Dating Thread 233 - Being Our True Selves

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Bella awesome advise…you are a very wise person

@Mila14 I totally hear what you say and honestly thank you I had to put it done for others to see and say what deep down I knew. I am 30 and don't want marriage or anything more. I have 1 DD who's 9 and she's enough lol! X

@Mila14 I'm all about making the sexual compatibility part of the early triage process too.

And now I've had two stable years of deliberate celibacy and singledom to reflect I know I'll be binning off MrArt off pretty quickly if he is either (a) selfish in the sack (b) has an index finger micro penis or (c) both 🥺😬

Hope it happens on Sunday as per arrangements hastily made whilst snogging goodbye on his doorstep at the weekend. Am ridiculous fruity just thinking of him unbuttoning my dress and getting him nekid 🙄🤭

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss index finger micro penis 😂😂😂😂😂

Oncey…keeping my fingers crossed for the shag of the bloody century. You need to report to the mothership. Micro penis holders and super selfish fuckers do happen

We will be logging in frantically to see how fruity Oncey got on

Thanks for the cave explanation @mila and @HowlongWillThisTakeNow. I think I like the idea of retreating to a cave to think now and again too!

I've gone a bit lurky over the past few threads, but hope to be more posty soon. Still not feeling the dating. Gone back on Bumble. Rarely get matches from anyone under 60 (I'm 56, somehow), but I'm just not ready to play golf and meet the grandchildren - I was dancing on the beach to a live band recently and I'm considering driving 2 hours each way on my own to see a band I've just discovered, and I still feel 23! I fear the pipe and slipper brigade is beckoning and I'm not ready for that. Also, potentials are retiring and wanting to travel, meanwhile I work full time, have teenage kids and I'm perpetually skint. Not what the elderly gentlemen are in the market for really. Anyway, really just came on here to place mark and to offer howlong a big virtual hug - there is no excuse of any kind for that behaviour. I'd be fuming. I'd be hopping mad. I'd be livid. I also really want to know what's in her email/vm now - can any explanation get her out of this one? She doesn't deserve you.

@WeWantTheFinestWines …so nice to see you back here…good you are back in the app. Looking forward to hearing from you and your iron search 😘

Mr O being quite remote. He called me and seemed ok but he’s dealing with a lot after his DW death. I don’t really know what will happen next week…but I’m feeling remote too if that makes sense. I really don’t want to deal with much drama. Enough drama with teenagers at home! tentatively thinking of keeping Mr Ex and just maybe give Mr O time to deal with practical matters and grief after his loss. My libido shuts down if I sniff hassle

The email & VM both had an apology, but no explanation, she is asking for a call to explain, but I’m not sure I can be bothered / raise the enthusiasm/ really want to / or care ( but the sex used to be good..)., so that’s probably a job for tomorrow

maybe iIl, emerge from my emotional cave tomorrow and have a shave ,(always makes me feel better), Im not normally a dweller on past events, I normally put yesterday in a box and think about tomorrow , but don’t know how to deal with this right now.

@WeWantTheFinestWines , thank you, I don’t think driving 2 hours is anything to worry about, I’ve ridden 2 hours before to have a breakfast somewhere new .

The age thing is white I don’t think I can ever do OLD because I am 61 , dating a man several years younger who in met in RL and who is lots of fun an we do active things and people generally assume I am early 50s and am open today I have a great body, look good etc. I am not saying this to brag - my relationship is problematic and only makes sense from what I have learned on here the man cave etc and my bf has numerous work and family commitments so am not at all sure how it will work out. But OLD would bring me up matches to’ old’ for me as the man who are my physical and spiritual age -eg early 50s would not have an age range that goes to 61 as they assume that 61 is beige cardigans and bunions. Whereas RL men see the person first not the age.

Aaargh sorry for typos! Basically /men in RL seem interested in me but OLD would screen me out by age.

Hi everybody

I've also been quietly lurking. Nothing dating-wise going on for me (a lot of family stuff)

Jangolina & WeWantTheFinestWines Age is one of those things that if you met somebody older/younger IRL & they were perfect in every other way, then it wouldn't matter, but on OLD it's one of the things that stops you even looking (Unfortunately. & I include myself in that!)

I hope things work out for you tho WeWantTheFinestWines. If it helps I've spoken to probably hundreds of men in their 50's who behave more like a 20 year old than you'd 'expect' a 50 year old too
(But I do love a cardigan)

HowlongWillThisTake Not that you sound like you need it, but sending you strength to deal with this... My immediate thought when I read what happened was 'Sure, childcare emergencies happen, but nothing to stop her getting in touch immediately, on a video call, just to tell you what had happened & apologise (grovel)'... So I'm also with you, I think it's something else.

Mila Re the age thing, I've had that exact experience, you think 'Perfect, they know what it's like to have kids, they can now fit around me pretty much' & then it just doesn't work like that. Generally speaking the only had their kid once or twice a week anyway so they don't 'get it' really, & then they want a lot more of your time than you can give.

Cece Sorry but adding my voice to the 'If he wanted to meet you he would have' chorus... Even a half hour coffee/half hour walk. I mean, we can all squeeze one of those in in 4 years, no matter what else is going on!

Sending everybody love.xxx

Nice to see you back @WeWantTheFinestWines . Nothing to report here. Actually running out of potentials on both Bumble and Hinge. There isn't anyone I fancy enough to swipe right on and so many of the same faces. Any conversations that begin are just mind numbingly dull and I end up unmatching. I'm really not bothered at this point.

The Mothership 😂😂 love that… it literally is too!!

heeeey @WeWantTheFinestWines pretty laydeee! X

@JangolinaPitt OLD makes me feel generally utterly ugly and undesirable where as IRL I get attention, I think OLD just works for some people better than others

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow glad you’re reassembling yourself, completely understand why this incident made you feel the way you do, the word disrespectful doesn’t cover it, it’s shocking behaviour I think id let that one go as I think she would do it again. Hope you start feeling brighter today. ⭐️

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

you could tell her just that ?

I’m too upset to talk to you right now
what you did really hurt me
I can’t think that any explanation will make that go away ?

everyone is different but I’m a HUGE fan of articulating my emotions ! But concisely

but I also think you need an explanation so you can process it . My bet is she got overwhelmed
but sound be wrong

Mila14

i have a question , you presumably started online dating to move on from Mr Ex ? But now he seems to be very much back in the camp

who knows what will happen with O , clearly a great connection is there and you both need maybe a cave and thinking break
the intensity maybe needs a break !

but what’s changes with Ex ? Why was he out and how’s he’s in again ?

no major updates from me
I spent all summer crazy stressed about Balkan and my mum

and now my kids are back I’m crazy stressed about my toxic work and my elder son who’s really not in a great way

however balkan isn’t crazy stressing me as I think the penny dropped when I told him he was impacting my mental health with his caving and I ended it .
time will tell ….

I’m starting therapy next week !
and seeing GP to try and get some extra meds

ain’t single mum life grand 😁

and god bless the queen for a day off next week

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I think you should send a message to Ms No Show even if its to say you're still processing things because what you're doing now is the silent treatment.
Needing to process something is fine but articulate that.

You always seeemed so good at communication. I know you're hurting but you're still in a relationship with her if no one has ended it.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Sorry to read things aren't good but great news on the therapy😁

I know exactly how you feel. I have also exhausted bumble and hinge and no one I liked. But suddenly it happens and you get someone you like a lot and someone who can be a contender. I think there is a huge component of luck in all this OLD and gamification. It’s addictive like gaming and many people just are there for serial dating with no intention ever to have a relationship
I think it’s difficult to do but sometimes the best thing is not to check at all for a week or so and see what happens.

Worsy MrEx is the man of my life and we have history together. We’ve been seeing each other after we broke up and still getting to really establish a friendship we could not have before. I know now after talking over summer a lot more of his issues and he trusted me with things I had no idea about. We now have only really good times and personal things about kids etc, fabulous dinners and brilliant sex. He’s massively stressed with huge city job but I don’t feel anymore responsible for his black moods and depression. I am outside all his problems and so it’s fully enjoyable with him for the first time in 6 years. It can’t progress into anything else because I don’t want him as a 24/7 partner. We love each other dearly but right now he needs to accept I’m not ready to go any further.

MrO is much older than me. He’s dealing with all the aftermath of DW death and I am at different stage in life. If he can’t compromise he’s going to have to go. I’m feeling a bit jittery about meeting him now. I think I have such a massive self protection wall around me, I run from anything that can hurt me or be a massive issue. I don’t know how I feel about him right now. But I need to go slower now and I want to tell him this

Worsy good that you are about to start counselling and getting your mental health first

I thought you were still seeing Balkan sporadically but that you were ok with it. I think you clearly are not ok with this. There’s not enough for you in this arrangement

I think kids are major issue for us and we worry and are very affected by their mood, mental health etc but you need to carve out a bit of me time and something soothing. I keep thinking you need a bit of love and TLC. You were asking before what MrEx brings to me now and it’s massive loving care, full attention and generosity. We met many times and had 0 sex although we clearly have massive chemistry. He respects me withdrawing sex when I need something else. Life as a single mum and having almost all custody and a child with issues is very hard and you are doing a brilliant job at it. As mums we should really be more supportive of OURSELVES and not over criticise ourselves so much. Sometimes we are our worst enemies because anything we do for ourselves is selfish or whatever. NO no no.

Jangolina there are many ladies in my gym that are over 60 and look fabulous. And more than anything…are fabulous themselves in their attitude and passion for life. Age is a number. Mr O is outside my dating range but has a better physique than my Mr Ex who is 11 years younger than him 😂😂😂
I think people lie about age in apps and it is not that bad if they look brilliant 🤩