Relationship ended for no reason

[ChasingRainbows123]

Met a guy on OLD, dating for 8 months & everything going well.
We both suspended our profiles.
Messaged most days & saw each other most weekends.
He lives 40 mins away & he works away Mon - Fri & I have two young kids.
Previous weekend he offered to cook a meal for us at his house.
It was lovely, a great evening.
Messaged the following week as normal.
Didn't see him at the weekend as he had to work on the Saturday & my kids were with me.
Messaging ok & on the Sunday we arranged that he would come up to mine the following weekend. All arranged.
About 3 hours later he sends a message on facebook messenger where we chatted for no reason which said
"I'm done with this. A big part of my life will dissappear. I will survive"
That meant me obviously.
I read it & he had unfriended me & blocked me so I couldnt reply.
I tried to ring him as this was so out of character for him.
Worried that something was wrong I drove to his house.
I knocked on the door & stood on doorstep & asked if he was ok & he said yes he was going to bed as up at 4.30am for work.
I asked him why he blocked & unfriended me & he yelled & shouted at me waving his hands & said no I didn't I have been talking to my sister.
I said again is everything alright are you ok?
He shouted again just go or I'll ring the police & he started to put 9 into his phone so I came away.
I never heard from the police. But you dont block & unfriend someone your dating for no reason. Then threaten to ring police for no reason when someone checks up on you.
Is this narcissist behaviour or mental health issues.
I can't get it out of my head that I did something wrong to cause all of this.

You have definitely dodged a bullet. No child who has had a healthy happy childhood with a loving parent cuts them out of their life (I say this as some NC with my family).

I would guess that the false narrative he had spun was about to unravel and it’s easier to call you crazy, block you and threaten to call the police, than to face the lies he’s told.

Fwiw, I have a family member with a partner who had a similar situation with his ex and dd when she was late teens. It eventually came to light that he’d been convicted of sexually abusing his dd and was banned from contact with her under his release to an community sexual offender rehabilitation programme. Not saying that’s what’s happened here, but sounds like a lucky escape!

Theres was something didnt ring true with me about the daughter having no contact. She was an only child & a only niece & granddaughter on his families side. She even changed her surname from her dads to her mums partners surname. Alarm bells there.
I have dodged a bullet.
Hes a dangerous liar.
I think your right his lies were about to be unravelled.
Don't understand why that woman messaged me out the blue for no reason.
You have all been so helpful on here offering support & advice & making me realise it wasn't me who was the problem

Seems he put her up to it. She must think she's got herself a real catch if she's that happy he was seeing you both at the same time. Shows what low standards she has. The best part is she seems to forget that if they met while he was cheating then he will not hesitate to do the same thing to her when he gets bored.

That's the time I'd be sending her message back to her filled with LOL! emojis. Don't let her get to you. She doesn't sound that emotionally intelligent if she sees being two timed a badge of honour. Women like that tend to live shallow existences because they think being used for sex is the same thing as being loved. Then they wonder why they get treated like dirt and cheated on..

So glad you're feeling better now op. You really haven't lost anything good with him. Even if it take a while to move on you will eventually find someone much better for you. The jerks teach us the red flags to avoid in future.

Merry Christmas to you and I hope the new year is good to you

The only reason she messaged you after all this time is he's been playing the mind fuck games with her and he's right on schedule to cheat and fuck off with someone else. Anyone happy and secure in a relationship would never have sent anything like that.

Hope they are both blocked everywhere and they never darken your door ever again. He is one sick puppy. You're well rid.

So who did you spending Christmas with and what did you eat?
It's summer here and had the traditional Aussie BBQ.

I can do without the mind games from either of them.
He messed with my head doing what he did & made me think I was to blame for all of what he did.
Taken me a long time to move forward from the hurt & its thanks to all the support & advice from people on here
I think he's got a history of moving from one woman to the next & he will continue to do that.
Shes sounds as deranged as he is.

Need a bit of a hand hold on here today.
Been doing brilliant these past few weeks Today I feel like I have taken a few steps backwards. Dont know if its cause I'm on my own as kids at their dads & I saw the guys car when I had dog out last night.
Tears streaming down my face every so often & thinking about what he did to me & the message the woman sent me.

Hugs to you OP

Sending you hugs. It'll get better in time.

Big hugs. It’s one day, just get through today, if that seems like too much - self care for an hour. Get on the phone to a friend etc

Its been tough today.
I was doing so well too moving forward.
I really felt like I was healing from all the hurt & things he did to me.
Not sure if its cause I'm on my own as kids at their dads & when I took dog for a walk last night & his car was parked near his parents in village I live in. He was obviously out for a drink with his mum & staying overnight.
Brought back memories of when he asked me to join them for a drink months ago & then they never told me time or place & went out & left me sitting in house on my own.

Recovery isn't linear, and feeling bad doesn't mean you're not making progress with feeling good. This isn't a setback, it's just a down day on your upward trajectory.

What a difference a few weeks & keeping busy does.
Feeling so much better about things & realising none of this was my fault.
He was the problem.
New Year & new start.
Moving forward.Took the plunge & decided to go back on OLD dating. Haven't been on any dates. But chatted to some.
Who appears back on there day after New Year. That idiot who caused me all this hurt.
Either hes not as loved up as that woman made out who messaged me.
Or hes still with her but on there looking for his next supply so he can do same to her as he did to me

Lucky escape I think had there.
For my sake & my kids sake in the future

Thankyou.
I feel so much better.
Strange how someone can make you feel so bad.
Dangerous man he was

@ChasingRainbows123 You sound in such a better place than you were, what an unpleasant man he is, you're definitely best off out of that relationship!

It's not you, it's him...

Thankyou.
I am in a much better place. I have to try & keep focused & move forward & not go back where I was. Feeling awful about things
That man nearly broke me.
It was the way he ended things that made it difficult.
He made me think & feel like I was the problem. Like I had done something.
Telling me to f off when I went to check he was ok after sending that message & blocking me was very cruel.
His new woman didn't last long unless he's looking for someone else to do the same to her as he did to me.
Something very strange about the man.
You all said that & I see that now

Stay strong OP 💐

Its thanks to all you lovely people on here with support & advice & helping me see that I hadn't done anything to cause this & I wasn't to blame.
Which has helped me come this far.
Hard to believe someone can be like that for no reason.
Theres something not right with the man & you have all helped me see that.

Right,

I had known my ex for 22 years. I went out with him again after I divorced my first husband. I was with him 4 years. One day his front door key to my house was posted through the letterbox, then he blocked me on everything the same moment. I went to his apartment, same as you, worried for his sudden change of heart - he wouldnt answer the door. After 4 years. We never spoke again.

There not mad or dangerous or unhinged and 9 times out of ten its that they simply want to meet somebody else but don't have the balls to say it out loud to your face. You didn't do anything wrong, relationships end.

You've not 'dodged a bullet' and we need to stop demonising people as if they are somehow rejects from society instead of just being a bit shit at ending relationships, because how it ends can really hurt someone.

Your self esteem needs to come from YOU, always. It can't rely on another person because other people don't have your best interests at heart at the point where they have to choose between your mental wellbeing and theirs, usually.

You'll be OK, OP and you'll find better - I did. Just keep your heart and eyes open and don't let this horrible feeling of rejection cling to you. You weren't rejected because of anything you did, he just wanted to move on without having the skills or decency to let you down gently. That's on him and no longer your problem.

As long as you wouldn't handle the same situation in the same way he did, you're morally doing ok and you deserve to find someone better suited to you. Get back on the horse.

Keep moving on and don’t dwell on it. Alot of men who are divorced and in the dating game are absolute fucking arseholes. Sometimes it take a while for this to show but when it does it hits you hard as you are clearly a nice person and he is a Wanker. Don’t think about it any more and be careful with this dating lark. So many dickheads.

Is this narcissist behaviour or mental health issues.

It doesn't matter what it is - it matters that you get away from it & don't go back.
His 18 year old daughter has worked out he's bad news, & no longer sees him.
Take a leaf out of her book.

You have been really 'lucky' to find out what this man is really like after only a few months, so that it's easier to leave him. All you need to know is that he is unreasonable & unstable. Block him on everything, take some time to grieve for the relationship/man you had hoped he was, then thank you lucky stars you are shot of him.

Entirely possible he had another woman in there, hence his strong (batshit) reaction.

Because he is controlling.
He thought his message had put you back in your box so was surprised to see you. he knew he'd behaved unreasonably to you, so DARVO'd you for your 'terrible behaviour' in driving to see if he's ok/sort out WTF was going on with his stupid message.
www.banyantherapy.com/darvo/

It worked for him, didn't it?
You went away, & you are now wondering if it's YOU who was in the wrong. (You're not).

Yes you are right. I did go away & wondered if it was me in the wrong.
Cause of the way he did things that day.
Strange behaviour.
It took people on here with their different opinions & looking in on the situation to help me realise it wasn't me.
Yes his daughter was 16 when she stopped contact with him.
His only child too.
He said it was for no reason. He rang & texted & send cards & money but no reply.
He blamed the mother but the daughter is old enough to make own decisions.
So what he did to cause that we don't know. Only have his version of things to make him look the victim.
Then he moved 4 hours north away from her.
Look at the lies & the way he went on with me.
A man with issues