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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reasons never to go into prostitution, the horrors of it and UKpunting Rant.

437 replies

Snowdust · 21/09/2022 16:14

I have seen many posts talking about working as a escort or sex worker and some of them being in a positive light and some women doing this while married or having a partner.

Well i wanted to write this not just as a rant for myself and to get it off my chest but to let other's know who might consider doing it that there is not that many positives to it. Quite a long detailed post but a necessary one.

I first started doing it 12 years ago and since i have come back the last 2 years i dont want to go into details of exact reasons of why i did it but i had my reasons. I want to give a honest account and hope not to be judged. People in my private life would never guess i do this i am not a typical stereotype nor do i have any addictions or have a husband or partner leeching off me. It was my decision and not taken lightly but there was reasons why i needed money this way.

When i first started it there was more money to earn and yes i earnt a good living for a while and put money away but it did come with it's problems and dealing with some nasty men is one of them. I am a private person and do this in secret only a few trusted people know the rest do not.

Since being back on a short term basis it has definately become much much tougher to bare. I work independently from adultwork website and work from hotels or apartments. Some days you earn ok other days not so good. The market is over run with many sex workers and you are played against each other by the men.

The men that book us there is probably only around 10 to 15% of what i would call decent men. When i say decent i mean ones that do not smell like a sewer or demand to do anything they want and get as much in the time as there minutes give them.

There is so many women now offering unprotected services not just oral but even bareback, some of these women will do anything like Rimming, letting men film them, letting men face choke them and swallowing lots of mens fluids and so on and this seems to be popular and what a lot of men want. Some prices are so cheap at 40 or 50 pounds for these 15 minute quickies, it's just awful. So much desperation out there.

I try to make my profile look not as sexually graphic and i do not offer a lot of these things required but even then you still get men trying it on and getting pissed off if you do not do exactly what they want. They seem to have this mind set if one woman has done something more full throttle or hardcore that we all should otherwise we are ripping them off.

Before you even get a client in the door you have to screen the many phone calls and texts. So many of these calls are not even paying clients, probably only about 40% of men calling are actual clients that visit women and pay the rest they are men that just get off on pretending they will book and want to talk dirty. You even have the nutters with anger issues that phone up wanting to start a argument so they can call you nasty names and threaten you. A lot of women will use safety apps to screen men who have many reports against them for either time wasting, no show bookings and pretending to be outside your road but there not even there they just get off on wasting your time. Then you have the dangerous reports where they have robbed women and attacked them, the ones that paid and tried to blackmail you after for a refund saying they will inform hotel after they had what they had off you, men that try removing the condom when having sex with you, men paying with a banking scam app where you do not even get paid, men that walk out on many women and insult you or pretend they left money in there car (a sick fetish where they have no intention to pay but get off on seeing a sex worker) and the horrible men from UK punting who use that site to harrass and blackmail for a better service. ( more about them at the end)

Then when you do get a client you hope he will be pleasant and at least not smell like the local sewer and pay up.

Now lets do percentages on clients.

Clean men who do not smell from there mouth, penis, bum, body. (After a shower)
20% i would say if that. Some men have no understanding that heavy breathing halitosis all over you is not in with the price or leaving skid marks on your towels and bedding then down below smelling of dried urine. There is not much embarrassment when you pull them up on it. A sorry that is not very genuine is what you get or just a Oh never realised.

Nice pleasant men who just want a nice time and respect that although they have paid they are not there to use you like a blow up doll and take advantage. I would say 15% possibly. I cannot say all men that visit are horrible vile people there is a few nice ones in there that treat you like a human but they are rare which is the sad point about this.

Married men that have zero respect for you and there wife. 80%. Yes you heard right. I don't like to see married men especially the type that boast about seeing lots of sex workers even hundreds and expect oral without a condom and even try to rub there bare penis on your lady bits and when you tell them not to they think you are ruining there fun and pull faces or keep asking. These are some of the married men that openly tell you they get regular sex with there wife but they want variety all the time some of these men have over 200 feedbacks on adultwork. They have no shame telling me all this as they must think i am just fine with this because what i do. No i take your money but think you are pond life for your lack of respect for your wife and women in general.

Horrible men that want to treat you like a submissive porn star even though that is not your advert. 50% i would say. Many when turned on change personality can even become spiteful gripping very hard, shoving your head down as hard as possible, pulling you around like a rag doll leaving finger bruises. When you tell some they might stop but you have killed the moment as they start going soft. What does that tell you? You also need to be on your guard that they will not try to stealth you because that does happen and when finished make sure you do not leave the client to get dressed while you are in bathroom as some will search for the money to take back.

Health risks. Well what can i say the more men you see the more risk some will have of catching STI's. Luckily i have not caught anything so far but i do not do so many of the risky sex acts but i know many women that have caught infections.

Now the dreaded UKpunting men. These lot are the worst of the worst not only no respect for sex workers but there whole intention is mostly abusing women and writing detailed reviews of a very private session all to make them feel good about themselves and the alpha male in charge. Lets make it clear this is not just any review site. It really is set up to take a lot from women and pay as little as possible. Normal review sites do not call women C*s or greedy bitches or low life whores because we dare charge them or put our prices up by £10, these lot do.

The men on there know exactly why most women do not want men from there booking them because a lot are dangerous they have form for blackmailing, harassing, stalking women and writing lies because a sex worker does not want to get face choked or have to french kiss them because they smell so bad and are so repulsive. They have also wrote personal details on the forum that has outed womens true identity. The previous owner used to have a thread aimed at getting verification photos taken from adultwork by accident of womens faces that were supposed to be hidden from the public but Adultwork had leaked that info by accident and UKpunting had software ready to grab these photos. Some women had contacted the owner at UK punting telling him to please remove my face photo as it was outed by accident on Adultwork and his response was no take me to court.

Ukpunting even had a thread on our safety app tools and telling dangerous clients how to get away with not showing up on it putting us in extra danger and so many on there have bad reports.

The website is really just there to fuel these mens ego's and fantasies by writing detailed reviews of what they do to us. They purposely try to disguise themselves by chaging times and dates because deep down they know they are predators. The most hypocritical thing is they expect discretion when it comes to them but they have no problem discussing every detail of what was said in the booking giving away personal info on general chit chst and discussing the slight bit of cellulite they might have seen or your body parts were not perfect enough.

If any man that stays on that site long enough it becomes obvious the majority of reviews and discussions are men that clearly are there to take advantage of us as much as possible. Decent men do not stay on that site and post reviews that cause us harm and danger they would leave. So these men are all guilty and as far as i am concerened they are happy to make our job harder and put us in bad situations. There is thousands of men on there and a lot married. They even come up with posts on how to get away with hiding it from there wives. I had one client once that told me his wife caught him and he swore on kids lives he would never do it again he told me he was back doing it again 6 weeks after this time using secretive sim and punting phone and planning his time visiting a lady by pretending to be working late and taken up a gym membership. These men have become too entitled and are only satisfied if the woman is literally selling her soul and giving the best performance of her life. Women are marked down if they have not taken enough inches down there throat or there eyes are not watering or there not gagging, this is how sick the website is and the men reviewing a lot of the time are some of the most repulsive to look at but there the least grateful, how does that even happen?

More alarming is the UKP men that do find a little young " hottie" age 18, 19, 0r 20 years of age that takes a great face f***g and throat pie as they call it the sad old men queue up to punt and review her, she gets quite busy all comparing notes and then she gives a few a STI infection there is hints mentioned it is her but within a few days that is old gossip they are all still all back there booking her and knowing she has a drug problem too, she is very unreliable keeps men waiting ages and her house is a dump but as long as they get there needs met they don't care and a lot of these are married. They knowingly take advantage of the fact she has a drug problem. This is the great UKpunting at there very best. They do not care if young girls have drug problems or are being pimped as long as what they pay gets them a dirty session that is all they care about. So many are just out right perverts 60 and 70 year old men booking 18 to 20 year old young women and never satisfied unless she delivers a oscar worthy performance.

With new laws data/right to be forgotten the online bill i have a feeling UKPunting could be in trouble at some point as there abuse of women is causing harm to so many.

I am making plans to leave the business and i cannot recommend this to anybody thinking of doing it. The only women it might suit are women that already like swinging, dogging and enjoy risky sex with strangers and will enjoy getting paid for something they already do.

The positives side of it that i will add are working when you want to and the hours you want, making more then minimum wage and coming across the small percentage of men that smell nice, behave nice and maybe that bring you a nice gift like chocolates, flowers, perfume or even tip you but this is rare i might add.

What i might add some sex workers do not do themselves or women any favours by writing such degrading filth on there advertising details of how graphic they will get on a booking and posting photos of there whole naked body parts fully exposed and photos and short clips of them taking a throat f Some of these older women have teenage kids and all there faces on show for the world to see. I feel deeply sorry for there kids as a parent exposing themselves in such a degrading way. If these women suddenly cannot do sex work anymore they have there face and body parts out there forever. Who would want to give these women a job in the real world if they know or find out about what they have done. Do they care if there kids get bullied or everybody finds out what there mum does? Obviously not.

There is women that work and there hubby is very cool with it, they say he is just open minded and knows it is only a job and he lets me make my own choices and very supportive. What they do not tell you some of these men do not work or only work part time and are sitting on there arses waiting for the money roll in while they play Russian roulette on what stranger might attack you or catching infections.

I Hope this post will help some women to decide if they really need or want to do this for money this is the reality of it.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 25/09/2022 20:52

Keep in mind I’m not minimising the OP’s experience one bit, she as all the right to talk about her own experience just as I have the right to talk about mine. I’m very very sorry she had such an awful experience, but again mine is a very different one. My experience doesn’t seem to fit your narrative and you seem quite angry. 🤔

Snowdust · 25/09/2022 20:58

I wanted to address the so called "paid rape" that has been mentioned.

In some cases there is truth in this, you only have to read a lot of reviews on UKpunting to see how angry men get if they are not able to do exactly what they want or as hard as they want. I remember reading what a member once wrote saying something along the lines of " i paid my money and i am getting my monies worth there is no way i was leaving without banging her hard both inside her and her mouth even though she kept trying to stop me by shutting her legs saying it's hurting i just ignored her and carried on"

I have seen men that do not behave like the above and ask me if they can do something or is this ok to touch you here and please let me know if anything hurts or you are uncomfortable. Those men i do not think they are paying to rape and i do not feel like i have been raped.

OP posts:
Snowdust · 25/09/2022 21:13

BloodAndFire · 25/09/2022 19:34

Could you answer the questions I asked earlier please?

As a reminder:

How do you, via phone call, 'weed out'

  • men who are unwashed
  • men who will secretly remove the condom during sex
  • men who try to choke you
?

Thanks!

I will answer it for you. Sex workers do have support groups like NUM where you can report dangerous men it's a charity and we do have private WhatsApp groups to share bad clients. I have been saved many times by clients calling me who i know have bad reports so i do not see them or even take there call. Although this is great it's not a given or a guarantee as men change there details. We cannot vet on somebody's hygiene as we do not know until they paid and undressed. Other ways are using our common sense by having a chat and seeing what there attitude, manners are like and looking for anything said that could be an alarm bell.

No vetting procedure is a guarantee for a good client. Some women never even speak to the client they do it all over text message so they would not have a scooby doo if they sound drunk or off there face.

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 25/09/2022 21:31

@Snowdust Some women never even speak to the client they do it all over text message so they would not have a scooby doo if they sound drunk or off there face.

Taking a new client by text message is a very unsafe practice, we all know that and very few sex workers do it (you're signing up for drama by doing that). You need to have a nice long chat and ask some key questions as part of the vetting process. Of course that doesn't mean that you'll get a bad apple every now and them, someone who sounded perfectly normal on the phone, passed your screening process and then showed up drunk, but then you need to tell them to call you when they arrive downstairs. I have a "no alcohol no drugs" policy on my website so if the second time they call me from downstairs they sound drunk I'm not letting them in. Simple as. This job is all about setting filters, boundaries, having a good head on your shoulders and knowing how and when to say "no". Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Without them you're going to have a bad time and it's not worth it. Some people are not good at boundaries and this line of work is not for them.

Snowdust · 25/09/2022 21:40

Sandra1984 · 25/09/2022 21:31

@Snowdust Some women never even speak to the client they do it all over text message so they would not have a scooby doo if they sound drunk or off there face.

Taking a new client by text message is a very unsafe practice, we all know that and very few sex workers do it (you're signing up for drama by doing that). You need to have a nice long chat and ask some key questions as part of the vetting process. Of course that doesn't mean that you'll get a bad apple every now and them, someone who sounded perfectly normal on the phone, passed your screening process and then showed up drunk, but then you need to tell them to call you when they arrive downstairs. I have a "no alcohol no drugs" policy on my website so if the second time they call me from downstairs they sound drunk I'm not letting them in. Simple as. This job is all about setting filters, boundaries, having a good head on your shoulders and knowing how and when to say "no". Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Without them you're going to have a bad time and it's not worth it. Some people are not good at boundaries and this line of work is not for them.

Sandra it's not accurate that hardly any sex workers take appointments by text. You only need to look at a large amount of adverts on adultwork to see many request appointments are done just by text message and something they encourage.

To do with other safety measures i agree with you and i follow them too but it is still a chance we take.

OP posts:
roarfeckingroarr · 25/09/2022 21:46

@strawberriesonthemoon please stop derailing what has been a very eye opening and supportive thread. You have your views - shared across much of the internet - do you need to promote your pro "sex work" happy hooker narrative where abused women are sharing their stories? No.

Sandra1984 · 25/09/2022 21:48

@Snowdust Sandra it's not accurate that hardly any sex workers take appointments by text. You only need to look at a large amount of adverts on adultwork to see many request appointments are done just by text message and something they encourage.

I've seen those ads and it blows my mind too. It's a very unsafe way to work and those women are signing up for a lot of trouble. Taking into your place every Joe public who contacts you from some dodgy sex site without a thorough proper screening is madness.

Sandra1984 · 25/09/2022 22:08

My above post applies to anyone in general working from home and seeing clients. I have a massage therapist friend working from home too and her screening methods are equally thorough as mine. She’s had a couple of bad experiences because when you’re dealing with the public having a bad apple falling through the cracks of your vetting process is something inevitable. Learning how to keep safe as a woman when being self employed is upmost important, in my line of work or any other.

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond · 26/09/2022 07:37

roarfeckingroarr · 25/09/2022 21:46

@strawberriesonthemoon please stop derailing what has been a very eye opening and supportive thread. You have your views - shared across much of the internet - do you need to promote your pro "sex work" happy hooker narrative where abused women are sharing their stories? No.

Agreed!

Strawberries main concern other than her VERY IMPORTANT AND CLEVER THESIS seems to be ensuring that all these happy hookers...sorry, I mean "content sex workers" stay in the profession. And to spew these views on a thread where sex workers have shared their traumatic experiences is cunty in the extreme

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond · 26/09/2022 07:54

And also agree that these views are EVERYWHERE online. All this "finally, someone who has a sane perspective like me <wipes away tear>" when someone agreed with her 🙄. Those views are so fucking common it isn't even worth mentioning.

This isn't that sort of thread which would be glaringly obvious to anyone with any sense.

And finally, you said you wouldn't come back to the thread and I'm sure I wasn't the only one heaving a sigh of relief and yet here she (he?) is all over the thread again. Time to stop.

AdamRyan · 26/09/2022 07:54

Sandra1984 · 25/09/2022 22:08

My above post applies to anyone in general working from home and seeing clients. I have a massage therapist friend working from home too and her screening methods are equally thorough as mine. She’s had a couple of bad experiences because when you’re dealing with the public having a bad apple falling through the cracks of your vetting process is something inevitable. Learning how to keep safe as a woman when being self employed is upmost important, in my line of work or any other.

Victim blaming much?
I am sure prostitutes are far more likely to be assaulted, robbed or murdered than any other job, no matter how "careful" they are. That's because men are violent and men who use prostitutes are more likely to have misogynistic views of women.

On a related note, people might find this interesting.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2010/jan/15/why-men-use-prostitutes

forgotoldusername · 26/09/2022 08:32

@Sandra1984 I go to a beautician who works from home and sees women only. She has never had a problem with violent clients (someone once left without paying saying she didn't have cash but that's not violent last time I looked). So nope not all professions working from home have to do the same level of vetting. I even saw a male chiropodist WFH and I wasn't concerned in the least about violence and I'm sure he wasn't either (also because I'd already paid and he had all my details from my credit card). So feel free to justify what you do but nope it's way more risky than other professions.

As for @strawberriesonthemoon showing off her "academic credentials" (can I please laugh here?) you have no f clue. The OP was telling us of her experience. I have an idea - why don't you post your profile on one of those sex websites (sorry I know nothing about that), get fucked by 100 men and then come back and tell us the story? You'll be more credible.

Sandra1984 · 26/09/2022 11:02

@AdamRyan Victim blaming much?
I am sure prostitutes are far more likely to be assaulted, robbed or murdered than any other job, no matter how "careful" they are. That's because men are violent and men who use prostitutes are more likely to have misogynistic views of women.

Sex workers experience violence from different groups, men with extreme misogynistic views and women who disagree with our chosen job. Both groups seem to know “what is better for us”. Since I posted on this thread I’ve never been met with so much hatred, one poster even saying I should not be allowed to post because my personal experience doesn't align with her narrative. I understand the OP had a terrible time and she has my total empathy, I wish her the best in her new endeavour and hope she finds a line of work that she enjoys. My heart goes to her.I joined this thread to tell her this had not been my experience in sex work and was met with an incredible amount of hatred. The irony of all is the the opening statement was a critique of a known online forum were sex workers are being devalued and treated with violence. That’s how I feel posting on this forum. Horseshoe theory comes to mind?

Sugarplumfairy65 · 26/09/2022 11:05

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 21/09/2022 19:29

Sounds like it's got worse since I left the business a few years back. UK Punting was around but could be largely ignored, and all the decent punters (on Punternet) thought Jimmy Red Cab, Nick et al were twats. Adult Work was considered really sleazy too and the really well respected escorts weren't on there, preferring to have their own websites and have listings on nicer directories.

My experiences over my 15+ years as an independent escort were not like yours OP, I'm glad to say. Pretty much all of my clients were pleasant, respectful, and clean, and only the odd one or two didn't have excellent hygene or had attitude. Sure there were timewasters (loads will try and use escorts for free sex chat lines) but I found having very clear and strong boundaries, and strict rules mentioned on my website, kept them largely at bay. Always got money (cash only) up front because of the scammers, and had very stringent security measures.

When I worked I deliberately went for quality not quantity so only had a few bookings each week. I charged a lot and didn't have "sexy" photos on my website, purely to attract respectful clients who wanted a more exclusive, "girlfriend" service. It worked really well for me which meant that my mental health was still OK by the time I left.

The worst thing for me was realising it was almost impossible to have a romantic relationship whilst being an escort. Very few men can handle it understandably. Plus the secrecy and always having to lie when asked what I did for a living. Oh, and the annual chore of doing my accounts.

I know posters hate the "empowering" chants, but I can honestly say the first 2 years I found really empowering. However, the reason for that was that I was so fed up of men lying their way into my pants that it felt great to be calling the shots at last, getting some good sex (often better than with exes!) and it being a transparent arrangement. If men had treated me better when I was dating them, and if my job opportunities were better then, I may well not have entered the business. So deep down, I accept, it was shitty when you look at the underlying reasons.

I remember the days of Punternet and Galahad with his elbow patches. I got out of the business in 2006 so around the time that adultwork started.
The owner of UK punting is actually a guy called Nick, a mate of Jimmy red cab on Punternet and cut out of the same mould. Nick is, or was a high school teacher back in those days. He was a very bitter person who hated women who had an opinion. The other guy who helped him start uk punting was Jon. He was a fireman from Sheffield and another vile man who went for the pornstar experience. He used to film videos with a woman who did bareback with multiple men at the same time and post the videos on another forum he started.
I was in the industry for 10 years and am so glad that I got out when I did

Gotmynewshoes · 26/09/2022 11:10

It's a critique of a forum that shares tips on how to enact actual bodily harm and how to get away with it. No one here is doing that. Saying that they don’t like sex work is not colluding to commit physical violence upon another human being. Saying that it is is to diminish and minimise what these disgusting men do.

Snowdust · 26/09/2022 11:28

Sugarplumfairy65 · 26/09/2022 11:05

I remember the days of Punternet and Galahad with his elbow patches. I got out of the business in 2006 so around the time that adultwork started.
The owner of UK punting is actually a guy called Nick, a mate of Jimmy red cab on Punternet and cut out of the same mould. Nick is, or was a high school teacher back in those days. He was a very bitter person who hated women who had an opinion. The other guy who helped him start uk punting was Jon. He was a fireman from Sheffield and another vile man who went for the pornstar experience. He used to film videos with a woman who did bareback with multiple men at the same time and post the videos on another forum he started.
I was in the industry for 10 years and am so glad that I got out when I did

Thank you. This is what i have been saying a big percentage that have all found each other and encouraged to be misogynist and show hatred for women is the biggest problem.

What i am starting to think is the women that never get any bad clients maybe they have different standards to me and are oblivious to it i know myself i have come met 2 ladies that seem to think the odd attack of stealthing and being robbed was just part of the job and no need to get police involved. They also put up with many liberties taken in the appointment of rough handling and leaving skid marks but would still see them again.

I think we just have different opinions which is not acceptable. I see some women's adverts calling themselves " dirty slut wife" "Bella slut Deepthroat" "submissive BBW Whore" " creampie slut lauren" these women seem to want to attract the wrong sort that most of us want to stay away from but these women are usually the one's that say they love the job.

OP posts:
LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond · 26/09/2022 11:36

Sandra1984 · 26/09/2022 11:02

@AdamRyan Victim blaming much?
I am sure prostitutes are far more likely to be assaulted, robbed or murdered than any other job, no matter how "careful" they are. That's because men are violent and men who use prostitutes are more likely to have misogynistic views of women.

Sex workers experience violence from different groups, men with extreme misogynistic views and women who disagree with our chosen job. Both groups seem to know “what is better for us”. Since I posted on this thread I’ve never been met with so much hatred, one poster even saying I should not be allowed to post because my personal experience doesn't align with her narrative. I understand the OP had a terrible time and she has my total empathy, I wish her the best in her new endeavour and hope she finds a line of work that she enjoys. My heart goes to her.I joined this thread to tell her this had not been my experience in sex work and was met with an incredible amount of hatred. The irony of all is the the opening statement was a critique of a known online forum were sex workers are being devalued and treated with violence. That’s how I feel posting on this forum. Horseshoe theory comes to mind?

Did you seriously just compare people supporting op's view on this thread with men who are sexually violent towards the sex workers they use? Did you seriously just do that?

Nobody is attacking you. Your "it's just like being a masseuse" narrative and "if they were more careful they would be safe" victim blaming just didn't go down well on a thread which is highlighting problems with the sex industry as it now is. Including (shocking, I know) people taking issue with men colluding to commit acts of sexual violence against sex workers.

Sandra1984 · 26/09/2022 11:46

Gotmynewshoes · 26/09/2022 11:10

It's a critique of a forum that shares tips on how to enact actual bodily harm and how to get away with it. No one here is doing that. Saying that they don’t like sex work is not colluding to commit physical violence upon another human being. Saying that it is is to diminish and minimise what these disgusting men do.

The principle is very similar: a negative view of sex workers, a refusal to listen to them a devaluation (unless their views align with your own narrative) and a “I know what is best for you” attitude, which is something the heteropatriarchy has been doing for ages, dictating what women would and should not do with their vaginas. Now that these folk are very slowly vanishing and women get to do what we want here come a "certain" group of feminists dictating me what and whatnot I should be doing with my private parts. It’s a no win situation. My vagina is mine and who I give access to it and why is my decision as a grown up adult woman. I wish people could just back off and stop treating our vaginas as political instruments tu suit their agendas. It’s exhausting.

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamond · 26/09/2022 12:00

Sandra1984 · 26/09/2022 11:46

The principle is very similar: a negative view of sex workers, a refusal to listen to them a devaluation (unless their views align with your own narrative) and a “I know what is best for you” attitude, which is something the heteropatriarchy has been doing for ages, dictating what women would and should not do with their vaginas. Now that these folk are very slowly vanishing and women get to do what we want here come a "certain" group of feminists dictating me what and whatnot I should be doing with my private parts. It’s a no win situation. My vagina is mine and who I give access to it and why is my decision as a grown up adult woman. I wish people could just back off and stop treating our vaginas as political instruments tu suit their agendas. It’s exhausting.

Very few people on here (and those who did were reprimanded for it) have expressed a negative attitude towards sex workers.
It is perfectly possible to have a negative attitude towards sex work and (the main point of this thread) the men who use sex workers badly and then brag about it to their mates while not having negative attitudes to sex workers themselves.

I am not in favour of encouraging women to go into or to continue with sex work, because as has been said already, men are statistically more likely to be violent.
When men are violent towards women, there is often a sexual component. Men who pay for sex are more likely to be sexually violent (per articles linked up thread). Therefore your odds of being a sex worker and never having to deal with a nasty bastard who you then have to have sex with are slim.

This isn't "telling you what's best for you".
It's an opinion based on pretty basic logic.
If you know these things (as I'm sure you do) and are still happy to do sex work, then nobody here is trying to stop you.

However, despite you saying that you want sex workers to be listened to, you really want to shut down the negative experiences sex workers have talked about on here by first saying that the reason they've had those experiences are really their own fault as they aren't careful enough. You have then accused anyone supporting the op (a sex worker) of being the same as sexually violent men who target sex workers. Sorry if you feel attacked, but tbh, you have been doing a fair bit of attacking yourself.

CousinKrispy · 26/09/2022 12:39

Ah, yes, because prestigious academic institutions and funding bodies never make mistakes in their enthusiasm to pursue particular social science notions. Like eugenics.

Just because it's got a stamp of approval from a top-ranked uni doesn't mean we might not look back at it in 50 years (or less) and feel totally appalled.

Snowdust · 26/09/2022 12:47

Sandra i wanted to point out to you that i screen my clients as careful as i can with the tools given to us with safety apps and being a member of NUM to regularly check dangerous men that are calling or emailing me. If i did not use these tools i would encounter more bad clients. Nobody apart from taking outcall bookings are getting the clients name and addresses and making sure proof is sent to back they are who they are and where they are.

When we take incall appointments to apartments and hotels there is no amount of screening that protects us as the men phone we take there first name and there mobile number. No identity is taken for incalls i do not know any women that do this or if they do it will be possibly 1%. Incall clients would not send proof of who they are this is most likely the reason they play up as they can walk way as Mr anonymous. If they had to provide there details for incall bookings i think there would be less bad misogynist behaviour.

Let's not pretend that some prostitutes are special and phycic and can always avoid a bad experience.

OP posts:
AdamRyan · 26/09/2022 13:03

Sex workers experience violence from different groups, men with extreme misogynistic views and women who disagree with our chosen job. Both groups seem to know “what is better for us”.
Disagreement is not violence.
Punter raping, beating and otherwise abusing is.

I couldn't give one tiny shiny shit what you choose to do with your life. If you think prostitution is best for you, go for it.

I very strongly disagree that society should be condoning men buying consent. Misogyny is a huge problem, as is misunderstanding what consent means. I don't think we have a hope of getting men-as-a-class to treat women with the respect that men get, if we decriminalised or legalise mens ability to buy consent.

My opinion actually fuck all to do with the choices individual women make.

Sandra1984 · 26/09/2022 13:08

@Snowdust Let's not pretend that some prostitutes are special and phycic and can always avoid a bad experience.

Yes, bad experiences happen. I've had 2 or 3 in 20 years in the business, mostly when I was young and starting. In any case OP I don't know your personal circumstances but I strongly believe you shouldn't be in this line of work if it makes you feel like this. You shouldn't put up with something that makes you feel awful, call it a job, a man or a meal.It's bad for your MH. This line of work is not for you and you need to find other ways of making money. I wish the best for your future and that you find happiness in other lines of work. If you already have I'm happy for you.

Snowdust · 26/09/2022 13:36

Sandra thank you for your opinion. Let me make this clear for you. You are right you do not know my situation. I have made it clear not every client i see i dislike them some i have no problem with.

My post was not about help me get out of prostitution as i am a victim!!! I am making my plans to leave and am already half way through paying off debt and saving so i will be out as soon as i can.

My post was not for you Sandra as you obviously enjoy selling your body for 20 years and if you like it that is fine and i wish you all the best for another 10 years.

Please
read my original post carefully Sandra it's to help any vulnerable women thinking of doing this thinking they will meet all nice men and earn good money and all things will go great.

For the women that love sex with strangers and love the job, being self employed and all the other amazing benefits the post is not really meant for you or to change your mind to stop doing it. If you like it i would never tell you to stop as i believe in free choice with our bodies.

For me as a woman i don't really feel badly damaged as i am a strong woman and am making my plans to leave as it is not for me long term.

As i will repeat again my experiences on my first post is to help other's see what can happen if they have no idea of what paid sex work can be like and they only see the posts you and a few other's have promoted. Women need to see the bad side too to decide if they really will enter this line of work.

I also will point out i knew one woman that came into it as she saw posts saying how good it is and clients are lovely and can earn good money. She came into it got taken advantaged off, abused by reviews online (Ukpunting) she was a weak young woman of 22 years of age with a small child, had trouble saying no and ended up leaving with mental health issues and could not look at men the same.

Please look at my post for what it is to help the women that need the full accurate picture. My experience is not unusual at all.

OP posts:
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