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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reasons never to go into prostitution, the horrors of it and UKpunting Rant.

437 replies

Snowdust · 21/09/2022 16:14

I have seen many posts talking about working as a escort or sex worker and some of them being in a positive light and some women doing this while married or having a partner.

Well i wanted to write this not just as a rant for myself and to get it off my chest but to let other's know who might consider doing it that there is not that many positives to it. Quite a long detailed post but a necessary one.

I first started doing it 12 years ago and since i have come back the last 2 years i dont want to go into details of exact reasons of why i did it but i had my reasons. I want to give a honest account and hope not to be judged. People in my private life would never guess i do this i am not a typical stereotype nor do i have any addictions or have a husband or partner leeching off me. It was my decision and not taken lightly but there was reasons why i needed money this way.

When i first started it there was more money to earn and yes i earnt a good living for a while and put money away but it did come with it's problems and dealing with some nasty men is one of them. I am a private person and do this in secret only a few trusted people know the rest do not.

Since being back on a short term basis it has definately become much much tougher to bare. I work independently from adultwork website and work from hotels or apartments. Some days you earn ok other days not so good. The market is over run with many sex workers and you are played against each other by the men.

The men that book us there is probably only around 10 to 15% of what i would call decent men. When i say decent i mean ones that do not smell like a sewer or demand to do anything they want and get as much in the time as there minutes give them.

There is so many women now offering unprotected services not just oral but even bareback, some of these women will do anything like Rimming, letting men film them, letting men face choke them and swallowing lots of mens fluids and so on and this seems to be popular and what a lot of men want. Some prices are so cheap at 40 or 50 pounds for these 15 minute quickies, it's just awful. So much desperation out there.

I try to make my profile look not as sexually graphic and i do not offer a lot of these things required but even then you still get men trying it on and getting pissed off if you do not do exactly what they want. They seem to have this mind set if one woman has done something more full throttle or hardcore that we all should otherwise we are ripping them off.

Before you even get a client in the door you have to screen the many phone calls and texts. So many of these calls are not even paying clients, probably only about 40% of men calling are actual clients that visit women and pay the rest they are men that just get off on pretending they will book and want to talk dirty. You even have the nutters with anger issues that phone up wanting to start a argument so they can call you nasty names and threaten you. A lot of women will use safety apps to screen men who have many reports against them for either time wasting, no show bookings and pretending to be outside your road but there not even there they just get off on wasting your time. Then you have the dangerous reports where they have robbed women and attacked them, the ones that paid and tried to blackmail you after for a refund saying they will inform hotel after they had what they had off you, men that try removing the condom when having sex with you, men paying with a banking scam app where you do not even get paid, men that walk out on many women and insult you or pretend they left money in there car (a sick fetish where they have no intention to pay but get off on seeing a sex worker) and the horrible men from UK punting who use that site to harrass and blackmail for a better service. ( more about them at the end)

Then when you do get a client you hope he will be pleasant and at least not smell like the local sewer and pay up.

Now lets do percentages on clients.

Clean men who do not smell from there mouth, penis, bum, body. (After a shower)
20% i would say if that. Some men have no understanding that heavy breathing halitosis all over you is not in with the price or leaving skid marks on your towels and bedding then down below smelling of dried urine. There is not much embarrassment when you pull them up on it. A sorry that is not very genuine is what you get or just a Oh never realised.

Nice pleasant men who just want a nice time and respect that although they have paid they are not there to use you like a blow up doll and take advantage. I would say 15% possibly. I cannot say all men that visit are horrible vile people there is a few nice ones in there that treat you like a human but they are rare which is the sad point about this.

Married men that have zero respect for you and there wife. 80%. Yes you heard right. I don't like to see married men especially the type that boast about seeing lots of sex workers even hundreds and expect oral without a condom and even try to rub there bare penis on your lady bits and when you tell them not to they think you are ruining there fun and pull faces or keep asking. These are some of the married men that openly tell you they get regular sex with there wife but they want variety all the time some of these men have over 200 feedbacks on adultwork. They have no shame telling me all this as they must think i am just fine with this because what i do. No i take your money but think you are pond life for your lack of respect for your wife and women in general.

Horrible men that want to treat you like a submissive porn star even though that is not your advert. 50% i would say. Many when turned on change personality can even become spiteful gripping very hard, shoving your head down as hard as possible, pulling you around like a rag doll leaving finger bruises. When you tell some they might stop but you have killed the moment as they start going soft. What does that tell you? You also need to be on your guard that they will not try to stealth you because that does happen and when finished make sure you do not leave the client to get dressed while you are in bathroom as some will search for the money to take back.

Health risks. Well what can i say the more men you see the more risk some will have of catching STI's. Luckily i have not caught anything so far but i do not do so many of the risky sex acts but i know many women that have caught infections.

Now the dreaded UKpunting men. These lot are the worst of the worst not only no respect for sex workers but there whole intention is mostly abusing women and writing detailed reviews of a very private session all to make them feel good about themselves and the alpha male in charge. Lets make it clear this is not just any review site. It really is set up to take a lot from women and pay as little as possible. Normal review sites do not call women C*s or greedy bitches or low life whores because we dare charge them or put our prices up by £10, these lot do.

The men on there know exactly why most women do not want men from there booking them because a lot are dangerous they have form for blackmailing, harassing, stalking women and writing lies because a sex worker does not want to get face choked or have to french kiss them because they smell so bad and are so repulsive. They have also wrote personal details on the forum that has outed womens true identity. The previous owner used to have a thread aimed at getting verification photos taken from adultwork by accident of womens faces that were supposed to be hidden from the public but Adultwork had leaked that info by accident and UKpunting had software ready to grab these photos. Some women had contacted the owner at UK punting telling him to please remove my face photo as it was outed by accident on Adultwork and his response was no take me to court.

Ukpunting even had a thread on our safety app tools and telling dangerous clients how to get away with not showing up on it putting us in extra danger and so many on there have bad reports.

The website is really just there to fuel these mens ego's and fantasies by writing detailed reviews of what they do to us. They purposely try to disguise themselves by chaging times and dates because deep down they know they are predators. The most hypocritical thing is they expect discretion when it comes to them but they have no problem discussing every detail of what was said in the booking giving away personal info on general chit chst and discussing the slight bit of cellulite they might have seen or your body parts were not perfect enough.

If any man that stays on that site long enough it becomes obvious the majority of reviews and discussions are men that clearly are there to take advantage of us as much as possible. Decent men do not stay on that site and post reviews that cause us harm and danger they would leave. So these men are all guilty and as far as i am concerened they are happy to make our job harder and put us in bad situations. There is thousands of men on there and a lot married. They even come up with posts on how to get away with hiding it from there wives. I had one client once that told me his wife caught him and he swore on kids lives he would never do it again he told me he was back doing it again 6 weeks after this time using secretive sim and punting phone and planning his time visiting a lady by pretending to be working late and taken up a gym membership. These men have become too entitled and are only satisfied if the woman is literally selling her soul and giving the best performance of her life. Women are marked down if they have not taken enough inches down there throat or there eyes are not watering or there not gagging, this is how sick the website is and the men reviewing a lot of the time are some of the most repulsive to look at but there the least grateful, how does that even happen?

More alarming is the UKP men that do find a little young " hottie" age 18, 19, 0r 20 years of age that takes a great face f***g and throat pie as they call it the sad old men queue up to punt and review her, she gets quite busy all comparing notes and then she gives a few a STI infection there is hints mentioned it is her but within a few days that is old gossip they are all still all back there booking her and knowing she has a drug problem too, she is very unreliable keeps men waiting ages and her house is a dump but as long as they get there needs met they don't care and a lot of these are married. They knowingly take advantage of the fact she has a drug problem. This is the great UKpunting at there very best. They do not care if young girls have drug problems or are being pimped as long as what they pay gets them a dirty session that is all they care about. So many are just out right perverts 60 and 70 year old men booking 18 to 20 year old young women and never satisfied unless she delivers a oscar worthy performance.

With new laws data/right to be forgotten the online bill i have a feeling UKPunting could be in trouble at some point as there abuse of women is causing harm to so many.

I am making plans to leave the business and i cannot recommend this to anybody thinking of doing it. The only women it might suit are women that already like swinging, dogging and enjoy risky sex with strangers and will enjoy getting paid for something they already do.

The positives side of it that i will add are working when you want to and the hours you want, making more then minimum wage and coming across the small percentage of men that smell nice, behave nice and maybe that bring you a nice gift like chocolates, flowers, perfume or even tip you but this is rare i might add.

What i might add some sex workers do not do themselves or women any favours by writing such degrading filth on there advertising details of how graphic they will get on a booking and posting photos of there whole naked body parts fully exposed and photos and short clips of them taking a throat f Some of these older women have teenage kids and all there faces on show for the world to see. I feel deeply sorry for there kids as a parent exposing themselves in such a degrading way. If these women suddenly cannot do sex work anymore they have there face and body parts out there forever. Who would want to give these women a job in the real world if they know or find out about what they have done. Do they care if there kids get bullied or everybody finds out what there mum does? Obviously not.

There is women that work and there hubby is very cool with it, they say he is just open minded and knows it is only a job and he lets me make my own choices and very supportive. What they do not tell you some of these men do not work or only work part time and are sitting on there arses waiting for the money roll in while they play Russian roulette on what stranger might attack you or catching infections.

I Hope this post will help some women to decide if they really need or want to do this for money this is the reality of it.

OP posts:
Snowdust · 02/12/2022 11:17

Jayne thanks for posting this especially something so traumatic like a rape from a UKPunting member. This is something that still happens a lot and there has been many rapists on UKPunting.

What he did was rape and the brothel would not have wanted you to call the police as they could have got prosecuted for basically pimping you so no they would not care.

I understand why you never wanted to get the police involved at the time but the police now days take these things extremely serious. I know of somebody who had something a bit similar happen when seeing a customer and she reported him and justice was done he was sentenced in court to a nice lengthy prison sentence.

UKPUNTING do not care that reviews have encouraged more men to hurt women. There is reviews on there now encouraging other men "to do as they like and she will be up for anything "

Some of the reviews read that the woman is being forced to work or coerced and because she does not want to be there and not giving them there best time of there life they make comments like " i pounded her even harder as i was not leaving without some satisfaction and getting my monies worth" i seen other comments like " i told her no break she is sucking me off til i decide she finished and pushed her head down harder"

I asked a solicitor friend to look over some of these reviews and he believed they were bordering on criminal because some of this was without proper consent and if any of the ladies were being pushed into the prostitution by a third party then the customer who has just taken advantage is responsible for prosecution. It is the same for some reviews where they wrote the lady was drunk and off her face and they gladly enjoyed it more as they could get away with more. If they know someone is drunk or on drugs and not totally with it then there reviews could get them in big trouble but there too narrow minded to care as they are more interested in boasting of what they did in detail. Why are women drunk on the job or on drugs? Sounds like they are using it to get through the job.

Women should be able to decide if they want all there reviews removed whether positive or not as the men coming from there can be dangerous.

No amount of them trying to come across as the website is a more friendly place now will ever wash with me. It's the same misogynist men on there that had the same views previously still on there and the women are still getting violent men turning up from there and so many men use the blackmail if you don't do this or that i will blacklist you on UKPUNTING and ruin you with lies. This is the only review site i have ever heard of where the men throw in comments of blackmail and you know why it's because they know the reputation the website has for outing, abusing, harassing women.

They have thousands of members and charge £25 fee to join up. So if you have a review that has basically lied and raped you they want you to pay £25 to them for you to even sign up.

My solicitor friend thinks it's a good idea HMRC look into them fully as they live in the UK and all the members are in The UK. They only host elsewhere to try to make legal action harder.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2022 14:50

I'm so sorry Jayne. Love and hugs to you too.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 03/12/2022 20:27

Could we bring this to the attention of an MP? Get this spoken about in the house of commons?

OldFan · 03/12/2022 22:39

I understand why you never wanted to get the police involved at the time but the police now days take these things extremely serious.

I'm not a sex worker but that has not been my experience of the police and sexual crime unfortunately. A lot of the police don't even know 'stealthing' is a crime. I had one that was grinning as he had to phone and ask his boss.

Two different incidences of various kinds of rape and sexual exploitation from different men, I reported and both times the police dropped it without even bothering to interview the man. People say rape is virtually legal now due to how rare a conviction/sentence is.

OldFan · 03/12/2022 22:40

Another point to consider is that we have bodies but we also have souls. No amount of money is worth damaging that part of us.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 03/12/2022 22:56

Snowdust · 02/12/2022 11:17

Jayne thanks for posting this especially something so traumatic like a rape from a UKPunting member. This is something that still happens a lot and there has been many rapists on UKPunting.

What he did was rape and the brothel would not have wanted you to call the police as they could have got prosecuted for basically pimping you so no they would not care.

I understand why you never wanted to get the police involved at the time but the police now days take these things extremely serious. I know of somebody who had something a bit similar happen when seeing a customer and she reported him and justice was done he was sentenced in court to a nice lengthy prison sentence.

UKPUNTING do not care that reviews have encouraged more men to hurt women. There is reviews on there now encouraging other men "to do as they like and she will be up for anything "

Some of the reviews read that the woman is being forced to work or coerced and because she does not want to be there and not giving them there best time of there life they make comments like " i pounded her even harder as i was not leaving without some satisfaction and getting my monies worth" i seen other comments like " i told her no break she is sucking me off til i decide she finished and pushed her head down harder"

I asked a solicitor friend to look over some of these reviews and he believed they were bordering on criminal because some of this was without proper consent and if any of the ladies were being pushed into the prostitution by a third party then the customer who has just taken advantage is responsible for prosecution. It is the same for some reviews where they wrote the lady was drunk and off her face and they gladly enjoyed it more as they could get away with more. If they know someone is drunk or on drugs and not totally with it then there reviews could get them in big trouble but there too narrow minded to care as they are more interested in boasting of what they did in detail. Why are women drunk on the job or on drugs? Sounds like they are using it to get through the job.

Women should be able to decide if they want all there reviews removed whether positive or not as the men coming from there can be dangerous.

No amount of them trying to come across as the website is a more friendly place now will ever wash with me. It's the same misogynist men on there that had the same views previously still on there and the women are still getting violent men turning up from there and so many men use the blackmail if you don't do this or that i will blacklist you on UKPUNTING and ruin you with lies. This is the only review site i have ever heard of where the men throw in comments of blackmail and you know why it's because they know the reputation the website has for outing, abusing, harassing women.

They have thousands of members and charge £25 fee to join up. So if you have a review that has basically lied and raped you they want you to pay £25 to them for you to even sign up.

My solicitor friend thinks it's a good idea HMRC look into them fully as they live in the UK and all the members are in The UK. They only host elsewhere to try to make legal action harder.

They actually both live in Sheffield. Going back to 2009 Jon is a firefighter and Nik a high school teacher. Both were members of punternet for a long time but branched out alone when they were called out for their reviews and the way they spoke to and about the women. I used to have quite a lot of info about jon in particular, i including a photo of him but destroyed it all many years ago when I left that life.

Jayne700 · 04/12/2022 06:55

I must have read this entire thread about 10 times now but I still cannot decide what side of the fence to sit on
The subject of being a "sex worker" or as many here prefer to call it " a prostitute" has always been controversial and complex
Naturally many of you have very firm views and you are entitled to express them - many will call it exploitation but some will call it empowerment
Up until recently I never really tried to analyse myself - for at least 2 reasons
Firstly I was trying to put it all behind me and secondly it wouldn't really change anything and could possibly be more negative than positive
One thing is for sure - and that is that my heart was always broken when I heard of girls being trafficked or persuaded into prostitution by boyfriends or partners or because of financial reasons
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would become involved in it - I came from a middle class family , had a good education ( university ) and had a loving and stable family life
The only way I can start to understand what happened is to split it into 2 - the first was when I was at home with the family and then when I moved out

The first part is clear to me - I started working purely and simply to ensure my family could survive the fallout from my ex's accident
I certainly didn't enter the job with rose tinted glasses on - I knew that there wasn't going to be a stream of Richard Gere lookalikes coming through the door
I also knew that I would have to be as intimate as any 2 adults can be with men who physically and mentally repulsed me - I certainly regret it now as it had exactly the opposite effect on my family and relationship

The second part of my story is rather more complex - when I had split from my ex , moved away and then made a conscious decision to carry on working

During my first spell I had met a variety of girls -sure most of them hated doing it - but not all
I remember meeting a 25 year old who was doing a PhD - She told me that for her, at that particular moment in her life it was ideal and that she couldn't see herself doing a "normal" job until she had finished her education
Then I met a few swingers who genuinely had a high sex drive - who enjoyed having sex with strangers and thought "why not get paid for it?" - it is certainly not for me to judge them

When I decided to continue working this was for a variety of reasons ( and tbh the money although good was not paramount)
I would be lying if I said that I never enjoyed it - I had only ever slept with my husband - so I did find it exciting - I'm sure a psychiatrist would be able to fathom that out !
I don't want to portray an image of being a "happy hooker" but I did have some good times
Before anyone comments on this I have to say I have never suffered from thoughts of self worth or had body dysmorphia issues
Having said that there were many days over the years when I got home that I would spend an hour or more in my bath as I felt unclean or even sore some days
In addition there were also some things that I did ( mostly for money ) that I am not proud of
As the original poster has said - the likes of UKP did not help but I soon learned to ignore certain comments

Another downside was the police ! - I wonder if there are any WPC's on here who would like to comment ?
They would come to visit periodically to check for drugs, underage girls that sort of thing - to be honest the male coppers weren't too bad ( probably just came for a perv ) but the women officers were nasty and vindictive - you could tell because they would make derogatory comments

" Do your Mum and Dad know what you do ? " !!!!!!

"So how many cocks have you had up your arse today then ?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And look at you as if you were something they needed to scrape off their shoe

They came in with the sole intention of embarrassing us and were deliberately demeaning and humiliating

Surely there was absolutely no need for them to be like that ! and in my opinion was far worse than anything that was written on the internet
The sexual health nurses who visited were much more professional and non judgemental

What helped was my choice of parlour - most of them you didn't have any say in who you would see - you were expected to service every guy who came through the door and asked for you and couldn't say no
However I ended up at a place which was run by 2 ex working girls who were far more understanding and sympathetic if you didn't wish to see a particular guy

In hindsight I probably stayed working too long

We are all different I guess - I can honestly say that whilst I am not proud of what I did I honestly don't think it has damaged me either physically or mentally
Obviously I am not the norm and fully understand some of the other posters viewpoints
I have to say to anyone contemplating of starting ( especially if they are young) to think very very hard about it
I think I am very lucky in that I can put it all behind me and move on with no excess baggage - it is very unlikely that you will be so fortunate and no amount of money can change that

Love Jayne xx

OldFan · 04/12/2022 21:48

They would come to visit periodically to check for drugs, underage girls that sort of thing

That's good @Jayne700 although the police shouldn't be obnoxious.

I think the brothels are hardly ever checked on where I am, they're just allowed to carry on.

One time there was a raid which uncovered a lot of trafficked women.

beatsin8s · 05/12/2022 19:24

I'm unsure why anyone is saying people are trying to decriminalise the rape of women and children? They will ALWAYS be a criminal offence, clearly!

I've no idea which way to go is best and all sex workers opinions on this are completely valid.

Sex work is not going to go away so would decriminalising not help women report the abusive men without fear of recrimination?

Notanotherusername4321 · 05/12/2022 19:28

Sex work is not going to go away so would decriminalising not help women report the abusive men without fear of recrimination?

not a lawyer but fairly sure sex workers aren’t commuting criminal offences.

it’s not illegal to sell sex.

it is illegal so solicit- so men offering to pay for sex are commuting an offence. And it is illegal to operate a brothel- so more than two sex workers operating from on address (except possibly in parts of Scotland?)

sex workers can report abusive men and there will be no legal recrimination.

beatsin8s · 06/12/2022 14:33

Notanotherusername4321 · 05/12/2022 19:28

Sex work is not going to go away so would decriminalising not help women report the abusive men without fear of recrimination?

not a lawyer but fairly sure sex workers aren’t commuting criminal offences.

it’s not illegal to sell sex.

it is illegal so solicit- so men offering to pay for sex are commuting an offence. And it is illegal to operate a brothel- so more than two sex workers operating from on address (except possibly in parts of Scotland?)

sex workers can report abusive men and there will be no legal recrimination.

Thank you for clarifying.

KatysMumJen · 06/01/2023 02:05

The irony in your judgement of other women is wild considering you’re unable to differentiate between there, their and they’re.
take several seats.

Euan9 · 27/02/2023 21:28

This person is obviously unsuitable for her line of work and is venting her frustration at the men who use her services.
There is no doubt a minority of repulsive men who use escorts but the majority are clean and respectful. If they are not, they should be turned away.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/02/2023 22:01

Euan9 · 27/02/2023 21:28

This person is obviously unsuitable for her line of work and is venting her frustration at the men who use her services.
There is no doubt a minority of repulsive men who use escorts but the majority are clean and respectful. If they are not, they should be turned away.

Hahahahaha you think the majority of punters are clean and respectful?
Its the minority who are.
If you work in a brothel you do not have the ability to turn a punter away.
You are obviously a man who doesn't have a fucking clue.

ThatFairTaupeTraybake · 11/03/2024 03:08

This reply has been deleted

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Phobiaphobic · 11/03/2024 04:37

Christ, the misogyny on this thread is off the scale. It is not women's fault if your husband is a sleazy bastard.

Phobiaphobic · 11/03/2024 04:38

This reply has been deleted

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One of the punters has arrived, I
I see.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/03/2024 04:42

@Phobiaphobic it's a barely semi-literate punter.

Top tip for men: Women like spelling and grammar.

LuciaSoto · 11/03/2024 05:42

That drivel of a paragraph will be the longest thing in his sad life.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 11/03/2024 08:27

This reply has been deleted

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You are a disgusting person

Post reported

Itsamthing · 11/03/2024 12:43

That's awful to read, i personally wouldn't think twice about using a sex worker, they are 99% damaged goods. Sleeping with men who have familys and wives. Spreading STIs. Entertaining horrible men with horrible requests. I just can't get my head around how you would want to put your privates into a woman who has had 4,5,10 others men inside her in the past 24 hours. It's all just horrific. Hopefully this post puts off men and women alike.

I think it's a very brave post. I hope your situation improves where you don't have to or want to do this work. It must be soul destroying to come into contact with the men you come into contact with, you'll probably never trust a man again.

SheepAndSword · 11/03/2024 13:38

I dislike sex workers being referred to as damaged goods.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 11/03/2024 13:49

Sleeping with men who have familys and wives. Spreading STIs.

//

Won't anyone think of those poor menz, being forced to sleep with sex workers instead of their wives, being forced to contract STIs Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/03/2024 14:05

SheepAndSword · 11/03/2024 13:38

I dislike sex workers being referred to as damaged goods.

That's because you meet the standard of being a human with empathy. Many on this thread can't reach that bar.

Terry Pratchett said that all evil begins when you begin to treat people as things. Both using a prostituted woman, and referring to her as 'goods' is evil.

Xenoi24 · 11/03/2024 15:34

Sleeping with men who have familys and wives. Spreading STIs

Ah yeah the prostitutes and pimps put guns to those married men's heads ... So they stick their dicks in often immigrant, gang run, disadvantaged women and then stick them in their wives.

Ain't no sti's being spread by faithful men!