Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Butterfly we all feel insecure about putting our pics there and unsure of what we really transmit in them. I think real life is better but we don’t have the time or know where to meet people

Mila14

im actually not upset with Balkan right now
for a change 😂

I laid some boundaries majorly this summer and feel less fraught

and maybe we know more where the other is at now and I’m certainly less psycho reactive

And I remain cautious and I’m implementing some changes for me personally

but my sons a real concern and caring for him adjacent to corporate toxic is hard

regarding Ex
you are a grown up and sounds like maybe (maybe !) your relationship is evolving into
something healthier ? As we all have to look after ourself and boundaries

but the heart want what the heart wants

ButterflyOfShay

who do you think OLD makes you feel ugly and undesirable ? I’m curious

Worsy I’m glad you found a balance with Balkan. As long as he adds to your life I think it’s all good.
I think you are right and it’s a balance with boundaries as we age and life becomes more complex with kids and work
You sound a bit more positive today 😊😊😘. I’m sure you are a brilliant mum for your DC and your son is work in progress

Hey lovey. Well for one thing I’m completely unphotogenic. I hate photos of myself. I’m more of a ‘grower’ I think 😅 so immediately I’ve lost something as think my personality is more attractive than my looks!!! And OLD is all about pics eh 😕

@ButterflyOfShay I don't think it's all about pics... for me if the pics are okay but something stands out in the profile I'll give it a go. I was not wowed by either MrM's pics or MrN's (come to think of it, nor was I with previous iron MrR ). For me it's about the sense of who they are as a person - which is why if there's no bio at all the pics have to be very good as otherwise you have no clue. Which is why I hate Tinder because basically hardly anyone has a bio.

I hate photos of myself too, I absolutely hate them. But I'm starting to think that's more about a quirk of my personality than about some objective reality that I'm unfeasibly unattractive. I think it's worth gently examining those beliefs we have about ourselves because I'm sure you know objectively that you are no less attractive than millions of people out there successfully navigating life and relationships. I don't know about you, but growing up I was never encouraged to feel good about how I looked, or to 'draw attention' to myself, and I still struggle with anything that challenges me to do that.

Very good observation @ibelieveinmirrorballs .., I’m a sucker for a good looking man… but it’s important I can read some info too. I can’t click on people with 0 info about them, however good looking honestly. I don’t like Tinder either

@Mila14 the mad thing is often they’ve been much more attractive in the flesh. MrM only had one photo and in it looked like a mild-mannered academic who might not say boo to a goose. I worried he’d be too fey when we met - the reality was the complete opposite!

I’m having a low key week and have been off work full of cold. Ugh. Had a really good weekend seeing MrM although definitely don’t feel 100% comfortable with it all.. will talk more to N about it when we next meet up.

Going back a bit, I find having sex with someone for the first time so nerve-wracking. There are so many reasons it could be rubbish and quite a few about which nothing can be done. I’ve read things on here about not sleeping with someone for months but I can’t imagine properly falling for someone only to be utterly disappointed in the bedroom.

I think I was lucky with my ex, we had sex on our second date and it was amazing he was also massive. We had a great sex life and were highly sexually compatible (until it all went wrong for other reasons at which point I went off it completely). I do worry nothing is ever going to compare… all of my other sexual experiences were rubbish in comparison

I drafted something yesterday and sent it this morning

I think I was lucky with my ex, we had sex on our second date and it was amazing he was also massive.

I think this one of reasons many men have all kinds of sexual issues and hang ups,
what if Mr Previous was also Mr Massive 😞

Well obviously I wouldn’t discuss size comparisons with a partner 😳 or anyone to be honest, besides an anonymous dating thread. It was far from the only thing that made the sex good. I had a ONS with someone who was bigger and the sex was awful, I still shudder at the memory. Nothing to do with his size.

Still got to catch up on everyone’s antics but got an update and suppose i could do with all of your really helpful opinions/views/advice.

MM wrote today from the other whatsapp number. He text just saying he was alive. So after getting over the shock of seeing his name pop up i opened his message and wrote back 2hrs later (i know a bit too quick) According to him he was in a car accident, someone smashed into him and his car was totalled he’s been in hospital for twenty days with broken ribs, concussion and severe bruises. And after was recovering at home. He sent a photo of his wrecked car, which he only bought a few months ago and a photo of him all bashed up with a crutch/neck brace and a bandaged leg. His reason for not being able to reach me is because his other phone that we were texting on before got smashed up in the car crash. He had my number saved on the old phone which has been in his truck and his first day back was today. I am inclined to believe him… or am i being a mug! We have had a bit of back and forth on text and it feels just like before he went? Would you lot believe him?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow we can all play that game though can’t we… what if Ms Previous was Ms Skinny or Ms Pert Tits or… etc.

If we’re going to spend our time angsting that we’re somehow lacking compared to Everyone Else then there’s always something to latch our angst onto.

@IodineQueen don't feel bad about sharing your experience/preference on this anonymous forum… where else is there we can say these things? Fwiw it’s my belief that sex gets better as we go along - now you’ve had that excellent recent sex, you know what you’re looking for and can have it again. Sex has got better and better for me with each iron and my last iron (also massive, ahem 🙈) I thought couldn’t be bettered. Current iron (perfectly decent but not massive) has blown my socks off. It’s not all about size but size cannot be completely discounted is my conclusion 🤩

Er, yes?

He’s sent you photos of him in a neck brace covered in bruises and of his car all smashed up and you are not sure you believe him..? Why would you not?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs that it’s got better and better for you is reassuring. And you’re right, I once was blind but now I see 😂

@Naimee87 Yes, that all sounds very believable.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yes indeed, I was thinking if that went both ways.

@Naimee87 why would you not believe him ?

Did you hear anything back to your response @HowlongWillThisTakeNow? How are you feeling now about things..?

@Naimee87 how are you feeling now since that update?

He has sent photos its more just the fact that it sounds so far fetched…but suppose it does all tie in with the fact i never got blocked and msgs just stopped going through. Its a relief to hear from him. Restored my faith a bit. But it’ll be a while till we get to see each other, with the work trip happening next week. Probably(hopefully) early October! Hopefully he’ll be all healed by then and ready for me 😂😌😇

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …did you DTD with MrM???

I hear you @IodineQueen …MrEx is also massive. Biggest ( and hardest) I’ve ever had…

Oh my goodness…Naimee!!! I totally believe him. It makes sense totally and you’ve seen the pics . To me it makes sense. I believe him.

Iodine I can’t fall in love with one guy if we are not sex compatible. I need to know early ish whether we work ok together or not at all.

Aww thanks! I was finding it really tough yesterday and today! I was, looking at our chat and the photos trying to wrack my brain as to why he’d go off radar. Then i was reading the cave messages on here thinking he must be doing that. I have to say i caught feelings for him after having sex... Its been amazing and from the very first time too. In his truck at some unknown rest stop off the side of a motorway 😇 soo romaaaantic! 😂 Each to their own right! 😍