Of course the Op is desperate @BobDear , she’s still in a state of shock. It’s only two weeks since she found out and only one week since her husband suppOsedly ended it with his affair partner. Her whole world has been turned upside down.
Of course she is desperately clinging on to any small shred of hope that her marriage can be salvaged. She’s had three weeks of her husbands lies and deceptions and pleadings. Three weeks of him constantly telling her that her gut feeling , common sense and hard evidence is wrong and his interpretation of the facts is correct.
“ Argument weak here, shout [cry , plead, threaten ] louder “.
Even if she has confided in friends or family, they will of course know her husband and be as shocked as is. No one wants to tell her the hard truth , right to her face. Would you if it was your sister / daughter / best friend ? Would you destroy her last hope?
The op needs understanding and compassion here. She’s not a stupid woman she understands what evidence is and the standard of proof required for her to act.
Please remember @Pippa49 that your marriage is neither a criminal nor a civil court. You don’t even require “ on the balance of probabilities “.
You know, deep down, that this isn’t about whether PIV sex took place. Nor is is about that £1,000. Its about his lifestyle of lies and betrayal. It’s about what he did to his own daughter.
It’s about how when you were alone, dealing with tough family issues, he was odd wining and dining his mistress.
And that you will never ever, as long as he lives, be able to trust him again.
I understand how much you want to believe him, despite all the evidence. Your head is spinning because you are trying so hard to reconcile his words with his actions. But you know you can’t. Something fundamental has been destroyed and it can never be rebuilt.
Many women in your situation try really hard to make a whole new marriage with a new basis. Only you know if this is something you want. Sadly it doesn’t work for most. And of course, most men go on to cheat again, for the same reason they did the first, second and third time - their sense of entitlement.
I know you are in no position to make major decisions right now so I suggest that you buy yourself some time first.
Ask your husband to move out for a month or so, to let you think. It’s important that you are able to think without his voice in your head, so no phone calls or texts . He can send emails about any urgent issues.
Your kids are old enough to decide if they want to see him.
Use that time to collect the relevant documents.
Speak to a colleague with family law experience ( I assume you are in employment) and get recommendation . Perhaps instruct someone so you know where you stand.
Get some counselling for your DD.
Get some counselling for yourself.
Read the chump lady website. You will laugh and cry.
Confide in your friends, if you have not yet done so. Don’t lie to then, if there’s any shame here it’s not yours.