Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To think all men are bas**rds...??

139 replies

Louloudaisy2020 · 15/09/2022 07:33

Pretty much this really!

While I love women (and men) seeking advice and the support they get on here from the breakdown of marriages/relarionships/cheating etc. I can't help but feel it's a majority of the population and it's getting me down...

All I hear are stories of poor relationships, men with OW, doesn't help around the house, has no respect, doesn't help with the kids etc etc. Most of my friends are also I totally unequal relationships where their partner does 0 in all respects. I too have been there in the past.

Is this what we are all destined for in this generation??

Feed me some good stories and let's put some positivity out there in what seems like a world of negativity (whilst all still relevant and real) at the moment 🥰

OP posts:
Notateacheranymore · 15/09/2022 07:38

We don’t have children. That was a choice we made before we got married. Last month we marked the 24th anniversary of that event, with absolute joy.

At home, he does all the kitchen stuff - cooks, loads dishwasher, goes to the supermarket.

I am in charge of laundry, sorting, loading machine, putting on the maiden, chucking on the bed when dry.

Everything else, we share.

Jellybeanfeels · 15/09/2022 07:40

I would have agreed with you this time last year, but I've since met what seems to be so far a decent and respectful guy who treats me as an equal and doesn't seem to have a porn or substance addiction (my exes!!) so here's hoping!!
My dad does ok too, he has his faults but he's never once spoken to my mum in a way that is disrespectful and she even agreed with this when they have disagreed in private too.
They are out there, op, I don't think reading on here helps matters either!

godmum56 · 15/09/2022 07:42

its the same as any other kind of feedback. people who are happy in their relationships don't come and post for advice.

NewMeforthemillionthtime · 15/09/2022 07:52

Met my DP when my dc were were in reception and nursery. They are now in secondary school. My DP and I moved in together 4 years ago. He does most of the cooking. Cleaning is 50/50. We discuss all the house admin that needs to be done and then he organises the majority of it. He does ALL the admin for his family ie buying gifts, wrapping, sending cards out to his parents, aunts ,uncles nieces etc. When we are running low on something he just buys the replacement without any fuss.

I took over laundry duties entirely when I moved in but he said I didn't need to iron his work shirts because they are a pain to do and he is perfectly capable.

Plus he treats my DC like they are his and they absolutely adore him. Everyone always tells me how lucky I am. Everyone except DP. He just tells me how much he loves me.

Tntw · 15/09/2022 08:00

You ask for good stories but what if the reality for many of us is that many or most men we know are cheaters , have porn addictions , are violent or some other horrible things …. Should we pretend good men are the majority of this is not what we honestly believe

I won’t say all men are bad but I certainly will say that imo a very very large number of them are entitled , sexual creeps and or worse .

Sorry there are those people who will tell women with these experiences that they are the problem and must be associating with the wrong men .
obviously these people are not reading the newspapers on women being raped and killed by men daily or looking at the sexual harassment and assault of women and girls

There are some good men but imho they are in a the minority

Talon01 · 15/09/2022 08:05

Men act badly and so do women. The difference on this forum seems to be in a man's case he's terrible if it's a woman then there's a reason so she isn't accountable. You can apply that to most modern relationships if you take out the genuinely nasty abusers.

Talon01 · 15/09/2022 08:05

Men act badly and so do women. The difference on this forum seems to be in a man's case he's terrible if it's a woman then there's a reason so she isn't accountable. You can apply that to most modern relationships if you take out the genuinely nasty abusers.

layladomino · 15/09/2022 08:06

I have to remind myself when I'm on mn that this isn't representative of reality, by which I mean that the people who are happily married to ordinary, decent people, don't post about it on mn. It's like spending all morning in a doctor's waiting room then assuming that everyone in the world is ill.

I am in a good, healthy relationship of equals where there is mutual respect, a lot of laughs, support and love. We share the workload equally. When I think of the handful of marriages and LTR around me that I know well - they are all similar as far as I can see.

There are some real bastards out there. Some lazy, entitled people. But they are the minority IMO.

LuckyLil · 15/09/2022 08:18

I'm trying to think how a thread called all women are bitches with comments like not allow women but the majority are would go down...

Tntw · 15/09/2022 08:22

Talon01 · 15/09/2022 08:05

Men act badly and so do women. The difference on this forum seems to be in a man's case he's terrible if it's a woman then there's a reason so she isn't accountable. You can apply that to most modern relationships if you take out the genuinely nasty abusers.

No Talon that’s where you have it wrong … when men act badly it often results in women with , raped , revenge porn , broken bones or dead

it’s staggering how little self awareness men have that they actually think their complaints that women don’t act the way they would like , are crappy dates , flaky or cheat are even close to what women have to deal with

KangarooKenny · 15/09/2022 08:22

My DH does stuff round the house, not 50%, but more than what a lot of people on here say. I certainly don’t think it of all men, it’s a very sweeping statement !

Tntw · 15/09/2022 08:24

LuckyLil · 15/09/2022 08:18

I'm trying to think how a thread called all women are bitches with comments like not allow women but the majority are would go down...

Those threads are not necessary because the internet is literally FILLED with women hating , women being abused , violent porn and incels

PeloFondo · 15/09/2022 08:25

I've given up. Met a lovely guy, seemed really genuine, spent 10 months with him
This month I find out it had totally slipped his memory that he was engaged... Angry

sumosaussage · 15/09/2022 08:25

Those with great relationships don't tend to post on this board

Why would you think it's a majority of men?

How weird

Pengwinn · 15/09/2022 08:26

People are less likely to post about how wonderful and supportive their partners are, either as a new thread for the sake of it or commenting when someone else is struggling. People tend to post when they need advice or support so invariably you see many more negative posts. Some men are bustards yes, just like some women are horrible and nasty- but by no means all.

Doingprettywellthanks · 15/09/2022 08:26

My father wasn’t. A wonderful honest genuine true fantastic man.

My brother isn’t. As above.

my ex husband isn’t. A generous, solid, trustworthy man (just impossible to live with!)

Doingprettywellthanks · 15/09/2022 08:26

I hope you don’t feed this kind of nonsense to your children op if you have any

Doingprettywellthanks · 15/09/2022 08:27

Do you have no male presence in your life whatsoever that doesn’t buck your ridiculous view of men?

Beamur · 15/09/2022 08:29

People don't post to say their relationship is great as a rule...
Most of the couples I know seem to be in fairly happy, reasonably well matched relationships. A few have hit the sweet spot and are very happy, a few are a bit disgruntled. I genuinely only know a handful of couples where the husband has been a truly awful person. Everyone has their flaws. I can think of one really vile wife too! (Now ex wife, one of DH's male friends who was married to a very difficult woman)

bloodywhitecat · 15/09/2022 08:32

I met and married DH later in life. We met on Tinder, got on like a house on fire, moved in together fairly quickly. We decided to foster and he was an equal partner throughout even through his cancer diagnosis and treatment he put his all into life and relationships. When he died in February his tribute from one of our adopters was "I want to thank *** for being the person that gave (child's name) the ability to learn to trust men again".

He was no bad man.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 15/09/2022 08:33

People don't tend to post on here and say my DH is amazing etc. I could post one day about my DH being a knob but I wouldn't post all the lovely things he does. Fwiw he is a lovely husband and a brilliant father. He was brought up in a family with lots of women and both him and his brothers are very thoughtful towards women.

TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit · 15/09/2022 08:39

My DH is great... BUT... he wasn't always. We went through a few tough years where he was pretty selfish and I don't know why I stayed with him, tbh. It's really still a mystery to me. He wasn't abusive, just very selfish.

And then... he sort of slowly changed into the man I thought he could be. Let me be clear.. I DIDN'T CHANGE HIM. That is not possible.

But he's evolved (for lack of a better word). He now does most things in the house. He's respectful. He adores me and the children. I can't tell you how it happened, but he is amazing. I love him very much and am very grateful that I didn't leave him in our younger years. I am happy to grow old with him.

However, I wouldn't wish what we went through on anyone and would still advise them to leave if they are not happy.

BigFatLiar · 15/09/2022 08:40

Mumsnet is not nomally the place to go to find tales of good relationships.

OH can be an annoying sod at times but then again so can I no doubt. Mostly we get on fine and treat each other with love and respect. I must hold up my hand and admit that its usually me that is the pain he tends to go with the flow, which can be annoying, and rarely seems to get angry or annoyed. Even the girls when they were little and playing up just made him laugh.

warofthemonstertrucks · 15/09/2022 08:41

It's a blanket Statement and of course can't be applied to all. But I tend to think men have more of a preponderance to 'bad' behaviour-be that genetic or just how society has traditionally enabled it.

Just my experience really. I love DP and I'm generally lucky but I don't doubt he behaves quite differently when he is not with me at times-and probably in ways I wouldn't love sometimes-and I think that's true of most men and some women. I get that that doesn't seem fair but life has made me cynical I suppose

Weefreetiffany · 15/09/2022 08:43

Rubbish. This is an advice forum where people ask if they’re being unreasonable etc. you will hear more bad stories than good because the good ones don’t have anything to complain about. There are lots of good men about