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Original poster

Help! MiL driving me crazy over washing things for her.

159 replies

KAYMACK · 13/09/2022 23:50

I need advice! I am not very good around the house and my MiL senses this and loves to gaslight me. She does not have a washing machine and gives me difficult things to wash... but does not tell me how I should wash them, then loves to chastise me for using the wrong cycles, saying something shrunk, the colour faded, I have ruined a favourite garment... She even gave me some things that should only have been dry washed just because she knew I would ruin them and she could have more "ammunition" against me.

Can anyone tell me how I should wash the following, which she has given me? Black woollen gloves (mittens). Cashmere scarves. She also gave me an "ethnic" handkerchief that she brought back from Nepal when visiting some hill tribe, I do not know what to do with this material!

OP posts:
AtomicBlondeRose · 14/09/2022 08:37

I very much doubt they’re actually dirty, so shake them, fold them and give them back and wait for her to tell you they’re ruined…then you’ll know it was basically a trap!

HelloVeritas · 14/09/2022 08:53

I'd put the whole bloody lot in together on a 90 degree wash with a glut of bleach for good measure.

LookItsMeAgain · 14/09/2022 09:29

I love this suggestion by @TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet :
'MIL, I'm not sure why you keep asking me to do your laundry when you are never happy with the way I do it. Feel free to use our washing machine though, so you can wash your things the right way.'

Along with this suggestion by @Superfrog3 :
I would spray them with febreeze and hand them back as if I'd done them

Definitely stop doing her laundry for her. When you see her next and you're DH is there simply say "DH, you need to step up here and do your mother's laundry. I can't seem to do it to her exacting standards so you'll have to start, I won't be doing it any more" and then stop doing it.

DenholmElliot1 · 14/09/2022 09:32

AtomicBlondeRose · 14/09/2022 08:37

I very much doubt they’re actually dirty, so shake them, fold them and give them back and wait for her to tell you they’re ruined…then you’ll know it was basically a trap!

Brilliant idea. Only once you have done this will you know whether she means it or whether its just a trap.

Krank · 14/09/2022 09:34

Spray them with febreeze and give them back. Say you washed them.

Krank · 14/09/2022 09:35

Sorry just seen someone else suggest the same thing!

Cherchezlaspice · 14/09/2022 09:35

KAYMACK · 14/09/2022 08:17

But the thing is I told hubbie I would (1) do this for the last time and if she asked again or complained we would declare "a rest from you for six months" (2) do it right and no mistake this time. So I thought if I got advice from Mumsnet on how to wash three things, she would not be able to challenge it, and he would see what she is like. What I mean is: I am not good at these things. But if someone could tell me EXACTLY HOW to wash the items, that would be the same as a "court of law", if it were. So if MiL complains, I can show hubbie the "decision" of expert mums on HOW these things are washed and, if I follow it, he will back me up in not speaking with her for six months if/when she complains...

So how do you wash them?

This makes no sense whatsoever.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 14/09/2022 09:36

KAYMACK · 14/09/2022 00:00

The awkward thing is that we used her machine when we were just starting out and could not afford one. Now she has downsized and, for some reason, has not bought one. So I feel obliged to do this for her. Please advise me on which cycles I should run these things and the maximum temperatures!!

Hand everything to your DH and tell him that he can deal with it all. His mother, his problem!

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2022 09:37

Don't the items have washing instructions on a label?

Seeline · 14/09/2022 09:44

So do you wash all her undies etc? Or is it just the impossible stuff she gives you?
How does she wash her ordinary clothes?

eurochick · 14/09/2022 09:47

She is setting you up to fail. These things should not be machine washed. They should be hand washed or dry cleaned.

Either hand them back and tell her that or do as suggested above -spray with febreze, fold and give back.

forrestgreen · 14/09/2022 10:02

Just leave them at the bottom of the laundry. Asked. If asked, "I'm waiting for a full load of delicates.."

Or - get your husband to do it!!

Herejustforthisone · 14/09/2022 10:07

KAYMACK · 14/09/2022 08:17

But the thing is I told hubbie I would (1) do this for the last time and if she asked again or complained we would declare "a rest from you for six months" (2) do it right and no mistake this time. So I thought if I got advice from Mumsnet on how to wash three things, she would not be able to challenge it, and he would see what she is like. What I mean is: I am not good at these things. But if someone could tell me EXACTLY HOW to wash the items, that would be the same as a "court of law", if it were. So if MiL complains, I can show hubbie the "decision" of expert mums on HOW these things are washed and, if I follow it, he will back me up in not speaking with her for six months if/when she complains...

So how do you wash them?

Fuck sake. This is ridiculous.

Tell her to wash her own Nepalese mittens or whatever. Or, if she can afford to go meandering and destroying the cultures of remote hill tribes, she can afford a fucking washing machine.

SnoozyLucy7 · 14/09/2022 10:11

KAYMACK · 14/09/2022 08:17

But the thing is I told hubbie I would (1) do this for the last time and if she asked again or complained we would declare "a rest from you for six months" (2) do it right and no mistake this time. So I thought if I got advice from Mumsnet on how to wash three things, she would not be able to challenge it, and he would see what she is like. What I mean is: I am not good at these things. But if someone could tell me EXACTLY HOW to wash the items, that would be the same as a "court of law", if it were. So if MiL complains, I can show hubbie the "decision" of expert mums on HOW these things are washed and, if I follow it, he will back me up in not speaking with her for six months if/when she complains...

So how do you wash them?

Good grief! Why are you being her skivvy? You are a grown woman for goodness sake. She’s treating you like shit and clearly having a laugh about it.

sintrawest · 14/09/2022 10:14

When you used her washing machine, did you insist you handed your washing over and then she washed it (or did you do it yourself)?

theemmadilemma · 14/09/2022 10:17

KAYMACK · 14/09/2022 08:17

But the thing is I told hubbie I would (1) do this for the last time and if she asked again or complained we would declare "a rest from you for six months" (2) do it right and no mistake this time. So I thought if I got advice from Mumsnet on how to wash three things, she would not be able to challenge it, and he would see what she is like. What I mean is: I am not good at these things. But if someone could tell me EXACTLY HOW to wash the items, that would be the same as a "court of law", if it were. So if MiL complains, I can show hubbie the "decision" of expert mums on HOW these things are washed and, if I follow it, he will back me up in not speaking with her for six months if/when she complains...

So how do you wash them?

You don't. Normal people don't put those things through a washing machine unless they are willing to risk it going wrong.

They take to a cleaners because none of them are particularly suitable for home machine washing all being delicate items.

theemmadilemma · 14/09/2022 10:21

Here, not a washing machine: www.coralacashmere.com/pages/care

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 14/09/2022 10:21

Honestly @KAYMACK, you might as well have Little Wife Martyr stamped across your forehead. Your DH's mother, your DH's problem to solve.
Just give the stuff back to her, tell her its hand wash only, and would she like her son to get a washing machine installed for her, as you won't be doing any more washing. She'll respect you more for it.

sliverofsilver · 14/09/2022 10:26

Oh dear OP. You need to work on your self worth. Your dh should wash them and you should play no part in washing your mean ol MIL clothes.
You should also not have your MIL say jump and you ask how high.

RB68 · 14/09/2022 10:27

Convo goes

I hand washed the items as OBVIOUSLY they can't go in the washer they would be ruined. You should be able to do this yourself at home, do you need me to get you some hand wash liquid with my shopping? Then proceed to say there are some really good deals on triple a rated washers at the moment, perhaps one of those would suit her. Oh and you owe her nothing after the way she has behaved!

cupofdecaf · 14/09/2022 10:27

I'd hand them back and say I don't think they're suitable for the washing machine. If she does want to use the machine she's welcome to pop round when she has a full load and she can use it.
Any comments about washing abilities should be met with ' good job women aren't measured by their domestic skills these days'.
Don't try to 'win' she'll make sure you don't.

AlbertaAnnie · 14/09/2022 10:35

Very odd - who doesn’t have a washing machine 😂

Sandman100 · 14/09/2022 10:36

I would boil them all and give them back ruined. She wont ask you again.

happy66 · 14/09/2022 10:38

I would refuse to do it. You can either say it nicely or firmly. For me it would be one complaint and it would finish. end of!

Cats23 · 14/09/2022 10:41

I wouldnt be washing anything at all.
If anything your DH should be washing his mothers clothes- why isn't he????