Help! MiL driving me crazy over washing things for her.

[KAYMACK]

I need advice! I am not very good around the house and my MiL senses this and loves to gaslight me. She does not have a washing machine and gives me difficult things to wash... but does not tell me how I should wash them, then loves to chastise me for using the wrong cycles, saying something shrunk, the colour faded, I have ruined a favourite garment... She even gave me some things that should only have been dry washed just because she knew I would ruin them and she could have more "ammunition" against me.

Can anyone tell me how I should wash the following, which she has given me? Black woollen gloves (mittens). Cashmere scarves. She also gave me an "ethnic" handkerchief that she brought back from Nepal when visiting some hill tribe, I do not know what to do with this material!

oh for fucks sake

OP, you need to take several steps back and refuse to engage in any more of this. You do not need your husband to agree that MIL is batshit, you simply need to tell him that from now on you are not going to engage AT ALL. No doing the washing a 'last time', no having to 'prove' to your own husband anything at all.

You are allowed to feel the way you feel about MIL and if he doesn't want to back you up then you can also decide for yourself how you will consider your relationship with him.

This is your life. Don't spend it in orbit reflecting her light. If you prefer good quality pure cotton and she cannot tell the difference between that and 50% plastic, then what is right for you is not what is right for her. You are different people. You do not need to explain anything to her or justify your choices.

boil wash everything she gives you - she will soon stop

All the items you mention in your post I would wash by hand so I would return them to her unwashed and just say - oh these are your hand wash items, they would be ruined if machine washed and I don't want that responsibility so its probably best if you do them. Everything else tell her she can fetch everything over on x day and have use of the machine that day to do it herself. Even if she gave you the machine what she is doing is not acceptable behaviour given she is so critical

I would tell her these are too delicate for you to handle, and she should hand wash them herself.

I'd destroy everything she sends on purpose, shrink, stretch, bleach and dye the lot. She will soon get the message.

Bitch needs to hand wash their own cashmere !!

the nasty bint

And yea you need to assert yourself 😊

All of these actually sound more of a handwashing job. It sounds like some weird dynamics is going on in between the two of you.

This. Absolutely this.