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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reasons never to go into prostitution, the horrors of it and UKpunting Rant.

437 replies

Snowdust · 21/09/2022 16:14

I have seen many posts talking about working as a escort or sex worker and some of them being in a positive light and some women doing this while married or having a partner.

Well i wanted to write this not just as a rant for myself and to get it off my chest but to let other's know who might consider doing it that there is not that many positives to it. Quite a long detailed post but a necessary one.

I first started doing it 12 years ago and since i have come back the last 2 years i dont want to go into details of exact reasons of why i did it but i had my reasons. I want to give a honest account and hope not to be judged. People in my private life would never guess i do this i am not a typical stereotype nor do i have any addictions or have a husband or partner leeching off me. It was my decision and not taken lightly but there was reasons why i needed money this way.

When i first started it there was more money to earn and yes i earnt a good living for a while and put money away but it did come with it's problems and dealing with some nasty men is one of them. I am a private person and do this in secret only a few trusted people know the rest do not.

Since being back on a short term basis it has definately become much much tougher to bare. I work independently from adultwork website and work from hotels or apartments. Some days you earn ok other days not so good. The market is over run with many sex workers and you are played against each other by the men.

The men that book us there is probably only around 10 to 15% of what i would call decent men. When i say decent i mean ones that do not smell like a sewer or demand to do anything they want and get as much in the time as there minutes give them.

There is so many women now offering unprotected services not just oral but even bareback, some of these women will do anything like Rimming, letting men film them, letting men face choke them and swallowing lots of mens fluids and so on and this seems to be popular and what a lot of men want. Some prices are so cheap at 40 or 50 pounds for these 15 minute quickies, it's just awful. So much desperation out there.

I try to make my profile look not as sexually graphic and i do not offer a lot of these things required but even then you still get men trying it on and getting pissed off if you do not do exactly what they want. They seem to have this mind set if one woman has done something more full throttle or hardcore that we all should otherwise we are ripping them off.

Before you even get a client in the door you have to screen the many phone calls and texts. So many of these calls are not even paying clients, probably only about 40% of men calling are actual clients that visit women and pay the rest they are men that just get off on pretending they will book and want to talk dirty. You even have the nutters with anger issues that phone up wanting to start a argument so they can call you nasty names and threaten you. A lot of women will use safety apps to screen men who have many reports against them for either time wasting, no show bookings and pretending to be outside your road but there not even there they just get off on wasting your time. Then you have the dangerous reports where they have robbed women and attacked them, the ones that paid and tried to blackmail you after for a refund saying they will inform hotel after they had what they had off you, men that try removing the condom when having sex with you, men paying with a banking scam app where you do not even get paid, men that walk out on many women and insult you or pretend they left money in there car (a sick fetish where they have no intention to pay but get off on seeing a sex worker) and the horrible men from UK punting who use that site to harrass and blackmail for a better service. ( more about them at the end)

Then when you do get a client you hope he will be pleasant and at least not smell like the local sewer and pay up.

Now lets do percentages on clients.

Clean men who do not smell from there mouth, penis, bum, body. (After a shower)
20% i would say if that. Some men have no understanding that heavy breathing halitosis all over you is not in with the price or leaving skid marks on your towels and bedding then down below smelling of dried urine. There is not much embarrassment when you pull them up on it. A sorry that is not very genuine is what you get or just a Oh never realised.

Nice pleasant men who just want a nice time and respect that although they have paid they are not there to use you like a blow up doll and take advantage. I would say 15% possibly. I cannot say all men that visit are horrible vile people there is a few nice ones in there that treat you like a human but they are rare which is the sad point about this.

Married men that have zero respect for you and there wife. 80%. Yes you heard right. I don't like to see married men especially the type that boast about seeing lots of sex workers even hundreds and expect oral without a condom and even try to rub there bare penis on your lady bits and when you tell them not to they think you are ruining there fun and pull faces or keep asking. These are some of the married men that openly tell you they get regular sex with there wife but they want variety all the time some of these men have over 200 feedbacks on adultwork. They have no shame telling me all this as they must think i am just fine with this because what i do. No i take your money but think you are pond life for your lack of respect for your wife and women in general.

Horrible men that want to treat you like a submissive porn star even though that is not your advert. 50% i would say. Many when turned on change personality can even become spiteful gripping very hard, shoving your head down as hard as possible, pulling you around like a rag doll leaving finger bruises. When you tell some they might stop but you have killed the moment as they start going soft. What does that tell you? You also need to be on your guard that they will not try to stealth you because that does happen and when finished make sure you do not leave the client to get dressed while you are in bathroom as some will search for the money to take back.

Health risks. Well what can i say the more men you see the more risk some will have of catching STI's. Luckily i have not caught anything so far but i do not do so many of the risky sex acts but i know many women that have caught infections.

Now the dreaded UKpunting men. These lot are the worst of the worst not only no respect for sex workers but there whole intention is mostly abusing women and writing detailed reviews of a very private session all to make them feel good about themselves and the alpha male in charge. Lets make it clear this is not just any review site. It really is set up to take a lot from women and pay as little as possible. Normal review sites do not call women C*s or greedy bitches or low life whores because we dare charge them or put our prices up by £10, these lot do.

The men on there know exactly why most women do not want men from there booking them because a lot are dangerous they have form for blackmailing, harassing, stalking women and writing lies because a sex worker does not want to get face choked or have to french kiss them because they smell so bad and are so repulsive. They have also wrote personal details on the forum that has outed womens true identity. The previous owner used to have a thread aimed at getting verification photos taken from adultwork by accident of womens faces that were supposed to be hidden from the public but Adultwork had leaked that info by accident and UKpunting had software ready to grab these photos. Some women had contacted the owner at UK punting telling him to please remove my face photo as it was outed by accident on Adultwork and his response was no take me to court.

Ukpunting even had a thread on our safety app tools and telling dangerous clients how to get away with not showing up on it putting us in extra danger and so many on there have bad reports.

The website is really just there to fuel these mens ego's and fantasies by writing detailed reviews of what they do to us. They purposely try to disguise themselves by chaging times and dates because deep down they know they are predators. The most hypocritical thing is they expect discretion when it comes to them but they have no problem discussing every detail of what was said in the booking giving away personal info on general chit chst and discussing the slight bit of cellulite they might have seen or your body parts were not perfect enough.

If any man that stays on that site long enough it becomes obvious the majority of reviews and discussions are men that clearly are there to take advantage of us as much as possible. Decent men do not stay on that site and post reviews that cause us harm and danger they would leave. So these men are all guilty and as far as i am concerened they are happy to make our job harder and put us in bad situations. There is thousands of men on there and a lot married. They even come up with posts on how to get away with hiding it from there wives. I had one client once that told me his wife caught him and he swore on kids lives he would never do it again he told me he was back doing it again 6 weeks after this time using secretive sim and punting phone and planning his time visiting a lady by pretending to be working late and taken up a gym membership. These men have become too entitled and are only satisfied if the woman is literally selling her soul and giving the best performance of her life. Women are marked down if they have not taken enough inches down there throat or there eyes are not watering or there not gagging, this is how sick the website is and the men reviewing a lot of the time are some of the most repulsive to look at but there the least grateful, how does that even happen?

More alarming is the UKP men that do find a little young " hottie" age 18, 19, 0r 20 years of age that takes a great face f***g and throat pie as they call it the sad old men queue up to punt and review her, she gets quite busy all comparing notes and then she gives a few a STI infection there is hints mentioned it is her but within a few days that is old gossip they are all still all back there booking her and knowing she has a drug problem too, she is very unreliable keeps men waiting ages and her house is a dump but as long as they get there needs met they don't care and a lot of these are married. They knowingly take advantage of the fact she has a drug problem. This is the great UKpunting at there very best. They do not care if young girls have drug problems or are being pimped as long as what they pay gets them a dirty session that is all they care about. So many are just out right perverts 60 and 70 year old men booking 18 to 20 year old young women and never satisfied unless she delivers a oscar worthy performance.

With new laws data/right to be forgotten the online bill i have a feeling UKPunting could be in trouble at some point as there abuse of women is causing harm to so many.

I am making plans to leave the business and i cannot recommend this to anybody thinking of doing it. The only women it might suit are women that already like swinging, dogging and enjoy risky sex with strangers and will enjoy getting paid for something they already do.

The positives side of it that i will add are working when you want to and the hours you want, making more then minimum wage and coming across the small percentage of men that smell nice, behave nice and maybe that bring you a nice gift like chocolates, flowers, perfume or even tip you but this is rare i might add.

What i might add some sex workers do not do themselves or women any favours by writing such degrading filth on there advertising details of how graphic they will get on a booking and posting photos of there whole naked body parts fully exposed and photos and short clips of them taking a throat f Some of these older women have teenage kids and all there faces on show for the world to see. I feel deeply sorry for there kids as a parent exposing themselves in such a degrading way. If these women suddenly cannot do sex work anymore they have there face and body parts out there forever. Who would want to give these women a job in the real world if they know or find out about what they have done. Do they care if there kids get bullied or everybody finds out what there mum does? Obviously not.

There is women that work and there hubby is very cool with it, they say he is just open minded and knows it is only a job and he lets me make my own choices and very supportive. What they do not tell you some of these men do not work or only work part time and are sitting on there arses waiting for the money roll in while they play Russian roulette on what stranger might attack you or catching infections.

I Hope this post will help some women to decide if they really need or want to do this for money this is the reality of it.

OP posts:
mintich · 22/09/2022 07:18

@PauliesWalnuts I've been on mumsnet for years.

Buildingthefuture · 22/09/2022 07:19

This is awful reading, but I imagine, an accurate reflection. I have spent my entire working career in a very male dominated environment and very little surprises me now. Having said that, someone posted a link to the UK punting site on here a while back and Christ, it’s fucking GRIM!!! It’s like Tripadvisor, for men entirely devoid of an ounce of moral fibre or empathy. There are many thousands of rancid fuckers on there - at least some of them must be husbands/ partners etc. do the wives/gfs just not know?? It’s worrying just how many of these sick bastards walk among us.
And it always makes me think, when people insist that “it’s not just men”…..why is there no massive industry for male prostitutes (straight ones anyway?)
I honestly cannot imagine a woman not bothering to shower for a few days then going round to some random blokes house and paying him to shag her? Then reviewing him on line?? Or going on a hen do and all piling into a male brothel for a shag??
It sounds awful op and I hope you manage to get out soon. You were brave to post it and hopefully it will help some women see the reality rather than the “glamour” of it, that can be portrayed on social media.

NippyWoowoo · 22/09/2022 07:53

ganvough · 22/09/2022 03:43

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9412311/Woke-universities-supporting-sex-work-students.html

So imagine my horror when I read this. When I was at uni it was still very hush-hush and not advertised. And it still attracted so many women. It does make me wonder what are young men at uni doing and if they take it up in the same numbers as women. Doubtful. But surely uni is the one place they have equal opportunities, so why do women see it as a viable option and men don't?

I'm pretty sure this is a rhetorical question but one answer is: men.

Men are the one paying for these services. So it would really only appeal to gay men, or men who were willing to be 'gay for pay'.

There are lots of other reasons as well which go much deeper and are based on the idea that women are seen as tings, also that women are bombarded with images of other women selling the lifestyle as luxurious, but I think the saddest one is that, as a group, women see themselves as less worthy, and therefore are easy to manipulate into thinking that the sex industry is a decent option.

NippyWoowoo · 22/09/2022 07:57

I do judge you im afraid OP as with no prostitutes there's no market for married men to cheat with prostitutes.

This is ridiculous and taking the onus off of men, as usual.

What is the issue for you? Men cheating, or men cheating with prostitutes? Because you know that men will cheat without them, right? And that prostitution still exists in countries where it's illegal?

Men are depraved and will always find a way to get what they want

Anon778833 · 22/09/2022 07:59

Sonnex · 22/09/2022 04:32

And soon we'll get someone on saying, well I do it and it's fine, sex work is empowering, I make great money etc. It's depressing that some young women still think it's easy money and go into this and then lie about it on social media to try and convince themselves its all fine. It's not is it. It's grim.

I do judge you im afraid OP as with no prostitutes there's no market for married men to cheat with prostitutes. But I can see how vulnerable or desperate (or deluded) women get sucked into it though and I hope you manage to get away and make a living doing something that isn't degrading. And it's the men at fault really isn't it.

What absolute crap. Men who want to cheat will cheat with anyone they can. So stop with the misogyny.

caracvanning · 22/09/2022 08:28

Another saying thanks for sharing. One of the great lies being peddled at the moment is that sex work empowers women. It doesn’t. It empowers men who hate women. As your experience makes clear.

HundredYearsOfSolitude · 22/09/2022 08:32

Thoroughly depressing that women are putting up with such disgusting behaviour from men. Choking etc is now seen as almost mainstream, this has to have come from porn videos.
I have a daughter at uni, the thought of her getting mixed up with this is terrifying.

Good luck op. Really hope you can get out, stay safe.

Sonnex · 22/09/2022 08:40

Im entitleld to my opinion. Of course it's the men at fault and of course they will cheat if they want to but the prostitutes like the OP aren't entirely blameless. She's entered into this voluntarily, twice, as she has written. She does have options. The women that are sex-traficked don't. It's not misogyny to say I despise prostitition (not dressing it up as 'escorting'), in all its forms, because it damages all women, not just the women involved in it (who are extremely damaged by it, as the OP has also said).

To hear of women voluntarily doing it because they think it's easy money or they don't think about the women whose partners they are going to be with in many cases increasingly annoys me I'm afraid. I increasingly hear of young girls (sixth form) through my job saying they will do cam work or go on Only Fans as their university part time job. They haven't got a clue. But it's becoming so normalised some of them will get sucked in. We should be trying to stamp it out imo and saving the poor girls who are actually sex trafficked and don't have any choice. Hideous sites like UKPunting wouldn't exist without the supply of prostitutes to fuel it. It's a pipe dream I know but I'm not going to pretend I don't judge people who voluntarily enter into it, to an extent. Equally I think the OP is doing a positive thing by describing the reality and trying to get out.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/09/2022 08:45

One of the great lies being peddled at the moment is that sex work empowers women. It doesn’t. It empowers men who hate women. As your experience makes clear

totally nailed it . It’s not fucking is it ? It’s hating

Fbunny · 22/09/2022 08:49

Thisisworsethananticpated · 22/09/2022 08:45

One of the great lies being peddled at the moment is that sex work empowers women. It doesn’t. It empowers men who hate women. As your experience makes clear

totally nailed it . It’s not fucking is it ? It’s hating

This !

the lies about empowerment is one of mens biggest attempts to gaslight women

twilightcafe · 22/09/2022 08:54

So why on earth are you doing this for a living?

Snowdust · 22/09/2022 09:11

Buildingthefuture · 22/09/2022 07:19

This is awful reading, but I imagine, an accurate reflection. I have spent my entire working career in a very male dominated environment and very little surprises me now. Having said that, someone posted a link to the UK punting site on here a while back and Christ, it’s fucking GRIM!!! It’s like Tripadvisor, for men entirely devoid of an ounce of moral fibre or empathy. There are many thousands of rancid fuckers on there - at least some of them must be husbands/ partners etc. do the wives/gfs just not know?? It’s worrying just how many of these sick bastards walk among us.
And it always makes me think, when people insist that “it’s not just men”…..why is there no massive industry for male prostitutes (straight ones anyway?)
I honestly cannot imagine a woman not bothering to shower for a few days then going round to some random blokes house and paying him to shag her? Then reviewing him on line?? Or going on a hen do and all piling into a male brothel for a shag??
It sounds awful op and I hope you manage to get out soon. You were brave to post it and hopefully it will help some women see the reality rather than the “glamour” of it, that can be portrayed on social media.

This is why i highlighted ukpunting there is thousands of men on there and it is basically a hunting ground with the worst men in society getting together. I heard they even share PM's discussing what young ladies are more submissive to get away with stuff. I don't have a problem with paid sex if the men are respectful and safe but the men on there are the main problem , too many bad men have found a platform together.

OP posts:
tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 22/09/2022 09:13

I hope you get out of this awful life soon OP.

Flowers

Amongst so many supportive posts there are also some pig ignorant posters ..,choice? Easy money? Jesus Christ. I think people forget the disgusting men who use these women are ordinary looking chaps on the outside. Someone's dad, husband or brother. Save your venom for them.

Flamingyon · 22/09/2022 09:14

twilightcafe · 22/09/2022 08:54

So why on earth are you doing this for a living?

Once you’re in it is so hard to get out, there are places you can access for help, but they can’t help everyone and not everyone can be helped for various reasons. Eg as mentioned above men who have used a prostitute will go out of their way to ruin her life/future career prospects. It can be very hard if you have been filmed (very common in cases of coercion or trafficking) for obvious reasons. Lots of women in the ‘sex industry’ turn to drugs and drink to cope and again it’s hard to break that cycle/addiction which makes it hard to leave ‘sex work’.

Snowdust · 22/09/2022 09:16

Anon778833 · 22/09/2022 07:59

What absolute crap. Men who want to cheat will cheat with anyone they can. So stop with the misogyny.

It's true if it's not paid they will get it another way. There is websites out there for married men to cheat, designed just for that purpose.

OP posts:
firstmummy2019 · 22/09/2022 10:00

jibbe · 21/09/2022 22:19

Men are douche bags, wonder what would happen if there were no sex workers to serve their depravity? I’m not knocking sex workers it’s a genuine question

Probably go out and rape women @jibbe

BobSmithuk · 22/09/2022 10:04

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Snowdust · 22/09/2022 10:11

For the posts saying why did i come back to it and its easy money or greed and i have choices.

I do not want to go into full details as why i returned for discretion but i will say i got into a lot of debt from failed businesse ventures that i had to pay back many thousands and i got diagnosed with a illness that restricted me from maintaining a full time normal job i had too many sick days off resulting in me being let go.

OP posts:
Crikeyalmighty · 22/09/2022 10:13

I actually agree with @Sonnex - I feel terrible for the women that are trafficked into this or feel they totally have no other options but that isn't the whole story- when young girls of all classes are busy discussing OF or camming as a College job , rather than 4 nights a week down at Wilcos shelf stacking then it comes down to good money/easy money- no one is forcing them . Anything that sounds too good to be true usually is. And what's the next step? They get sucked into£400 a week as a part time job and can't see the point in low paid entry jobs etc. it's a viscious circle. Many men are indeed revolting sleazebags but I'm more concerned for the young women who think the only way to get by is servicing these arseholes.

caracvanning · 22/09/2022 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You appear to be trying to argue that the UK is the victim of prostituted immigrant women.

My eyes can’t roll high enough.

Changemynamee · 22/09/2022 10:20

Thank you for your honesty. No one should be subjected to the abuse you described. It is important to hear the true voice of prostitution. We need to warn young women off going into prostitution, including webcam. There is a current trend in popular culture to promote 'sex workers'. This is to normalise the abuse of girls, some boys too. The rich celebrities who promote prostitution wouldn't dream of their own darlings renting out their orifices to 8 angry men each day.

silveranderson · 22/09/2022 10:38

When I read threads like this (and also those on Saafe), I realise just how lucky I have been during my time as an escort. All my clients have impeccable hygiene, none ever pushed my boundaries, tried to coerce or force me to do anything I did not want to. In fact, all went to great lengths to ensure I was comfortable with everything.

I do not use Adultwork though which I think sifts out a lot of undesirable men. I don’t take same day appointments or offer incalls which again cuts out the majority of those who are seeking sex - so much of it is about immediacy and instant gratification. Using my own website, I can do my own thing in terms of the kind of appointments I offer as well as screen my own way. Insisting on seeing ID, work verification and on occasion, references from other escorts (or companions are they now prefer to be called) means the men are more likely to behave better as they are exposing who they are at the outset and know they must be on their best behaviour to not only get their foot on the door but to continue to see me. I have never been reviewed either because the men I see understand confidentiality is a two way thing.

But, yes, I realise I am in the minority and most who go into prostitution will recognise the truth of what the OP is saying in all its depressing reality. I know for me, this is why I did not take the Adultwork route and escort around another regular job as this enables me to choose rather than necessitates me to see someone purely for money.

BobSmithuk · 22/09/2022 10:40

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Anyfeckinusername · 22/09/2022 10:41

OP thank you so much for being so honest and candid.

I feel for you. Society likes to think "selling sex acts" is all above board and tries to make it a regular transactional deal when as you have said, it is anything but.

I am an ex partner of one of "the men" that you have typically seen. He had a thriving account on adultwork. He would take Viagra to make sure he got "value". He typically spent about 150 per booking, every week.

I was pregnant with child #2 when discovered. I followed a trail of online activity and came upon U.K. punting - the grossest site I have ever encountered. I am not saying this lightly - seeing how these men think when free to say what they want did a total number on my head. Bile and vile.

An active worker from AW works from her house in a village nearby. She was reviewed in great detail on UKP and my ex used her. It is crazy how it's all around.

When I uncovered it all and threw a million questions at Ex, why why why how could you etc - he basically said the girls are just the sort of girls 'for that' - not like me, or our daughter 🙄, they are not real sex workers, an incredible sense of 'I will never get caught', a cycle he couldn't break of going online, searching, booking, excitement waiting, the meeting.

I just want you to know as there is a lot of judgement on this thread to you, that the judgement needs to sit 100% on the men. I have never felt animosity towards any of the women I knew my ex had used. I just couldn't get past the fact he can't see the industry for what it is.

I read Rachel Moran's "Paid For" book on being prostituted. It compounded everything I felt.

I hope you need to be in this industry is gone, and thank you again for sharing.

pawkins · 22/09/2022 10:47

I do judge you im afraid OP as with no prostitutes there's no market for married men to cheat with prostitutes

This attitude stinks. The poor men only cheat because prostitutes exist. The men aren’t to blame. What bullshit. Men who cheat will cheat whenever they can and once a cheat always a cheat. They just get better at covering their tracks.

An old work colleague used cheat with a married man. They’d had a couple of ONS’s and then he settled down, married and had children. Whenever she visited her parents hometown, she’d go to the local pub on the Sat night. Married man often went on Sat night too. During the evening they would both catch each other’s eye and say they were going to the bathroom. They’d go outside, and shag in a car or go to a mutual friends house after the pub, spend an hour together and go their separate ways. No interaction for months between them and this went on for years. She moved countries and has now married and has kids herself.
There are thousands of stories like this. People who want to cheat will cheat.
Wives who blame the other woman are fooling themselves.

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