Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow Am hearing you !
Thsi is now my quote of the day, of the week, and quite possibly the year!

Dating sucks. Marriage sucked too. Being single was eternal bliss mainly. Apart from being on holiday with grumpy teens and no sex.

Dating argh, or they just drift in and out of my life, or they are full on like a bullet train with my no idea of what its like trying to manage tweens, a ft job, and all the other shit that entails.

Marriage, well, enough said.

The hols avec grumpy tweens and no sex. Christ these are the worst. I flirted with a man in the next caravan along this summer, as I slowley sipped my Chenin Blanc in the beach chair. and you know what that was about as exciting as it got. Argh again!

So am thanking you for the above quote..

As the thread is filling fast I just thought I'd send a reminder out for the IRL meet late October in London.

Muggins here forgot when her DD's half term was, so can't come anymore but for all those who were looking forward to a Bella free get together, now is your chance!

Seriously though. Choose IRL and DM me if you'd like to come join the fun 🤩

ButterflyOfShay
hey I’m on sertraline
saw a very funny GP
she started off all frosty and then when I told her what was going on she turned quite nice
me back in 3 weeks with son to see us both
anyway I’m going from 50 to 100

and I’m doing the exercise , healthy eating , breathing

sorry you feeling the same xxxx HUG HUG HUG

Stepcount, you nailed it . Both broken right now and yeah , need a total headspace break x

I'm on sertraline too, @ButterflyOfShay. Used to
be on 50mg, but then my depression got worse and I was referred to a psychiatrist. She put me on 100mg. ❤️

Thanks everyone for your kindness, means a lot. I will be able to available of funding to help but effectively I'll be rebuilding to sell and split with exh. I'll definitely be needing hugs.

@Hughgrantstrousers
As much as I would like to say I authored that quote but i nicked that from UrbanBliss.

Ive not thought about chatting up blokes, but might try that next, I’ve got a couple of big bikes, some quality tools in garage ( not very a metaphor),

“cover over some time and take a look at my big spanner’s ! “ 😂😂

I think the sending a “thanks but no thanks” and not engaging further is a perfect response, but just ignoring someone is not good, some men just give up after a while and they who quit OLD yesterday might have been the perfect person for the woman who starts old tomorrow.
that’s enough nonsense from me, I’ll get of my high horse now

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I agree with the thanks but no thanks response.
I treat people how I want to be treated.

Even on Fab I'm polite to everyone and lots have said that they appreciate that even when I've said they're not my type.

Worsy
I’m working hard really but I’m really not myself right now
**
like you it’s kids , work , friends and exercise
**
and pills 💊🥹

nothing wrong with that. You need to follow medical advise and do what works to keep you going. There’s always time to reduce dosis or come of it. Don’t worry

I’m sorry about Balkan . I think it’s ok to keep him if he makes you happy, don’t over criticise yourself for ending having sexy time with him . I only think you need to look for other iron so you are not so invested in Balkan and maybe it’s a person who shows you he cares for you and can listen to you too

I think I’m not sure I want to engage or have a meh day…so I just withdraw until I know better whether I want to engage really. Many times I have been on the other end… messaging crazy and not getting much response. I just don’t take it personally. I don’t know what I want and many people OLD don’t know either. Let’s just agree we are different

I think this is an interesting discussion - I was/am more someone who just doesn’t engage if I’m not interested and don’t tend to think of it as my job to avoid putting men off OLD.

Unfortunately some men can be quite aggressive if they feel slighted and it can feel safer just not to reply at all. I think it’s far safer to just realise that absolutely kind of it is - or possibly can be - personal and that we all need to roll our sleeves up and wade through the early stages of OLD acknowledging that it’s unwise to expect anything of total strangers.

Occasionally someone would message me days after our vague chat had naturally fizzled out, in order to tell me they’d met someone else, and I found their urge to tell me this - a stranger they’d shared a few messages on a dating app - strangely old-fashioned and charming. I certainly learnt early on it’s not a good idea to expect such behaviour!

@LuckyLinda3 that sounds horrendous. You poor thing. Sending hugs over…. One day at a time…

Agree with @ibelieveinmirrorballs

@Thisisworsethananticpated @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers 💐💐 going to google the difference between sertraline and prozac now. I definitely feel like mine helps even with work and dealing with that sort of stress. Shame we need to be on anything at all though 💗

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss, I get what you are saying, maybe iI just think the best of everyone, I have the same discussions with people at work who say it’s not my job to do xy&z, and they are quite right, but I always try and persuade people to do that bit extra and do something extra that people might appreciate

I do the same IRL, I give up my own time to teach others , this really gives me sense of achievement and enjoyment

I think @HowlongWillThisTakeNow you might have got me mixed up with @SortingItOut who tries to please everyone and treats others how she would have them treat her.

But I'm also the same. Can't abide hurting feelings with a non reply. Always get a horrible shock when a match would unceremoniously unlatch with no warning a shock that only lasted a short while admittedly but nevertheless.

I can't recall now how I'd phrase a 'thanks but no thanks' as it's been years since I was in that position. Maybe I did toughen up and did some unceremonious unmatching of my own having been shown by the OLD fellas this was A Thing and an acceptable thing at that. Just bobbed off their radar and back into the sea of others.

Mr Art very jolly on the phone just now and v enthusiastic about me coming to stay tomorrow despite him having a n early start and a long day on Sat. Good man. Thought he might have had a change of heart but that was in my (slightly mental) head.
Will be lush to spend time away from the depressed and anxious teens plus a tonic after a horrible week at work where I've spent most of it crying about various stressful projects 🥺Prosecco, music, food and sex are on the menu then possibly four weeks apart. (Although where there's a will there might be a way...)

Apologies, post earlier was in response to mirrorballs

This discussion has reminded me of a couple of memorable first messages post-match strike/thanks but no thanks times which I share with others starting their OLD adventures:

OLD Man: 'Id have thought you'd be my perfect woman if it wasn't for your huge tattoo. I find it very off putting'

Me: ( Thinks 'The permanent huge one featured heavily in my profile photos to ensure freaks like you don't bother swiping on me or those who it's such preferences don't get a nasty shock in the boudoir further down the line?') Righto. Thanks for the feedback. Byeeeeee 👋

Or...

Me: Thanks for the match. Love your profile words and pics. What are you up to this weekend - have you got fun plans? We're off to do XYZ before we do ABC has blah blah blah...

OLD Man: Great tits!

Bless.

OLD Man: Great tits!. Sounds about right 😂

plus a tonic after a horrible week at work where I've spent most of it crying about various stressful projects

I’ve been running a migration project for about 2 years now, on almost no budget and skeleton staff & a couple of weeks ago, one of best staff members said he was leaving, got to admit I think I was close having some kind of breakdown I was so stressed about delivering it

Love this @OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss . A great way to rule out the bigots!! Yet they still have to comment!! Soooo many gristleheads out there!! I don’t miss OLD a bit…

I don't think those things are opposites though - I go out of my way to do a good job for people at work (although think I'm also quite boundaried) - I am not a fan of gatekeepers or people who constantly bat away people's requests for help because it's 'not their job'.

But on a dating app where frankly a large percentage of the randoms floating about are completely mad and unpredictable, I have learned not to expect people to treat me in the same way as they would if we knew each other in real life. There are so many threads on this board where people are 'shocked and horrified' that someone they've never met on on OLD app has faded them out after a few messages back and forth, or has committed some "crime of etiquette" or other, causing them so much upset they post ranting and wailing about it and how OLD is just awful and not for them and they'd rather spend the next 20 years stroking their cat and staring at the wall etc etc. To me it seems absolutely bonkers to draw any conclusions at all about "the human race", or the state of the dating pool, by getting this agitated about the behaviour of complete and utter randoms on a dating app.

It's why the thread rules are so good, and dripping in years of collective wisdom. As for the 'treat others as you'd like to be treated' - I follow this too, to a tee, and have never disappeared or done anything underhand/deceitful. But I don't expect random people to treat me like a friend either, and recognise that even the nice people have busy lives, or might not know what to say, or might have had 30 messages to look at, or their cat might have just had to go to the vets, or whatever... we cannot draw any conclusions other than that, really.

I don't expect random people to treat me like a friend either, and recognise that even the nice people have busy lives, or might not know what to say, or might have had 30 messages to look at, or their cat might have just had to go to the vets, or whatever... we cannot draw any conclusions other than that, really.

Exactly. I don’t take any of it personally. People just fade, disappear or simply can’t be bother to answer and that’s respectable too. Or they just lose interest and are thinking what to do next…myriad reasons to go quiet and all valid too as they don’t know you at all

Date number 2 arranged with Mr medic for next week - I'm taking him out for something to eat for his bday 😁

Fantastic @Slothmomma. Enjoy!

Oh Slothy…fab news. Fingers crossed for you