms were absolutely insisted on and I got to keep all my money (it was more that £25). The clients were charged a door fee instead. I had thought based on my experience that the Edinburgh model might be one which worked reasonably well, but I was also aware even then that our particular set-up was not the norm and that other saunas, while busier, were definitely dodgier with less safe working and tended to 'employ' women who were more likely to have drug dependency issues. Blair Street springs to mind. It's interesting to hear from you that it wasn't all like my own experience.

Narcalert · 22/09/2022 13:11

I’ve name changed and am a poster of many years. Thankyou so much OP and others, for sharing your experience. I really hope life improves immediately and immeasurably for you.

Here’s the thing though. It was this paragraph which has rocked me, and tbh it might not seem like much:

“There was also a huge demand for something called home wrecking fantasies. They would get a kick out of talking awfully about their wives, wanting to discuss ways to humiliate her, how they would slowly destroy their marriage until she left. Psychologically gaslighting them into believing they were mad for accusing them of cheating or using webcams. One man said he gave his wife her birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper from the year before so subtly let her know he didn’t give a shit about her. You get the idea…”

This is such a perfect description of my ex husband. I could never see his behaviour for what it was, for the longest time. He would also do things like initiate sex knowing full well he was filthy, unwiped bum, smegma, the lot, and then rant at me but also smile somehow when I was revolted. I didn’t get it. Why would anyone do this? But now I think it was that deep down he hated me and hated all women, at a really fundamental level. Your post has brought all of this back in technicolour. He bought me horrible cheap underwear that was too small but asked me to wear it and then said it didn’t do anything for him and perhaps I might try and wear it again the following night. It made my head spin because he was at the same time, giving the appearance of being a functional human who told me he loved me.

His best friend uses prostitutes habitually, and my ex sees no problem with this, although says he never would himself.

Im not sure why I posted. I don’t feel very well. The marriage is over though, thank Christ. I’m holding on to that relief.

WhileAFoxIsWatching · 22/09/2022 13:11

Education can be a wonderful thing

Naunet · 22/09/2022 13:14

That’s right, these stupid bitches deserve to be raped and abused by men don’t they, for not being good girls 🙄 Can your little two gram brain work out why someone might feel they need to turn to this work, or is that beyond your comprehension?

Naunet · 22/09/2022 13:19

Fuck sake, that post above was meant to quote a previous poster, not an attack on you OP.

I think you’re so brave to post this, these men turn my stomach, I honestly think they need putting down, society would be better for it. I hope you can get out and go on to have a wonderful future.

Sleeplessinstockport · 22/09/2022 13:20

Glad you've posted this op, the first few replies mocking you are disgusting.
I'm sick of people pretending it's OK to prostitute yourself and that for the most part it's safe and enjoyable,it isn't and other women and girls need to be aware of the truth.
Good on you for being brave enough