Older men hitting on teen DD

[GrossedOutByOlderMen]

NC for this one.

I have a 16 year old daughter who has suddenly become very beautiful. She is the youngest of 4 girls so I am used to blossoming teens suddenly gaining male attention, but this is totally different. And I am not stealth boasting, this is making me feel ill...

She gets stopped in the street, constantly catcalled and "bothered" when she's out and about which she gracefully ignores, but she has started a job as a waitress and is being propositioned on a daily basis while she's trying to work.

But the horrible thing is it's almost always by men in their late 30s, some even older. I've seen them in action - they literally follow her out of the restaurant to get her number as I wait in the car to pick her up, and they are quite pushy.

She always drops the fact that she's 16 into conversation (although tbh she doesn't look much older - eg cant buy alcohol) but that doesn't deter them at all. Yesterday we went out to the cinema and some 40 year old bloke was trying to pick her up IN FRONT OF ME despite knowing her age and that I am her mum?! I am absolutely disgusted by it - I know she is "legal" but it just feels really grim.

She is a quiet girl and is embarrassed by the attention - she would be mortified if I ripped into someone, though I was VERY tempted last night - she said she was 16 and had a boyfriend but the guy wouldn't drop it. She wanted to leave early so we came home 🙁.

Her boyfriend is also 16, and boys her own age might flirt / try to get her Snap but they don't act this way towards her. When my older girls were that age I was a big believer in letting them sort their own issues out but she just feels really vulnerable.

It's affecting her confidence and tbh I'm increasingly furious (she doesn't feel safe getting the bus any more after 1 incident, has started wearing ridiculous baggy clothing.....) I feel helpless because if she was 6 months younger she would be a child and the "rules" would be different. But she IS still a child!

How should she / I handle it? (Before I lose my shit at one of them and end up in the papers!)

Oh just piss off

Men in their 40s and 50s are so deluded they feel they can groom a child into liking them.

I think every teenage girl should get a personal safety device (can be switched on & off) if only to get through to these idiots their efforts are not wanted. It should just be an instant response & these men treated as the potential child abusers they are.

And yes: online porn that perpetuates the fantasy that any time, any place women of any age are instantly ready for sex with any man 😡I think it’s a very serious problem and as a society we aren’t even beginning to take it seriously enough.

In answer to that silly question 5 ft 8 tall c long legs slim confident even featured thick dark blond hair. Try being that demographic and 14 in today’s societY 🙄. You through no fault of your own are every meatheads fantasy come to life.

In an ideal world this would be a thing of the past and your DD would not have to deal with it. Unfortunately as a PP said she is going to have to develop a set of strategies.

Death stare, aren't you my dad's mate?, I am not interested, hell has yet to freeze over, ignore them, false number et al. can all work in busy places where if it goes wrong there are people about to help out if she starts shouting.

I would also get her to consider all the usual lone female safety strategies... self defense, keys in hand, crossing the road, phoning people as she is walking, change into trainers, take well lit busy roads, try to stay with friends, have enough money for a taxi....

For everyone else - if you see a young girl being harassed by an older man, approach them and ask if they are OK. At worst they say yep all good here.

Nothings changed since I was 16 in the mid 90s has it? Sickening. I was "blessed" with big boobs from a young age and regularly got unwanted attention like this, including when I was wearing my school uniform. Some men are just disgusting.

@AllAloneInThisHouse are you some creepy old man getting off on this thread?

I feel your pain. My DD is 14, she recently went to visit her dad who is working overseas. Due to the nature of his job they were invited to a sports visit and this was filmed and posted on a social media page. I was disgusted at the comments, nearly 400 comments from middle aged men about how beautiful my daughter is, offers of marriage and inappropriate comments. I guess that’s considered normal there, but certainly wouldn’t be here. I was so worried when she was left alone in the apartment as some comments said they had her number / what’s app etc. Id definitely say something to the men hitting on her in front of you. It angers me so much

I’ve suggested whipping out a phone and saying “taking a pic to send to the peadophile hunters”

Some men are absolutely horrendous. I'm not sure it's down to the proliferation of online porn (although that doesn't help) as it's been going on for ever.

I think as well as the self defence strategies the best way for your DD to combat it is a loud accusation of paedophilia, but I can imagine she might not want to do this

Really give up HER job because of some pervy men, Get her confident and assertive at telling them to Get lost

Oh god I hadn't even thought of the porn angle. Urgh it makes me sick.

I haven't lost my shit yet as she begs me not to. She's such a quiet girl she just wants to disappear into the background and would be mortified. But I am going to mutter nonce under my breath as I walk past.

Good tips re self defence and not mentioning her age. My heart just breaks that she needs to "toughen up" just to go to work.

Thanks for the replies - I'm sorry other people have experienced this too.

My DD was about 14 when this started happening. I got her the Everyday Sexism book by Laura Bates. Reading it helped her to get angry about it, and deal with it in a stronger way.

Shame that girls and women still have to though.

The phone is a really good idea, doubt much more will need to be said, the second anyone bothers her tell her to whip it out and start filming.

Mine so young when the man barged up to us and complimented her coat as an opener then wittered on when he left Dd turned and said “why’s he going on about my coat it’s the same one everyone else has” 😔

Mine isn’t a quiet girl but a vociferous feminist so I do worry on that front. My friends Dd is a gorgeous busty teenage lesbian she’s also super fierce feminist too. These poor girls it’s not their bloody fault they wouldn’t touch these foul men with a 10 foot pole.

Really @AllAloneInThisHouse ? This was happening in the 80s when I was a teenager.

More recently, I saw a bunch of ex public schoolboys, turned top accountants, full on flirting with a 13 yr old at a barbecue. It was disgusting. Seeing her uncomfortable, I intervened, and was told by one of them that I was jealous!!

@NancyVicious - your DD is awesome. She shouldn’t have to be in this scenario, but she is.

“Im 14. Are you a paedophile?” Was my got to as well. They will leave you alone quickly when they hear that word, especially if you say it loudly in front of a crowd.

Yes, she needs to say "I am a child, you must be a paedo" and scowl. Or "My mum and dad warned me about pervy old men like you" etc. DD stopped waitressing because of this.

Well done for intervening. I have done the same on a couple of occasions. We need to look out for all our DDs.

As for those grown men - I’d have given them all a public, humiliating bollocking and reminded them that they were old enough to be the girl’s father.

Watch the eyes of any straight male when a young girl is around….

This ^
Also

. Pretty sure unlimited porn relating to teen girls doesn’t help if you actually are a teen girl and are forever to live with the grim consequences

Excellent response, well done her 🙂👍

I would find it very hard not to lose my shit too. I understand not embarrassing her, but they have created the situation, not her. It's not her fault and they need to be told.

What a boring retort.

Eyes wide open btw.

But if any girl/woman get that much of attentions, I’m assuming she much look like (young) Priyanka Chopra or something.

Teen porn as a lot to answer for here.

It's awful for young girls to have to deal with this shit.