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Original poster

AIBU? Partner with one hell of a sexual history

127 replies

Twinboymum2010 · 02/09/2022 08:31

Hi
long story short, i have met the most wonderful man i have ever known, we are in a relationship, it is very affectionate and very loving. We have spent so much time with each other over the few short months that we have known each other
i had a very bad end to a domestic violent relationship over a decade ago and have been single since. It took me A LONG time to be in a headspace to be back in a relationship again. I put myself out there for the first time this year and i have met the most wonderful, perfect man i could have ever imagined

but there is a problem, he has one hell of a history with women, he has slept with hundreds of women (he won’t disclose the exact amount, doesn’t know the exact amount but knows it to the nearest 50 women)
in the last 8 months before me he has slept with over 40 women…
we have the best sex I’ve ever had in my life (both in our 30’s) it really is incredible, but i am a bigger girl so my confidence isn’t great, he reassures me I’m the best he’s had but of course he’s going to say that right?
my concern is that i am falling for this man HARD, i worry that I won’t be enough for him in the long run and I’m going to get hurt

does anyone else have experience with having this issue? How did you move past your partners past?

many thanks in advance

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 02/09/2022 08:35

Has he had ANY long lasting relationships? Do you want marriage and kids?.. I do think it's possible to go from being very promiscuous to faithful for the right person but I think you both really need to be on the same me page.

Have you both had STI checks? Is it agreed you're monogamous? Is he happy with the amount of sex or does he push for more? What long term conversations have you had?

felulageller · 02/09/2022 08:36

He's lying.

buzzbuzzybuzz · 02/09/2022 08:38

Its only been a few months don't introduce him to your kids if you have any. Don't get carried away and just wait and see and enjoy the sex. Or dump him and find someone with a lower sex drive.

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/09/2022 08:39

Do you believe him?

TheHideAndSeekingHill · 02/09/2022 08:41

Does this seem credible to you? More than a woman a week before he met you for example. For most men they don’t even meet a woman a week let alone have sex with her. Or is he unusual in that he’s famous/a stripper/a world traveller? Something like that.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 02/09/2022 08:41

40 partners in the 8 months before he met you? Yeah, he's lying

WimpoleHat · 02/09/2022 08:41

felulageller · 02/09/2022 08:36

He's lying.

I thought that too. He’s trying to come across as the big lothario to impress you. Unless he’s like James fucking Bond, adventuring around the world and shagging every woman in his path, “hundreds” seems very unlikely. (Although, to be fair, if he’s 40 or so, then 100 wouldn’t be ridiculous - but it’s a bit crass to talk about it.)

Deguster · 02/09/2022 08:42

Personally I would find that quite repulsive. But it’s obviously not true either.

I’d wonder what else he was lying about tbh.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 02/09/2022 08:44

Either he’s lying because he thinks you’ll be impressed by thinking he’s slept with that many women, (no idea why anyone would think anyone would be impressed by that,) or he’s telling the truth and has 0 respect for women.

Actually even if he’s lying he clearly has no respect for women and thinks this is something to be proud of.

Either way I would run for the hills and never look back.

Aus84 · 02/09/2022 09:03

I employ some guys in their early 20’s and am privy to their conversations. Tinder makes this very possible. For example, we live in a very popular tourist destination. They go out a few nights a week and match for a hook up almost every time. There are 34 weeks in 8 months…
Keep in mind, these women are on tinder for the same reason so I guess they are equally disgusting and have 0 respect for men. One of them met someone (also through tinder) about 7 months ago and they clicked. He is smitten and given up on tinder to give this relationship a go.
OP I met my husband 20 year ago long before tinder, but he had quite a long list of previous partners which would have been viewed as pretty awful at the time. He is an incredible person, extremely loyal and I trust him 150%. Everyone has a past, the only way you will find out if he is right for you is if you keep an open mind and give it a chance.

MondayMoan · 02/09/2022 09:04

I think I'd want to know if he is so wonderful out of all these women why didn't he date them for a while, why just a shag and go.

How did you meet?

Did you use protection on your first night?

Something doesn't add up. Maybe he's just a tinder shagger.

RewildingAmbridge · 02/09/2022 09:05

Honestly pre DH I had a fairly wild twenties and I'm not completely sure of exact numbers, I've been entirely faithful since we got together 13 years ago. Keep your eyes open and watch out for red flags, but having a lot of sex isn't necessarily one.

Adversity · 02/09/2022 09:07

I have been married for 25 years and have no idea how many partners my DH had. I do know he had one long term relationship before me.

He sounds dreadful and boastful and it either means he is a liar or he has had many casual hook ups and whilst that may be for some women it means he would have probably lied that he was after an actual relationship to get some in to bed.

OGLittlePickerWithTheMassiveKnickers · 02/09/2022 09:16

felulageller · 02/09/2022 08:36

He's lying.

This was my first thought too.

AngelfishDecay · 02/09/2022 09:16

If he is telling the truth - and it's a bit of a big 'if' - then the important thing here for you isn't so much his promiscuity but rather what this behaviour tells you about his attitudes towards (a) sex and (b) his sexual partners.

Promiscuous men (and women) tend to see sexual partners as dehumanised objects or solely as vehicles for their own solipsistic pleasure. For them, sex isn't about connecting profoundly with another person or expressing love, but rather getting another trophy or adding to the stats. Maybe you don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that

k1233 · 02/09/2022 09:19

One thing going for lots of partners - as you've found out they're very enjoyable - gotta learn something along the way! On top of that, no issue with them thinking they're missing out if they choose to settle down.

Do you know if you're seeing each other exclusively? That would be something to clarify. Enjoy it while it lasts is my advice!

Isittrueornot · 02/09/2022 09:19

I think his telling the truth about the 50 women, just think his lying about the time span- last 8 months, no way, more like years- his a serial cheater and play boy and he been his whole life probably.

Any long term relationships? I’d be very careful of this one!!!

Redqueenheart · 02/09/2022 09:21

That could be a red flag OP.

  • He could have problems dealing with intimacy and staying in relationships long term which is why he has so much casual sex
  • He could be a complete ''sex addict'' who uses sex to boost his ego and that means he might struggle to stay with you after the first few months.
  • He could be lying and showing off which is also really off-putting
  • This seems to be moving really fast as well and he could be a narcissist who is just ''love-bombing'' you. People who are ''perfect'' are very often just putting on an act.

If you have a history of abusive relationships I would be cautious about getting involved with someone like this. I think some dodgy men really have the ability to spot a woman who has been in an abusive relationship before and might have lower self-esteem as a result because they know she will be easier to trick...

Also make sure you ask him to get tested for STIs.

I would not get involved further with this man if I were you OP. I would take time to work on myself first and then find a healthy relationship.

Butterflysize · 02/09/2022 09:23

The falling hard bit worries me and that things seem to be getting intense quickly with someone with questionable history. Suggest you keep your cool and back off a little, see him less than he wants to, then he will show you if he is still as keen.

Crimeismymiddlename · 02/09/2022 09:23

I would be more worried that he lying. Personally I find it suspicious that he has felt the need to tell you alll this. He knows you are insecure and this will feed it. Also, he could have paid for it which is a 100 times worse.

Choconut · 02/09/2022 09:24

Why didn't he have a relationship with any of those 40 women? What's different about you (in the nicest possible way!)? What's his relationship history? Has he had other long term relationships?

I'd say red flags ahoy, if you're going to stick around then take it very slowly and read up on narcissists just in case.

beastlyslumber · 02/09/2022 09:25

Red flags:

If he's telling the truth, then clearly he has problems with commitment. Is he a sex addict? A narcissist? Was he really not interested in any woman for more than sex? Did he tell them the same thing he's now telling you?

If he's lying, then he's a liar. Does he want to make you feel insecure? At the very least, he's letting you know he disrespects women and he has no problem lying to them.

Whether he's being honest or lying, I would say throw this one back, OP.

CostaLotta22 · 02/09/2022 09:25

How old is he? Has he been in a long term relationship before?

It doesn’t sound like he is going to be around for very long. Does that bother you?

Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 02/09/2022 09:26

He has, he came out of a 3 year relationship end of last year so in his words went on a bender and basically fucked anything that moved
Both want marriage, i have children already, he has no desire to have biological children of his own due to being adopted himself.

We have both been checked for sti’s
Had the chat about being exclusive very early on because I’m not one to sleep around
We are both happy with the amount of sex
Long term conversations we have spoken about us both wanting to get married/move in together etc

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 02/09/2022 09:28

so why discuss it? Did you ask or did he bring it up?

I had a 'colourful' early 20''s. Now been with DH 11 years, we've never discussed numbers or past, we each know the other has one but I have no desire to know any more than that.

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