Hi everyone - I was on here a few threads back about dating Ms P. You were all fantastic and really helped calm my anxieties, to the extent me and Ms P are still together and rapidly shifting from "dating" to proper "relationship", I guess.
Unfortunately, something happened which has thrown a spanner in the works. I'm hoping we can resolve it but still a bit triggered by it all. Ms P spent all morning on WhatsApp - was told it was a daft convo about her hobby. She kept disappearing into different rooms, so eventually asked her how the convo was going. She then revealed it was with a hitherto unknown male friend.
I have no problem with male friends. However the way she almost over-compensated, saying how he was married and had known each other for five years (yet didn't say he wasn't her type) made me nervous. Her being nervous made me nervous. She hadn't been like this about any other of her male friends that I knew of. We talked. She admitted she found him attractive. She showed me the message to ease my fears. It had been going on for over an hour and a half, with them teasing each other and swapping jokes. But there was no obvious sexual content, so I said "fair enough". But I still felt uneasy but didn't say anything. She told me she'd show a close female friend the messages to see if she thought this married male friend maybe had feelings for her.
Her female friend told her there were red flags everywhere. In her opinion, its blindingly obvious this guy has the hots for Ms P and their convos are stepping into seriously dubious territory. Ms P is now very apologetic - again almost too much so, since I'm trying to be all "bigger picture", not jumping to conclusions and non-controlling about it all. And has told me she will be distancing herself from him pronto. But the truth is, I'm now feeling really pissed off. Pissed off that this is even happening. I'm honestly questioning if she was so naive that she couldn't see what was going on here - that, at the very least, this guy was using her as a bit of a forbidden flirtation/ego boost because he felt his marriage was a bit dull - and was pretty much aware of what was going on (given her defensiveness and following over-explanation of it all as opposed to "yeah, another male friend, no biggie"). Pissed off because, given my history with an ex who cheated on me, from an "innocent" situation like this (until it suddenly wasn't), the last thing a f**king need is to inherit a proto-emotional affair that got kickstarted during the dying days of her marriage. Pissed off because she chose to hide this from me and continue it whilst visiting my own home.
Apologies, I realise I shouldn't jump to conclusions and that maybe she honestly thought it was all innoccuous. I just needed to vent somewhere.