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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I was introduced to the wife today

165 replies

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 21:46

Hi all,
I have done something wrong and I need advice.
Unfortunately I cheated on my partner. It was not an affair, just a one night stand with one customer from my work place. The sex was dead, there was no foreplay, no chemistry and frankly I felt more like a porn star than a person.
We didn't even kiss, just fucked.
Since then, I have deleted his number and we have not communicated in any shape or form.
Today he comes into the store with his wife and introduces me to her!
I was so stunned I was actually shaking but he seemed so calm about it.
AIBU to think this is fucked up of him to do?

OP posts:
Motorbike311 · 21/09/2022 16:11

This can't be real, nobody's this stupid

Hearthnhome · 21/09/2022 16:27

Sonygirl23 · 21/09/2022 16:05

So what are you all saying? That is was an affair? Despite the fact that there wasnt anything romantic/weren't even emotionally close and there is no chemistry at all and the deed just happened the one time?

Of course it was an affair. Just once or not.

You didn’t just text ‘hi’ and ‘how are you’. For some reason you swapped numbers. You were told when you could and could not text. You discussed enough to meet up with the sole intention of shagging.

But then claim no chemistry? Who arranges to meet up with someone to have sex when they have only said Hi, how are you and there’s no chemistry and you are cheating.

Lie, to us. It’s not an issue. But lying unto yourself and your partner will cause further trouble.

wellhelloitsme · 21/09/2022 16:53

You asked what we're 'all saying' but haven't answered an important question...

How did the one night stand bit come about? Be honest, did you message about it before and plan to meet up? Were you sexting?

Crazykatie · 21/09/2022 16:53

Motorbike311 · 21/09/2022 16:11

This can't be real, nobody's this stupid

OH yes they can most don’t talk about it

Floweryflora · 21/09/2022 17:30

I don’t understand how it happened either. Did you just go into the toilet or something and have sex with him?

Boreded · 21/09/2022 17:47

Sonygirl23 · 21/09/2022 08:04

He could have looked for anyone else for assistance. Why on earth did he choose me out of all people to assist him and his wife?

I actually hope that’s their kink. Open relationship, she likes making the woman feel uncomfortable - actually seems like fun if you were in an open relationship and the OW doesn’t know.

i hope that’s what they’re doing…then you suffer as the only one in a ‘monogamous’ relationship.

don’t tell you husband, that’s unfair on him. Just stop being skanky :)

BadNomad · 21/09/2022 17:50

If the sex had been better, would you have continued to see him?

samyeagar · 21/09/2022 18:08

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:47

I didnt realise he was a community dick until after I slept with him. I acted impulsively and I know I'm getting exactly what I deserve. To feel uncomfortable. To feel ashamed

You knew he was married, and I presume he knew you were married, so how could you not realize that he was almost certainly the community dick?

I suppose one would have to suppress that line of though as a self defense mechanism or else they would have to actually acknowledge who they were choosing to willingly have sex with...

debskip · 21/09/2022 18:12

Why would he introduce a random store girl to his wife?!

PineOrange · 21/09/2022 18:22

Could I ask why you cheated on your partner (are you not married ?)
Had you been neglected or felt unloved?

So you obviously have somewhere where you bump into him, work, pub, social setting and maybe this has built up the flirting and escalation to the one time only shag.

Did you feel pressure by him to give out ? Did he pursue you until you felt uncomfortable to turn him down? His behaviour now with his wife suggests this man is a bit of a confident player and quite predatory., another notch on his bedpost and one up on your husband, that will give him a glow.

I think the parading of his wife was him either trying to make you jealous or his way of intimitdating you into giving out more sex, what do you feel about this ? or are you feeling a buzz out of him still chasing you?

Not pleasant what you've done to your partner, but in many of these tit for tat relationships I've seen it's not just usually one side who is shagging about.

Don't ever give another man power over you.

Slinkyone · 22/09/2022 00:10

Telling your DH relieves the shame and guilt you feel but now he is left with his world as he knew it completely fucked up . Keep it to yourself. There are no accidents or mistakes when you cheat. Ask yourself honestly why you did. Dig deep and fix the problem or leave before you do it again.

Sonygirl23 · 22/09/2022 00:58

Thankyou guys for all your messages.
I will definitely be digging deep to find out what issues I have and how to prevent this from happening again.
I am 100% not jealous of the wife or the cheating husband- I genuinely know my worth and I know I feel awful as I have gone against my own morals. Even though I feel lonely in my current relationship I should not have cheated.
I will do better, I just need a second chance to prove it (and a better job lol)

OP posts:
RichPetunia · 22/09/2022 02:17

Don’t tell your partner unless you want to risk ending the relationship. Your crap shag’s nose is out of joint cause you’ve blocked him and that’s why he’s come back in with his wife.
If he comes in again, deliver good customer service with a look that says you’ve a bad taste in your mouth 😁. Be direct and tell him he was a crap shag and needs to fuck off. Don’t waste any more of your time worrying about him and his juvenile antics.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 22/09/2022 06:43

"Even though I feel lonely in my current relationship"


Even though my DxH cheated on me many years ago, and left me to live with (and subsequently marry) his mistress, I do actually feel sorry for you now @Sonygirl23

Feeling lonely whilst in a long term relationship is a crap feeling - I know because I have spent many, if not most of, my current marriage to my DH, feeling exactly that.

There are many reasons why I feel like this and I don't think that they can all be laid at my DH's feet, or even my DxH's feet for that matter. I did feel loved (maybe even very loved) throughout my childhood, but I have just thought this very instance, that subconsciously I may have thought/do think, that that was because I was their child. You are supposed to automatically love your child, but I now realise that there was nothing personal about my characteristics that they loved me for, or were proud of me for.

Gosh, sorry, I am just having a selfish moment of feeling very sorry for myself, and having tears in my eyes, back to you OP.

I feel that you really need to address the loneliness you feel in your marriage, both singular and couple counselling should be helpful in doing that - if you can access them. If after a lot of deep thought, and hopefully discussions, with your DH, you realise that a lot of your feelings of loneliness are down to the relationship you have with your DH, and if after having talked about this with him, and hopefully counsellors, you realise that nothing will change within this relationship with your DH, then it is probably time to re-evaluate your partnership and to probably break up with him.

I cannot advocate spending the rest of your life with him, I have no choice but to do so in my marriage, and I do still love my DH very much, but I seem to have to "fight" (emotionally, not physically) with my DH every day, just to remind him that I do actually still exist - please don't let happen to you in xx years down the line.

wellhelloitsme · 22/09/2022 07:15

Still no answer to these questions as I think you know it'll then reveal this was a premeditated meet up which contradicts your one night stand claim, am I right?

How did the one night stand bit come about? Be honest, did you message about it before and plan to meet up? Were you sexting?

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