Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Super well done on the exercise.., hot bod to boot and great for mental health. Stay strong and healthy Worsy
about to go in to spinning class myself 😱super well wishes with therapy

ButterflyOfShay

id gently and kindly question if you are 100% open to dating , or if you are unconsciously holding yourself back after you got hurt last time? I know you hated OLD and I’ve picked up from your comments you met some not so nice ones
datings not risk free is it

anyway I’m not psychotherapist !
but it’s worth thinking about

and sadly all roads lead to bloody therapy with these things

hope it’s ok to say that and I havnt offended you

and no I’m not OLD

i want to have some therapy first 😂

Sorry to lower the tone but wondering what to say (or do?) about ED which has blighted each of the three sleepovers I've had with Mr Art. Not in a totally disastrous way but significantly annoying for me - he seems cool with his trouser buddy not being ready for action when you'd really expect it to be or going off the idea at the most inopportune moments.
I've said very little to-date but feels like a convo needs to be had taking in 'is this a new thing, just with me?' 'you do fancy me don't you?'
'You seem cool with this but it's a big of a nuisance isn't it' to 'maybe a trip to the doctors is worth considering to check this doesn't indicate something more serious and/or for some helpful medication'

WWYD I deffo don't want to stop physical proceedings to have an awkward delicate convo and we're not going to see each other for a good few weeks now.
All I wanted last night was a darn good rogering which j got in the end but sooner would have been even better!

This is new territory for me. Is it just the way it is with 50+ sex? 🥺🙄😫

wow Oncey…this is a difficult one. You need to maybe discuss this with him. Mr O was never really hard and made my head in. And…denied taking the blue pill when I found one under the bed. For me sex is very important with a partner but I know it’s not so for many people. So I think I would want him to visit doctor and see what’s going on
Mr Ex is 55… and so far he’s rock solid. Best sex ever. He runs…a lot…and is quite fit so there might be a link with health like Howlongy has suggested

Cheers @Mila14 the blue pill was suggested last sleepover as a thing to enjoy and he sounded quite knowledgeable about it so maybe has dabbled before.

He's a very fit gym bunny but 55 and doesn't see the least bit bothered by it but maybe hasn't realised it might bother his female bedmate(s)....

This will be an interesting adventure into doing sensitive convos maybe on the phone one day so no need for awkward eye contact.

Mind you I'm back in the (hours post sleepover 3 ended and he's at work all day until late) zone of thinking 'Maybe I'll never hear from him again.' Honestly. What am I actually like?

Oncey…55 is not really old 😳…strange he doesn’t get hard. I think you need to talk things. This is something important for you but strange he hasn’t realised there’s a problem. Don’t worry and hopefully you find a time to discuss this

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss how much of a gym bunny? Not that I’d be quick to accuse, however worth mentioning that steroid use is infamous for causing droopage in other areas…

Good thinking @ButterfliesAWOL not that much of a gym bunny. Just goes a 4-5 times a week. Would be gobsmacked if he's dabbling in steroids he's lean and fit but not pumped.

I'll talk to him. If I hear from him again. Which I will I guess.

The first time it happened (or didn't happen I should probably say) I was all 'What's going on with this fella then?' and he was all 'oh don't worry about him he just needs a bit of encouragement sometimes'
but now I'm thinking I'm used to having nakedness and mucho heavy frotting be all the encouragement needed and not mad on having to do loads of additional coaxing...

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss

as a younger man erections were easy and natural ( and “solid” ), this from mid teens to about mid / later 40s or so, I’m now 52 ( 53 soon ), erections are not so natural and maybe not so ”solid “ anymore & I think that’s pretty natural aging really
what I find these days is I suffer from DE, so with ms NoShow ( & ms H), we could have sex for about 30 to 40 minutes, then start to lose my erection without having an orgasm ( which ms H found difficult to deal with),
but we would take a break and try again ,

I realise this is going to be a difficult conversation, but could you mention something like, “sex is great, could we try with some viagra next time ? “, it’s pretty blunt but truthful

btw, he probably does fancy you, his penis not being engorged with blood is not a reflection of his feelings ( again blunt but true)

… posted too soon.
the comes on slowly so it’s only recently I’ve noticed a “decline “ in performance

The other thing I have noticed is the ms NoShow had not had sex for a while, and her last partner was a bit younger the me, so she probably never experienced a 50 + year old man before

Good thinking @ButterfliesAWOL not that much of a gym bunny. Just goes a 4-5 times a week. Would be gobsmacked if he's dabbling in steroids he's lean and fit but not pumped.

I'll talk to him. If I hear from him again. Which I will I guess.

The first time it happened (or didn't happen I should probably say) I was all 'What's going on with this fella then?' and he was all 'oh don't worry about him he just needs a bit of encouragement sometimes'
but now I'm thinking I'm used to having nakedness and mucho heavy frotting be all the encouragement needed and not mad on having to do loads of additional coaxing...

Thanks @HowlongWillThisTakeNow appreciate the frank male 50+ view here.

You're right the sex IS good and he does fancy me. All three of the sleepovers together have had three sessions - bedtime, middle of the night and morning time. And orgasms have been enjoyed. Plus we enjoyed some chocolatey fun too last night.

As he already mentioned it I might use your suggested phrase on how's about we get ourselves enjoying the bens of those magic blue diamonds via the doc so he can get himself a health check too.

I guess in time (already actually come to think of it) we'd just treat it as one of those things and enjoy a nice stiff erection when it's there and not be too annoyed when it fades away.
I felt for him as well as me but as I say he seems to be a happy easy going kind of chap.

Will bring it up (scuse the pun) when we are talking about getting together for another rendezvous.

Thanks all.

All three of the sleepovers together have had three sessions - bedtime, middle of the night and morning time. And orgasms have been enjoyed. Plus we enjoyed some chocolatey fun too last night.

To be honest, I would say this is pretty good the last sleepover with NoShow was sex in the afternoon,, sex in the evening ( I couldn’t finish, lost my erection ), sex at bedtime, sex in the morning, so pretty comparable really.
also, no Drs visit needed for viagra, you can buy it over the counter from Boots these days

@Thisisworsethananticpated oh am with you on the builders and handy men in thouse. Last year had the house rewired by an electrician, he was tall hunky and just knew things and... had a massive mug he drank his manly tea from. I was having the good old gallops ( in my head) as lives in my street/is married!! But nice to fantasise...

@Mila14 yeah went out to the Coppa Club, a rather posh eaterie and bar with gf. Hanging around the bar on a fri night there was eye candy o'plenty.. however I was too shy to chat to anyone despite there being quite a few guys my age bracket looking single and willing. I shall take the horse by the reins ( is that the english expression?) and go down there one night with the raging horn (!) just plonk my arse at the bar and...wait!!

@Lovemusic33 Cor, I lurve a beard. These Nordic men with beards, from where do they come?... can I have one too? This is my fantasy since getting hooked on 'Vikings' last year.

....the older fwb is still knocking around, best sex ever and no drama , so really can't complain.

@Hughgrantstrousers …how old is your older FWB…is there any chance that can progress to something else?
Are you “interviewing “ for FWB position or something more like a relationship?
thanks for tip…have duly googled and looks fab

Thank you so much for being so frank and honest about sex. Your posts are very very informative and we get the view from a guy which is great. You are really lovely

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow crickey thats lots of sex, and yes am in agreement with @Mila14 it is really refreshing reading a male perspective, we rarely hear the honest truth.

@Mila14 the older fwb is 10 years older, he is 61 I am 51. The problem is, he has reached pipe and slippers age - one, and two- he is incredibly tight with money! two non negotiables with me , as in, I couldn't imagine the rest of my life not going shopping/ to the salon/ to the spa/ a lux weekend because he wanted to stay in and watch tv to save money. Bollox to that!

Also his idea of a holiday is camping in the fucking rain and making bean stew on a portable gas stove. Another bollocks to that.

@ButterflyOfShay booking a girls hol for 2023 sounds amazing, just the tonic!!

You would never offend me you’re a lovely person ! You are right I think im far too guarded, had too many bad experiences (not OLD but in life) and just tooo wary and guarded now, Im open to trusting but in all honestly I feel meeting a single guy who is actually trustworthy decent and worth my time is rare, ill know it when I meet him but just not bothered til then and happy doing my thing. If that makes sense? Doing a lot of meditation this last year has helped me value myself wayyyy more than I ever imagined and it just gives you a whole new perspective too 🤍

Hughgrantstrousers

you are signoramella right ?

ButterflyOfShay

thanks for not being offended

and yeah , putting ourselves out there is risky
we need to trust people , be vulnerable and take risks x

@Hughgrantstrousers …erm…yikes old FWB… he needs replacing, shame about the awesome sex. You only live once

@ButterflyOfShay and Worsy …its really difficult to trust guys but I think they my e thinking the same about us women… Its a general feeling. We are too guarded but I also think it’s important we are personally strong before we can go vulnerable. I totally get Butterfly
Im in little pause…not much bothered about any iron at the moment although there is noise going on…I might meet someone next Friday but I don’t know enough yet so it will just be a coffee. I will name him if it has any legs. Opposite of Mr O…younger, suited and booted and boring city type. But this guy has an edge…also he is EURO not British and that’s a first for me since I was 21!

This is one of the best dating videos I've ever seen. It's great advice for anyone waiting for those texts/calls.
Total new mind shift. We are the prize.

crickey thats lots of sex, and yes am in agreement with @Mila14 it is really refreshing reading a male perspective, we rarely hear the honest truth.

it’s less PIV than you might , as I’ve got older its more oral / fingers/ toys, less quantity more quality.

I think you have to be careful with this these kind of videos, for every “let him chase you “, there is an equal “let her chase you “ video, pretty soon everyone is ignoring everyone