To think all men are bas**rds...??

[Louloudaisy2020]

Pretty much this really!

While I love women (and men) seeking advice and the support they get on here from the breakdown of marriages/relarionships/cheating etc. I can't help but feel it's a majority of the population and it's getting me down...

All I hear are stories of poor relationships, men with OW, doesn't help around the house, has no respect, doesn't help with the kids etc etc. Most of my friends are also I totally unequal relationships where their partner does 0 in all respects. I too have been there in the past.

Is this what we are all destined for in this generation??

Feed me some good stories and let's put some positivity out there in what seems like a world of negativity (whilst all still relevant and real) at the moment 🥰

This and what @Toob
Yes examples would be great …

how about the supposedly decent men who to their wives and children are living but sneak off to use sex workers or hook up sites

hat about the decent men who are kind to their families leer at it make comments to teenage girls who may or may not be underage

girls hat about the decent men who wt work go above qbd beyond but at home like to watch violent porn where women are beaten abused and degraded

all these men may be called great men by the women they are kind too ( often the ones the paint ad the Madonna dub their Madonna : who’re complex ) but lead secret lives

the sex industry had a HUGE client base of married men who’s wives, families and colleagues have zero idea how they truly see women and treat other women

…wrote* *are really good and important things.
And I think it soeaks volumes that they got ignored.

For one we should be honest and say that many women have really liw bars as to what a decent man is.
MN is filled with women who think porn is totally cool and fun.
So their standards are low to begin with.

And two, it’s alao clearly about ego.
The whole ”I picked a good man”, many don’t want to see who they really are sharing a life with.

This and what @Toob
Yes examples would be great …

how about the supposedly decent men who to their wives and children are living but sneak off to use sex workers or hook up sites

hat about the decent men who are kind to their families leer at it make comments to teenage girls who may or may not be underage

girls hat about the decent men who wt work go above qbd beyond but at home like to watch violent porn where women are beaten abused and degraded

all these men may be called great men by the women they are kind too ( often the ones the paint ad the Madonna dub their Madonna : who’re complex ) but lead secret lives

the sex industry had a HUGE client base of married men who’s wives, families and colleagues have zero idea how they truly see women and treat other women

…wrote* *are really good and important things.
And I think it soeaks volumes that they got ignored.

For one we should be honest and say that many women have really liw bars as to what a decent man is.
MN is filled with women who think porn is totally cool and fun.
So their standards are low to begin with.

And two, it’s alao clearly about ego.
The whole ”I picked a good man”, many don’t want to see who they really are sharing a life with.

I don’t judge women who think all or most men are bastards, they’re entitled to that opinion if that’s their experience. It just doesn’t represent my experience, so I can’t make myself believe that most men are bastards any more than I can make myself believe that god exists.

Perhaps being candid is easier: as long as the men in my life are nice and respectful to me and those close to me, I’m not particularly bothered to angst over whether they’re nice and respectful to everyone else when I’m not around, quite frankly. That’s between them and whoever they’re not being nice to. As far as I know, all the men in my life are decent by that definition and I don’t see the point in speculating on the unknowable.

There are great guys out there just like there are amazing women out there. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen for you to meet one of the good ones.

It’s very hard to meet a great guy if your not in a good place. My childhood was in a abusive home with an alcoholic. Fast forward to when I was a young adult and I met a guy who wasn’t a big drinker. Literally the only bar I set for myself was don’t end up with a drunk. However, I was naive and had mistakenly believed that I could avoid an abusive relationship this way. I had DS with my ex and ended up in a situation whereby I was in survival mode. Afraid to be myself, no self worth, financial strain because when DS needed something I had to be one to get it even though I was the lower earner, everything was my fault, constant criticism, past constantly brought up and used against me, always on eggshells in case I said wrong thing. Honestly, I was a woman with weight of world on my shoulders and although I did my best to appear happy for DS it was draining.

When it was over I was relieved and felt so much lighter. For a few years I had zero intentions of having another relationship ever. DS was happy and over time I realised I was too. Everyone that knew me noticed how much I changed and seemed to happy. I made the connection between how I ended up with Ex and my childhood. I acknowledged to myself that I had ignored my gut instinct about him. I remembered the red flags I brushed off. I did things for myself because I enjoyed them. I was finally free to be myself. I was comfortable with knowledge that it’s better to be alone then with the wrong person and was content with only having one DC.

With DH it was different because I am different. I am just myself and he loves me for who I am. I can articulate my needs and feel heard. When we disagree we have never resorted to hurting each other. There are times one of us is unreasonable but an apology is issued and that’s it. No drama and that’s the way I like it. When I say he is a great dad I mean he is an actual parent (parents as well as fun) who doesn’t need me to micromanage everything for him.

Broken people can easily end up with broken or abusive partners. If you recognise yourself to have trauma or abuse in your childhood take the time to discover who you are and to find your worth. Bring this with you when dating and you will be confident enough to pass on those red flags.

I don’t have regrets it was a journey to where I am now plus I have my eldest DS who I wouldn’t change for al the world. I do however still have to deal with his dad it’s quite tiresome hearing about how terrible I am but it doesn’t weigh me down anymore. His shitty parenting pisses me off alright because DS deserves better but that is not in my control.

Maybe those women who have great husbands could tell what that means (to them), it doesn’t really mean much on it’s own.

Do they watch porn / use(d) sex workers - including strippers, do they call out other men in their lives when they make sexust/ creepy comments, do they noticed sexist non-sense on tv, how do they view women who don’t fall in line eg. don’t date men, have sex, don’t want marriage or kids?

Doesn't use porn, wouldn't be corralled into a strip club on his stag do, does notice sexism - sometimes before I do, which is no mean feat - doesn't have an opinion on what women do with their lives, does pick up the entire load of the house when required- which is not infrequent given I have a chronic illness that has me on my arse a few times in the year, doesn't take the piss with hobbies, does make family a priority. Doesn't look for a medal for the above.

See, this is great!
This actually gives some hope!
It’s good to know men like this exist.

I definately care if men are abusive mysogynistic , using sex workers or violent to other women …… many times this isn’t known of course and I don’t spend time dwelling on it or in any angst
… but . It’s not just about me .! I actually care about other women and think it’s important to acknowledge that 5 percent of men are not responsible for all the stats
They world is so much bigger than me and my circle and yoh and yours and when women are happy to pretend there’s no issue because they are personally affected they are effectively supporting the crappy behaviours in continuing

I’d consider this a decent man . I somehow don’t think there are many like this though sadly

One trait I notice in ‘decent’ men is personal responsibility, this is severely lacking in men that I would consider not decent.
Honestly any man that blames other people for their own shortcomings or for life not working out the way they hoped is best given a wide berth.
Some men whether they admit it or not hate women. To them women are just one homogeneous group and women such as their mother they have an underlying rage towards.

I think men who hate women as a blanket feeling are quite rare. What I find more common are men who hate or despise some groups of women. Those that don't live up to their expectations, challenge them, threaten them or hurt their egos.
Successful women, outspoken women, unattractive women, beautiful out of reach women, non conformist woman, all are common targets for the worst type of male behaviour. I've seen many a 'decent' man show a very unattractive side when faced with a woman who for whatever reason fails to please.

To think all women are bitches?

This is so insulting to all decent men out there.

My husband, his friends, my male friends, our two sons, their mates, their mate's dad's, all of them bar the odd one or two who get whittled out are decent men. All of them.

Not saying all of them are relationship material for me (and visa versa), but decent, full, gallant, kind, yes very much so.

I commented earlier about my lovely husband, but to answer your questions, he doesn't like porn, prefers a 3D woman, i.e. ME! Has never used a sex worker or been to a strip club. Doesn't have a large group of friends, who all seem quite similar to him, but he wouldn't hesitate to pull one of them up up if they said something inappropriate. He has supported me in everything I have wanted to do and thinks women are perfectly capable of being equal in the workplace and in every other place they want to be. He has always done more than his fair share of child care and house chores. He isn't racist, homophobic or transphobic and thinks it's none of his business how people lead their lives. He is pretty much the most tolerant, kind person I have ever come across.

I grew up with a misogynistic, racist, homophobic father so I learnt quite early on what I would not tolerate in a partner. My husband is 100% the opposite of the role model I grew up with.

I get harassed majorly by men when I'm just walking outside and in the street and on public transport.
It's making me quite bitter and negative about them to be honest.
I'm honestly aghast. Seriously.
I was threatened with rape in broad day light in a non secluded area and so much more. Harassment can happen 3 times per week.
I think the men pray on my vulnerabilities and maybe comes across in any way that I am.... I come from an abusive (sexually as a child by a parent). My family was very misogynistic as a whole also so a bit weak in that area.