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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I was introduced to the wife today

165 replies

Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 21:46

Hi all,
I have done something wrong and I need advice.
Unfortunately I cheated on my partner. It was not an affair, just a one night stand with one customer from my work place. The sex was dead, there was no foreplay, no chemistry and frankly I felt more like a porn star than a person.
We didn't even kiss, just fucked.
Since then, I have deleted his number and we have not communicated in any shape or form.
Today he comes into the store with his wife and introduces me to her!
I was so stunned I was actually shaking but he seemed so calm about it.
AIBU to think this is fucked up of him to do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:00

Yes I work in hospitality.

OP posts:
Loki64 · 20/09/2022 23:01

You were uncomfortable and shaking because YOU slept with her husband and cheated on ur partner in the process, and hold yourself so accountable that ur still lying to him about it.

Eddieisadick · 20/09/2022 23:02

Forget about it. He can’t fuck anything up for you. Who cares what he gets off on. You made a mistake it’s in the past

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:03

I know. If he ever contacts me again, I will tell him to leave me alone. I have a terrible taste in men and he just proved it

OP posts:
Unicorn717 · 20/09/2022 23:04

Tell your partner it's the least he deserves. At least that way he can decide if he wants to stay with a cheat. It's not fair on him or the wife to not know anything.

Banana2079 · 20/09/2022 23:04

Sounds like your relationship with your own partner is not 100%- I wouldn’t tell your partner at this stage , you need to look as to why you behaved this way and get some counselling.
maybe you have some deeper issues with yourself your self-esteem or with your partner. Telling your partner isn’t gonna make you feel any better in fact it’s just gonna make your life so much worse. Yes your partner does deserve to know what you’ve done but in reality what is it going to solve seeing as you know you made a mistake. It seems to me that you were more concerned that this person brought the wife in to meet you Rather than the fact that you cheated on your partner

.it might be some kind of kick that he has done that …he probably sees other women behind her back too Not just you. Oh maybe they’re both into something weird who knows.

I would pull him to one side if he comes back in again and let him know that he is no longer able to Approach you. Tell your manager that you know him in some kind of personal capacity and that you Serving him is not appropriate- don’t get into reasons why It could affect your employment.
Your job has some kind of workplace counselling in which most companies do then take that up.
The language in which you speak also sounds quite immature maybe you’re not ready for a relationship right now you need to do some thinking

Dannifaye · 20/09/2022 23:05

People make mistakes. Don’t let it ruin your life.
Forget this man and either carry on with your partner or split.
Was it a moment of madness or are you bored of your partner?

Banana2079 · 20/09/2022 23:08

Also please go and get A a sexual health test. My partner cheated on me and 12 months later I found out I had chlamydia it was the worst experience of my life -and extremely embarrassing because it was discovered whilst I was in hospital For a routine operation

Eddieisadick · 20/09/2022 23:09

Yeah, don’t tell your partner. Clearing your conscience to ruin a marriage really isn’t worth it

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:09

He has seen plenty of women behind her back.

OP posts:
Changemaname1 · 20/09/2022 23:09

god I’m glad I’m single when I read stuff like this , people really are awful sometimes , everything about this sounds horrendous 🤮

yogonop · 20/09/2022 23:19

Changemaname1 · 20/09/2022 23:09

god I’m glad I’m single when I read stuff like this , people really are awful sometimes , everything about this sounds horrendous 🤮

and the people encouraging OP to stay silent ...

DevaleraSpawnOfSatan · 20/09/2022 23:22

And as you sow, so shall you reap.

kittensinthekitchen · 20/09/2022 23:25

"AIBU to be pissed off the guy I cheated on my partner introduced me to his wife?"

Yes.

katepilar · 20/09/2022 23:26

Would you normally be introduced in situations like this? Or do you think its something he did because you have had the sex?

IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble · 20/09/2022 23:31

How did the wife act towards you? Did she give any indication that she knew/suspected the history? Are you concerned that she might come in another time without him, in order to speak to you?

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:35

IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble · 20/09/2022 23:31

How did the wife act towards you? Did she give any indication that she knew/suspected the history? Are you concerned that she might come in another time without him, in order to speak to you?

She was fine, all normal and even smiling at me in a friendly way! I couldn't shake her hand though,was sweating too much

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/09/2022 23:36

Rhubarb

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:39

AnyFucker · 20/09/2022 23:36

Rhubarb

What does this mean?

OP posts:
Banana2079 · 20/09/2022 23:42

if he has seen plenty girls behind her back then why did u sleep with him
sorry you sound loose af .. yuk u did that knowing he is community dick.. and to think I felt sorry for you

Boreded · 20/09/2022 23:43

He is an arse, and you are just as bad. You’ve made your bed, lie in it

Original poster
Sonygirl23 · 20/09/2022 23:47

I didnt realise he was a community dick until after I slept with him. I acted impulsively and I know I'm getting exactly what I deserve. To feel uncomfortable. To feel ashamed

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 20/09/2022 23:48

He’s getting a kick out of introducing the two of you. Like you said, his wife smiled at you, so he would have loved the fact he was getting one over on her. And he would have been getting a sick satisfaction from you being so awkward. Personally I think you would be bonkers to tell your DH. It may potentially mess up your entire life. Keep quiet, learn from your mistakes and try and get another job.

yogonop · 20/09/2022 23:49

why would it mess up her entire life

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 20/09/2022 23:53

Don't beat yourself up @Sonygirl23. There are a lot of people on this thread who are kicking you when you are quite obviously already down, which is always uncomfortable to read. He isn't worth the panic he probably deliberately put you through. Make sure you are safe and be prepared to confide in someone if he starts to make you feel unsafe. He doesn't have the right to bother you at work. Yes you've crapped on your own door step, but who hasn't made mistakes. The trick is to learn from them. Work out why this happened and try to learn from it. Perhaps take some time out to get your head straight and work out where you are in your relationship.