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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I was introduced to the wife today

165 replies

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 21:46

Hi all,
I have done something wrong and I need advice.
Unfortunately I cheated on my partner. It was not an affair, just a one night stand with one customer from my work place. The sex was dead, there was no foreplay, no chemistry and frankly I felt more like a porn star than a person.
We didn't even kiss, just fucked.
Since then, I have deleted his number and we have not communicated in any shape or form.
Today he comes into the store with his wife and introduces me to her!
I was so stunned I was actually shaking but he seemed so calm about it.
AIBU to think this is fucked up of him to do?

OP posts:
AVeryBadPerson · 20/09/2022 22:27

The poor wife, a lifetime of sex with no foreplay with Cheaty McCheatFace.

londonlass71 · 20/09/2022 22:32

Is this a wind up thread. Surely this isn't serious!

WonderingWanda · 20/09/2022 22:36

I can't work out what kind of store you work in where you know your customers well enough to have sex with them?

It isn't wrong that he took his wife to store but it is wrong that you both had sex you behind your respective partner's backs.

Your description of the sex is quite worrying, if it was dead, with no chemistry and you weren't enjoying it why on earth did you carry on? How on earth did you get yourself in this situation?

Are you now worried this man is going to tell your partner? Maybe you should come clean first.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/09/2022 22:36

Yes it’s messed up
he will have got a really nasty thrill from it
and probably treats her like total shit

id be keeping a close eye on that one and be prepared to have a form word if he pops up again

what bought this about ? Why are you cheating and with such horrible men ? What’s going on ?

MyneighbourisTotoro · 20/09/2022 22:39

Your poor partner and his poor wife, what did they do to deserve this?

FlissyPaps · 20/09/2022 22:39

I can imagine this is unsettling for you OP but in reality, there’s nothing you can really do. Unless you own up to your partner and he opens up to his wife and you both admit to what you’ve done so at least you’ll have a “clear” conscience.

BonjourBonheur · 20/09/2022 22:39

badbaduncle · 20/09/2022 21:51

You've massively fucked up. He is fucking with your head letting you know he can ruin your life. I hope for your sake he leaves it here and you can avoid him from now on, but you need to think why you risked your marriage in such a crazy way - no return or reward at all.

Yes, this. I would do all you can to avoid him. I’d even think about moving jobs if he’s someone you see there regularly. Sounds to me as if he’s getting off on the power.

Billi80 · 20/09/2022 22:41

Sounds like he was sizing you up for a threesome ? Or both of you. I’m sorry you got yourself into this. Best to move on, don’t give it any oxygen. As for your DP, I’m in so position to judge as I don’t know the history here. Good luck with moving to a safe and happy space. You can do it

Technophobic · 20/09/2022 22:42

Another troll post.

Unicorn717 · 20/09/2022 22:43

Wow, you're just as twatty as each other.

Gettingbythanks · 20/09/2022 22:45

Yeah, that’s a bit messed up. Like he’s getting off on the fact that he’s ‘had’ you, while she’s oblivious. It’s pretty grubby tbh.

Puppers · 20/09/2022 22:46

accept that this is who you are, and move on

So we're all defined by the worst things we've done? What sanctimonious bullshit.

Yes it's completely fucked up that he pointedly and unnecessarily introduced you to his wife. Whilst that doesn't undo your poor decision making, it does indicate that he's getting some kind of additional kick out of playing games. He's humiliating his wife and making you feel extremely uncomfortable at the same time.

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:47

As humans we make mistakes. I fucked up and learnt how to appreciate my partner. Since I cheated, I have been beating myself up mentally every day.
I'm just wondering why he introduced me to her. What is he getting out of it?
Yes I knew he was married.

OP posts:
Dave20 · 20/09/2022 22:48

badbaduncle · 20/09/2022 21:51

You've massively fucked up. He is fucking with your head letting you know he can ruin your life. I hope for your sake he leaves it here and you can avoid him from now on, but you need to think why you risked your marriage in such a crazy way - no return or reward at all.

The OP said she had a partner- I’m assuming she not married.
What do you mean he can ruin the OPs life?The OP could ruin his life up by telling his wife what happened.
The worse thing the married guy could do to the OP is tell her partner. But he isn’t likely to is he ,because he has more to lose I suspect.

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:49

So he's getting a thrill? From making me uncomfortable to the point I was shaking?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 20/09/2022 22:51

He's getting a kick out if it. Can't be his first rodeo.

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:51

I'm actively jobhunting so that I will never see him again

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 20/09/2022 22:52

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:49

So he's getting a thrill? From making me uncomfortable to the point I was shaking?

Yeah. Men can be absolute c*s

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 20/09/2022 22:53

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:49

So he's getting a thrill? From making me uncomfortable to the point I was shaking?

Newsflash - men who cheat on their wives aren’t particularly nice people.

yogonop · 20/09/2022 22:53

Does your OH know?

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:54

My partner knows something is wrong. I have not said anything yet

OP posts:
yogonop · 20/09/2022 22:56

Please tell him. He deserves to know and it will just eat you up everyday. Even more so now that the other is being a prick

Wife2b · 20/09/2022 22:56

Maybe he’s showing you that he can do better than be with someone who cheats on him? Maybe he didn’t know you would be there and wanted to be the bigger person?

yogonop · 20/09/2022 22:58

Wife2b · 20/09/2022 22:56

Maybe he’s showing you that he can do better than be with someone who cheats on him? Maybe he didn’t know you would be there and wanted to be the bigger person?

Didn't get this

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 20/09/2022 22:59

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 22:47

As humans we make mistakes. I fucked up and learnt how to appreciate my partner. Since I cheated, I have been beating myself up mentally every day.
I'm just wondering why he introduced me to her. What is he getting out of it?
Yes I knew he was married.

@Sonygirl23

Stop beating yourself up. Learn from it. Move on. Appreciate your partner & focus on your life together. Ask yourself why you did it. Address that.

do you work at a suppliers/hospitality??

was there a good reason for her to come to your place of work? Is it somewhere she might come without him? Would you be likely to serve her?

my ex & I had a business together. It was a long time before some suppliers & some customers knew we were a couple. It could have been very awkward if one of us had shagged one of our customers or suppliers & had mentioned it to the other one. Easily done.

however if she'd never come in in her own, then it seems like he's trying to make one of you jealous?!?!