Relationship ended for no reason

[ChasingRainbows123]

Met a guy on OLD, dating for 8 months & everything going well.
We both suspended our profiles.
Messaged most days & saw each other most weekends.
He lives 40 mins away & he works away Mon - Fri & I have two young kids.
Previous weekend he offered to cook a meal for us at his house.
It was lovely, a great evening.
Messaged the following week as normal.
Didn't see him at the weekend as he had to work on the Saturday & my kids were with me.
Messaging ok & on the Sunday we arranged that he would come up to mine the following weekend. All arranged.
About 3 hours later he sends a message on facebook messenger where we chatted for no reason which said
"I'm done with this. A big part of my life will dissappear. I will survive"
That meant me obviously.
I read it & he had unfriended me & blocked me so I couldnt reply.
I tried to ring him as this was so out of character for him.
Worried that something was wrong I drove to his house.
I knocked on the door & stood on doorstep & asked if he was ok & he said yes he was going to bed as up at 4.30am for work.
I asked him why he blocked & unfriended me & he yelled & shouted at me waving his hands & said no I didn't I have been talking to my sister.
I said again is everything alright are you ok?
He shouted again just go or I'll ring the police & he started to put 9 into his phone so I came away.
I never heard from the police. But you dont block & unfriend someone your dating for no reason. Then threaten to ring police for no reason when someone checks up on you.
Is this narcissist behaviour or mental health issues.
I can't get it out of my head that I did something wrong to cause all of this.

I think that for some reason he just changed his mind about the relationship with you, and it never occurred to him that you'd go and visit him. He was probably quite shocked. I would suggest you never contact him or respond to any messages in the future. He's a nut job. You've dodged a bullet.

How much power do you think you have, OP? Power to make other people do things?

Responsibility for people's actions lies with them. Responsibility for your actions, and your actions only, lies with you.

Let it go-it's for the best

I wonder if he was drunk? I have seen high functioning alcoholics where it's hard to tell. He wanted to break up via text and thought you would never show up there? His aggressive behavior, no contact wit DD..maybe a possibility. He may not have remembered blocking you earlier..

He said he was very anti-drugs and a waste of money. Many addicts are fully aware it’s a mug’s game.

His DD is no contact for a reason.

There is a very good reason his daughter has no contact with him. Shes an only child too.
There seems to be underlying issues with this guy. He seems unstable with his behaviour.

OP, I would drop even thinking about this guy or trying to figure out what "went wrong" -- he's obviously got MH issues.

Next time someone slams the car door and tells you to F off, get rid!!

Never seen him fly off the handle like that.
Except when we had been out for a drink & I was driving & dropped him off & he had a few drinks.
He asked me to go in for a coffee but I said no I had work in morning & he slammed car door & told me to f..k off.

MH issues is never an excuse for being verbally abusive to a partner. Honestly he sounds like a nasty piece of work. The fact he was straight back on to OLD and hasn’t contacted you since also has nothing to do with MH problems. The reality is, he’s not the person you thought he was which is obviously pretty scary for you. You haven’t done anything wrong.

Jeez he sounds unhinged. If he didn’t want to see you anymore he could have just said that, very immature and I do think there could be mental health issues going on there

Sounds like my sperm donor and he is a narcissist, horrible horrible man. It’s such a shame that these men and women can even have children, so many lives ruined by shot parents. My mams a narcissist too so guess what no hope for me 😆

His daughter wants nowt to do with him because he’s a horrible selfish twat. If I ever met somebody who didn’t have contact with there kids I wouldn’t want to know them.

Funny because the said a perm donors new gf has a son in his late 20’s and he won’t speak to her.

Thankyou. I appreciate all your comments & advice.
It makes me see things from other peoples point of view.
I have had break ups before but not like this.
Theres definately underlying issues with the guy. Drink, drugs, behaviour & anger issue, mental health. Something doesn't sit right with this guy does it ?
Hes not the guy I thought he was. Its like the mask has dropped with him & he has shown his true colours.

Exactly somethings not right I would be inclined to think drugs more than drink.

OP You are not going to get the answers you want here. Let it go.. and breathe..

I never gave the thought of it being drugs with him until someone suggested on here.
Prescription drugs or illegal drugs ?
Something has happened in his background for his daughter to want no contact or for him to of been stopped contact with her for something he has done.
Aggpanthus.
Yes I am breathing. A sigh of relief my kids didn't get involved with him

You really need to block him and stop trying to understand anything more than the fact he is just not that into you… and that you should be grateful because it’s a blessing you’re not dealing with his level of crazy.

If you can’t block him then you likely secretly want him to reach out and that’s super bad my friend… dump him in your own mind and give yourself closure. Clousure is a lie unless it comes from within.

He seems to break up bait a good amount and you didn’t pick up on it. He probably likes to make others feel confused and frantic. Even if he doesn’t, he seems like he has ZERO problems making YOU feel that way.

Reasons don’t matter, block him and keep moving. He gave you all the closure a sane person needs when he threatened to call the police on you. My god! Take your power back and understand that people do weird stuff, and that the minute they go to this level of disrespect it’s up to you to cut them off savagely. If you can’t do that then I suggest you talk with a professional and work on your self worth.

He. Threatened. To. Call.The. Police. On. You.

let that sink in, and block his dusty ass.

@JustKittenAround Take your power back and understand that people do weird stuff, and that the minute they go to this level of disrespect it’s up to you to cut them off savagely.

This ^^

Hes a very mixed up man with issues of some sort. Looks like he was devaluing me for a while before he sent that message & blocked me. Thats why he feels nothing. No hurt or any conscious for his nasty behaviour. He has probably got a history of doing this to people over the years. Theres got to be a good reason his daughter has no contact with him.
Hes a crazy unhinged man who gets in your head & messes with it & makes you feel you are the one at fault.
When really its him

No one will ever understand the man's strange behaviour except. Hes a nasty unhinged nut job who will continue treating people like that & making them think they are the one at fault

It's good in a way that he did that.
He clearly has some issues that you'll never truly know.
Abusive weirdos manage to keep things hidden well when dating so they can trap their next victim.

His adults kids wanting nothing to do with him is telling. He's either an abuser, whackadoodle, or garden variety arse.

So no, you didn't do anything at all wrong. Some of these guys give off red flags but nobody has a crystal ball to know how someone truly is. Sometimes it shows up after moving in. Sometimes after having a baby with them.

Hes not wired up right.
Hes an abusive weirdo alright.
Who leaves a trail of destruction behind him treating people the way he does.
He managed to keep things hidden well. It was like he let his mask down that day.
Yes theres something definitely not right his adult daughter has nothing to do with him. We don't have her side of things.

Thankyou all for your advice.
Was doing really good. Self care, focusing on my kids & having days out & doing family stuff & my work. Decorating & sorting my house out & gardening.
Was doing good & keeping busy & moving forward from him & his behaviour towards me. Taking one day at a time & getting stronger.
Its been 11 weeks since it happened & no contact.
Today I feel like crap. Thinking I was to blame for all of this & I should of walked away a long time ago from him.
Why am I feeling like this after doing so well?

Maybe because you haven't been in this situation before or met anybody with similar issues and are still struggling to understand it.
He sounds deranged.
Listen to the advice you would give to a close friend/sister/daughter and follow it.

If you can find a therapist. You don't deserve any of these feelings

I'm beginning to think I'm deranged & have issues not him.
To feel like this after all this time.
When I didn't do anything to cause any of his behaviour.
I was doing so well too.
Its like his narcissist traits have cut deep

Eugh, he sounds horrible. Be kind to yourself. People misrepresent themselves online all the time. It's him, not you.
If you did anything wrong it was perhaps that you didn't get turned off when he told you to fuck off.
Xx