Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Mila14

i think she did set his loins mila
most definitely !

Back from my date with iron 1 - no spark and definitely no burning loins 😆

Slothmomma

sorry about Cold loins
how long do you leave it if no spark
ie how long you stay for ?

Just one drink but did about hour and half as he'd driven over my way as I have kids so can't venture too far or for too long

Slothmomma

that’s shame . Hope the 1.5 not too awkward

@Thisisworsethananticpated no, not at all. We chatted well but just like passing time with a friend as opposed to being flirty etc. All the dates I have since being back on apps last few months have been ok but didn't feel the spark so one date only save for Mr city who made it to 2 😆

Sorry to hear there was no spark @Slothmomma 😥

Sorry to hear that Slothy. It’s like that for us. I got a few very nice dinners and 0 sparks when I started seriously dating back early summer. I think we need to be ok to not compromise on the hot loins department. No matter how nice and decent the guys are

Ah it's OK. It's why I don't like to chat too long before meeting.

And no @Mila14 I won't compromise again. Mr Mason was lovely guy, trustworthy, loved me but in end I knew I just wasn't feeling "it" and wasn't having fun. So I'm not just going for the nice guy again. I need more or single is ok

Im seeing Mr Ex tonight for nice dinner and chat . I told him we will not sleep together tonight. He’s Uber busy and traveling to euro country anyway for business so had to cancel next week. It’s too close for me as I see MrO tomorrow. I think I need to pause MrEx. He is distraught. We’ll see but right now it’s too much to handle
I went to bed last night thinking WTF am I doing. I don’t know what I’m doing but if I’m seeing 2 people I need time to myself in the middle to think !

100% agree

Hello fellow daters.I was on this thread a couple of years ago so thought I'd pop by.
Still single,no sex or action for four years (lockdown didn't help)apart from a few snogs with someone I dated for a week in May.
Had two dates last month then he vanished never to be heard again.
Date last Sunday with older guy,I'm 51 and he nearly 60.Found attractive.Second date was so flat and hard work so that was a no.
Coffee date with 43yr old yesterday but no spark on my side.Lovely person.
Evening date last night with someone I was excited about,but pof photos not great but good banter.He arrived with a hugh bunch of flowers and bottle of wine.I was his first online date. Sweet bloke but had missing and black teeth,had been to prison( nice that he admitted! But by then I was just staying to be polite) and just not for me at all.
All these had been chat on pof and date arranged within two days. Not sure if I need to do the drawn out process of endless chat? I've always gone with a quick meet.
Exhausting week!

The whole spark/chemistry thing is such a hot topic! 😂 I was convinced sex would be amazing with this one man as everything leading up to it just felt right. Butterflies were there, then we DTD and to put it lightly it was horrendous. Never again. I could not wait for him to leave and to erase that event from my life. With MM i think we must just be highly compatible(sexy language 😂) but if i’m honest thats probably the strongest connection we have! So the areas we need to work on are the more important ones for if an actual relationship would ever work. I’m not all too convinced that we can progress. So for now i’ll enjoy what we have! Next week is going to be a tough one but oh boy is the anticipation building for when i see him. I only hope he doesn’t forget his trusty bum-bag 😂 and hasn’t lost his belly!! Mwhahahahah!

@SortingItOut that is ideal, actually meeting them IRL, then that cuts out all the crap which OLD offers up!

@Thisisworsethananticpated I know right. I am 50. 68 was a bit far into the upper reaches if I am honest.

@kerkyra I’m not sure chatting any longer would help? You just don’t know until you meet someone. I chatted to someone for a few days, we had quite a bit in common, fancied him from the pics etc. and I couldn’t help build him up in my mind as The One 🤣 when we met I couldn’t have been less attracted to him, both looks and personality-wise. I think it’s best to just meet as quickly as possible and be prepared for a lot of disappointment. Your date last night sounds sweet but I would be mortified by the flowers 🫣

@Naimee87 oh god. How long did you leave it before you broke it off? What did you say?

@kerkyra … strange date the guy with the flowers that did prison time… 😱😱😱… think what you really want and need from a man and stick to that. I think a problem we have many times is that we are not selective enough and dating many unsuitable people is ghastly and produces fatigue.
I like to check people thoroughly before meeting. This might not always be possible but it’s important we feel safe

@Naimee87 Oh dear sorry to here the DTD event was bad. You cant really ever tell, can you, til your ' in the midst'.

My only DTD sessions this year was were with a date from OLD who seemed charming, and was charming, buuuuut he was quite out of shape ( I am being kind) now after about an hour he sweated so much it was dripping on like
like I had a marathon runner doing pressups on me, particularly gross!

..anyway back to the FWB who is super fit and can go for hours ( TMI!!).

Signora I missed the bit about you dating a 68 year old … how was it ?? I’m curious. That’s a huge age gap.😳

@Signoramarella i think i managed to hide it well at the time. We were at my place it was super late and we just fell asleep. Well he did, i laid there clock-watching. It wasn’t anything abusive he did absolutely nothing wrong. A bit too embarassed to go into detail. But it was consensual. When he left i did the awful thing and went quiet on him. I think 3 days passed then i felt guilty and put on my big girl pants and had a f2f conversation with him. I said i honestly think we’re better off as friends. Just what everyone wants to hear after sex right 😬😬 He was convinced we could improve but no amount of money, free truck lessons, chocolate, Prosecco would have made me get back into bed with him. I know what i like now and i’ll only be going after that! 😍😌

Signora … yikes … I can’t imagine DTD with someone so unfit. I would not feel attracted to start with. I’m a gym bunny too so I really appreciate a guy who is fit and looks nice naked!
it’s not an age thing either… Mr O looks very athletic and he’s the oldest guy I’ve ever been with (60) !! he’s quite fit and looks a lot younger
Are you having fun with your FWB? Are you looking around for a more traditional relationship on the side or is you FWB all you need ?

@Naimee87 are you still friends?

I remember DTD with someone who was sweet but it wasn’t good at all. I left at about 2am and walked home, I couldn’t bear to actually go to sleep with him (not that I think I could have slept). To be honest I don’t like overnight stays in the early stages anyway, especially not at mine. Is that a bit strange? I’m very protective of my space.

Thanks. I probably do need to be more selective. The date yesterday morning was 6 foot 3 and I went with it,but now thinking why did I,as I'm not attracted to tall slim men( despite being almost 5'11 myself). I like my height and chunky!
Flower man just looked weathered and I don't like saying it,but rough.
He also said he had to pay for pof,£17? When I use it for free.Seems strange.
Am on tinder too and have found everyone pretty friendly and polite so will keep going.

@Signoramarella i really did try to be friends afterwards because he was great. But ultimately we couldn’t be friends because it just felt more and more awkward. And i tend to get flirty when i drink and but in general with everyone which just gave him mixed msgs. @Mila14 i love exercising but would never ever date anyone who had looked like they had even stepped foot in a gym. I love the dad-bod! Not obese obviously i got some limits! But saying that i contradict myself because heavier the better. For context i’m 5’4 and about 8,8stones! Skinny men are such a turn off, not their fault i know but not one bit attracted to a toothpick of a man.

I totally agree with this Iodine. I dated a very very posh guy sometime ago and we DTD at my place …I wasn’t comfortable with him staying and actually told him to go home. He did . We dated afterwards but my heart was not on it

Naimee… agreed. I don’t fancy toothpick thin guys but I like athletic and well built. Bit of belly is ok ( but very little 😂😂😂)