I was introduced to the wife today

[Sonygirl23]

Hi all,
I have done something wrong and I need advice.
Unfortunately I cheated on my partner. It was not an affair, just a one night stand with one customer from my work place. The sex was dead, there was no foreplay, no chemistry and frankly I felt more like a porn star than a person.
We didn't even kiss, just fucked.
Since then, I have deleted his number and we have not communicated in any shape or form.
Today he comes into the store with his wife and introduces me to her!
I was so stunned I was actually shaking but he seemed so calm about it.
AIBU to think this is fucked up of him to do?

@Cheminaufaules 100% spot on.

@Sonygirl23 don’t be surprised if he tries to use this encounter to hoover you back into his NPD world. Testing your boundaries.

Fuck that, I dont want to go anywhere near him.

You might have only had sex once but this certainly doesn't sound like a one night stand.

So what would you call it if its not an ONS?

This.
And, try not to do it again. It's really not worth it as you have discovered.

It’s not a one night stand if you are texting and in communication with him.

A one night stand is sleeping with someone you don’t have another connection with that’s just sex for one night. With no other strings attached.

You were, maybe still are, texting him. You both knew what you were doing. You both chooses to text and flirt leading up to it. The betrayal on an affair is rarely just about the sex. It’s about all the little lies. All energy you expensed on the person and not on your partner.

You didn’t started appreciating your partner after you slept with someone else? That’s not appreciation it’s guilt.

And you aren’t appreciating them while they don’t know. Your partner isn’t aware they are in a relationship with someone who went behind their back and fucked someone else. Not matter how unsatisfactory it was. They deserve to know all the facts and then make the decision to stay or leave. They should be able to make that decision, knowing it all. If you appreciated and respected your partner, then you give them that opportunity.

Maybe this man got a kick out of humiliating his wife. But you already knew he likes to that and that he is a wanker. Because you knew that he was married when you crossed the line.

Just as an aside. A friend of mines husband cheated with a woman he met as she worked at the Mercedes cat dealership. When it all came out, they swiftly got rid of her.

He's just showing you and her the respect he has for you both; none.

Accept this is who you are? Have a word with yourself @JenJones5

OP, nor anyone else, is defined by one act. We all change and develop through life, and we all have at least some agency over how we change.

I can definitely see this now!

When he introduced you to her why didn't you just calmly say to him "oh, I thought you were single, otherwise I'd never have fucked you".

I cannot do that for multiple reasons.

Agree completely with @caracvanning on this point. 'What you are', OP and everyone else on the face of this planet, are human beings who make mistakes.

A one-off act, ill-considered and bitterly regretted almost instantly. Can anyone seriously say they've never done that? Congratulations and give an extra polish to your halo, if so.

If you've texted and discussed his marriage (which is the only way you'd confidently say it isn't open) then this wasn't 'just' a one night stand. The sex might have been a one off but this wasn't a one off encounter. It was the sexual version of an emotional affair.

I think it's important you understand that so that if your partner finds out, you don't minimise it by saying it was a one night stand. That implies shagging someone you don't have contact with before or after.

Hes very strict about sending messages at the right time, deleting all messages before going home etc

How on earth is did you get into regular enough contact and speak enough for you to say the following and not consider it more than a one night stand?!

@Sonygirl23 an emotional affair that escalated into sex

It wasnt even an emotional affair! Just a few hi's and how are you's. I didnt explain to him about my life or past, I didnt open up myself emotionally at all. He barely knows me. In fact he did more talking than me

I genuinely thought an ONS was when you sleep with someone once, regardless of whether you have been texting them or not. My bad

Were you friends before it happened then? How did he have your number if it was just a ons?

Have I missed something 🤣

Maybe he introduced her as his wife so that you were aware and didn't make any reference to the ONS with her there.

So how do you know so much about him?

How do you speak so confidently about his marriage being open or not then?

As I say, if I was your partner and you minimised this as 'a few messages' and a one night stand, I would be even more angry.

How did the one night stand bit come about? Be honest, did you message about it before and plan to meet up? Were you sexting?

The relationship is already broken. He may be under the assumption his partner is trustworthy or has x-y-z values. They may be discussing plans, for the short, medium, and long term.
The op needs to confess, this is who she is, then they can either remain together or part.
Telling the other serves a primary function of being open and honest, he may well react favorably, but he may not. The guilt will not be extinguished by a confession.

He's a customer and you do not know him that well? It would be interesting to the circumstances which led to you doing the deed, OP!

But you knew enough to swop telephone numbers? To know you wanted to shag eachother?

To arrange a time and place to meet for sex?

All out of a few times of Hi and how are you?

So what are you all saying? That is was an affair? Despite the fact that there wasnt anything romantic/weren't even emotionally close and there is no chemistry at all and the deed just happened the one time?