Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

im curious as to her apology
I’d say sounds like she got cold feet
which is understandable and not necessarily a rejection
I probably would too

how was the planning done ?

but anyway not defending her
if it felt too much she should have said earlier
to make someone travel that far
that’s ducking bang out of order

@Mila14 It's just not for me, even if I am full of lust....too much time together does my head in no matter how good the sex is.

SortingItOut

me too !!! It’s terrible isn’t it
why is that I wonder

I remember an ex wanted a two week holiday
I nearly died
TWO WEEKS

and we split up after !

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think even if you have doubts 'am I moving too quickly' etc, it's also always good to have an objective counsellor / therapist on side who's seen it all before, and can compassionately be on your side as and when these things come up.

I am absolutely astonished at how far back I've had to go to start to understand my behaviour. I won't clog up the thread but it's been truly eye opening. I also think I've found a really excellent therapist after a couple of sensible but middling ones.

As you can see I'm a convert 😅 but in the long term I just think I'd rather go to my grave being a bit more Zen and understanding of my decisions rather than chasing my tail.

Also - if she's offered to pay what she owes and take you out to lunch to apologise, that's a gracious response. However you don't have to accept it!

And also I once stood someone up at the airport, but I was a callow 23 year old and he was a seasoned 35 year old so I'm going to forgive myself for that. But I've never done it since and even in OLD I've never once cancelled a date other than when I had my accident last summer! But everyone I was supposed to be meeting for coffee got my hospital bed selfie 🤳🏻 with proof of date.

@Thisisworsethananticpated @SortingItOut I'm such a lush that if I'm enjoying the sex I'll definitely head off with someone for two weeks of shagging. Sounds divine. 🥰🤪😜

😂😂😂😂

@SortingItOut 2 weeks away with Mr Mason was nail in coffin for us too 😆

MrO flaking a bit about our arrangement . Im not available that much mostly because work and kids. He’s an empty nester and on top of that semiretired. He has all the time in the world. I don’t. I will not be able to live with anyone for quite some time. That’s a fact. Also I really really don’t want to live with anyone full time period.
Difficult conversation last night. Let’s see what happens but I can’t compromise on these issues. He’s a lot older than me. Im now realising this might be a problem whereas before I thought it suited me he had all the free time and availability in the world .
I think I was stupid. There is a clear unbalance here. I don’t know how this is going to pan out.
I don’t think OLD or IRL differs in issues of this kind. The phase we each are in life might not suit one of us and compromises might be impossible.
I don’t date at all on my family time with the kids. I only socialise with friends during daytime for quick lunch or gym.

2 weeks, Christ alive I’m too old & fat for that

I can lots of similarities here, you are a bit like ms show & I’m a bit like Mr O, ( not retired), but more free time, more flexible for dating opportunities

sounds like it’s no fun either side

Howlongy I really really think you have been great to Mrs Show and have compromised a lot. At least when I meet MrO there are no kids at all and they are my ex husband’s responsibility. I think MrO will have to accept we are in different stages in life is this is to have any legs
We will need to talk next week. I don’t want to discuss over phone anything. Face to face works better

Mila14

it’s very much early days with O
i mean literally weeks

whats the issue and what’s the rush ?
does he want to see you more or ?

this weekend I was Out two nights in a row nd my kids , especially youngest were super pissed about it

its made me think 🤔
basically I need to work less and win the lottery

thats my sensible and pragmatic plan for my current work life balance !!!!

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

so what was her excuse ? Nosy 🧐 I am !

@Mila14 in subsequent conversations with Mr city (we have remained in contact albeit sporadic) he admitted that he felt our different stages of life might have been an issue anyway as I have preteen and early teens whereas he has an adult child. He's older too which I thought would be beneficial as only one of us had commitments to work around but what do I know 🤷‍♀️

Gawd love my unfounded anxiety and sensitivity towards texting trends.

MrArt came in with a 'hello Beautiful how has your day been? mine has been totally horrendous all hands to the pump dealing with a huge emergency' as I was on a dark & damp dog walk.

As id taken the opportunity to read every single article ever written about what to do when he doesn't text/goes into man cave I was mindful of not being needy and demanding so just wished him well for the days ahead & a cute gif. He was thankful.

No reason to believe the sex-plans made for Sunday night wont go ahead... Yay.

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

😁
the man cave is on the one hand a sexist trope perpetuated by John grey (author ) that enables poor communication styles

however it’s also a THING !!!

@Mila14
are you from Aus by any chance with the Nicknames? , similar to the one I ended up with at School

Dunno yet, vm & email were calls Me please
still sitting on hands

Oh Slothy I thought MrCity was dating other women?? May I ask how old was Mr City? I thought you said his child was an adult and not living at home 🧐

Aus? Nope

Yes Worsy …he needs to see me more and i can’t during my DC time. They are very good students and used to a lot of order and structure. I will not do anything that can destabilise them. They are a priority. I never date guys with no kids. So I assume they understand my issue. I get a lot of time on my own though which I love. But I need everything planned for the time I am with no kids. Theres no spontaneity of “ can I meet you for lunch? “ when i have the kids.

You spent last weekend with Balkan? Or just the nights? In any case …wow…how many months now?

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss …brilliant stuff about your next date. I know its difficult but they really really need to retreat to their cave and really they are not good at WhatsApp. We need to give them space and not speculate. Easier said than done
You will se things better when you see him face to face

Howlongy , is it not killing you to hear her explanations? At some point you will have to read mail and listen to vm… but something is totally broken and I understand it too.

Enlighten me ..who is John Grey?

@Mila14

The odd bloke who wrote women are from Venus men are from
Mars and sanga on about oestrogen and testosterone levels a lot on YouTube. He's a bore who likes the sound of his own voice and pseudo scientific theories presented as fact