Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU? Partner with one hell of a sexual history

127 replies

Twinboymum2010 · 02/09/2022 08:31

Hi
long story short, i have met the most wonderful man i have ever known, we are in a relationship, it is very affectionate and very loving. We have spent so much time with each other over the few short months that we have known each other
i had a very bad end to a domestic violent relationship over a decade ago and have been single since. It took me A LONG time to be in a headspace to be back in a relationship again. I put myself out there for the first time this year and i have met the most wonderful, perfect man i could have ever imagined

but there is a problem, he has one hell of a history with women, he has slept with hundreds of women (he won’t disclose the exact amount, doesn’t know the exact amount but knows it to the nearest 50 women)
in the last 8 months before me he has slept with over 40 women…
we have the best sex I’ve ever had in my life (both in our 30’s) it really is incredible, but i am a bigger girl so my confidence isn’t great, he reassures me I’m the best he’s had but of course he’s going to say that right?
my concern is that i am falling for this man HARD, i worry that I won’t be enough for him in the long run and I’m going to get hurt

does anyone else have experience with having this issue? How did you move past your partners past?

many thanks in advance

OP posts:
Meseekslookatme · 02/09/2022 12:07

I'm female, I went on a bender when my last relationship ended.
No idea how many guys I slept with.
Now happy and in love, it's behind me.
I have no regrets.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 02/09/2022 12:16

Clymene · 02/09/2022 11:57

Why the hell have your children met him? ShockShock You've only known him a few months.

I'm done with this thread. I'm so sick of women who don't safeguard their own children.

I had only read the first post when I replied but I agree.

few short months they have been together, the kids shouldn't have met him yet.

EmmaH2022 · 02/09/2022 12:19

Twinboymum2010 · 02/09/2022 11:46

I think that’s the thing. This seems to be his only flaw that is giving me the ick

he is kind, thoughtful, loving, my kids get on with him like a house on fire. He plays me the piano, he’s taken me to his work event
he is extremely affectionate. He cooks me dinner, wakes up before me to tidy the house (even when he’s at mine) I’ve met his parents who were lovely. He brings me cups of tea in bed, ubereats coffee to my office, i could honestly go on and on

im a massive overthinking so maybe I’m just trying to find flaws?

Did he ask you first if it's okay to turn up at your office?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2022 12:20

He sounds grim as fuck. Hard pass.

KhaleesiDothraki · 02/09/2022 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Previously banned poster - this has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

chinuptitsoutonwards · 02/09/2022 12:26

Deguster · 02/09/2022 08:42

Personally I would find that quite repulsive. But it’s obviously not true either.

I’d wonder what else he was lying about tbh.

This.

8 months averages out to about 1.5 a week. Where was he finding all these women or has he just had sex that many times? Regardless it's strange he's counted.

excitingusername · 02/09/2022 12:27

I wouldn't go anywhere near a man like that. I like mine to be exclusive.

SpacePotato · 02/09/2022 12:28

Love bombing doesn't have to be saying 'I love you'

Heartsearch · 02/09/2022 12:36

chinuptitsoutonwards · 02/09/2022 12:26

This.

8 months averages out to about 1.5 a week. Where was he finding all these women or has he just had sex that many times? Regardless it's strange he's counted.

Show quote history

If he’s an attractive, eligible bloke he’ll have lots of offers on OLD. And if he’s been “multi dating” (with no firm promises of commitment) in a populous area, it’s quite feasible he could sleep with one or two a week. Being in his thirties he could probably appeal to more footloose 20-somethings and older recently separated women going on their own “benders” too. It’s feasible - but, again, in my experience only likely if he’s a very attractive, highly eligible guy.

That, or he met a lot of escorts.

IrisVersicolor · 02/09/2022 12:37

If he lives in a city and on tinder and sex hook up apps then it’s perfectly possible. He may have paid too for all we know.

I don’t see why he would lie about something that’s not going to be a positive for some people.

Your bar is set quite low OP, last relationship was abusive and you’ve been single a while. I would enjoy the sex without getting involved emotionally and if you can’t do that then rethink the whole thing. It’s too late to say don’t introduce him to your kids.

IrisVersicolor · 02/09/2022 12:38

@Heartsearch xpost - snap.

DeclineandFall · 02/09/2022 12:40

Telling you all this is a red flag. Why is he telling you? To impress you? To make you feel more special? It really shouldn't. It is subtly negging, putting you on the back foot- worrying about whether he is so attrractive and good at sex he can just go off and fuck someone else. You said it yourself
i worry that I won’t be enough for him in the long run and I’m going to get hurt
It's so ludicrously immature.

DeclineandFall · 02/09/2022 12:40

Him not you that is.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 02/09/2022 12:47

Glad to hear about sti tests. Do not let him move in until at least a year of knowing him .I’m sorry but I think he’s a liar or a scum bag. 🚩

Pawtucketbrew · 02/09/2022 12:47

This to me screams love bombing and I've experienced it. Seemed like the perfect (no one is though) man for the first few months then turned out that be a sex addict and cheat six months in. And why in the world you'd introduce your DC to him after a few months I can't fathom. Slow down completely and take stock.

perimenofertility · 02/09/2022 12:54

I don't think I could be in a relationship and having sex with someone who had had sex with that many people.
And as I type that I'm not completely sure why, but it just gives me the ick.

Mybeautifulfriend22 · 02/09/2022 12:56

Wouldn’t impress me true or not. That’s extreme but each to their own I guess.

Weve never really discussed ‘numbers’ never felt a need.

User2145738790 · 02/09/2022 12:59

Wonder if this is a reverse and it's actually the woman that's slept with 100s of men.

MadeForThis · 02/09/2022 13:06

Do you know what his relationship history was like? Not the random sex, his ex and the reasons for the split?

Rewis · 02/09/2022 13:13

I don't have perosanl experience but would it help to count it differently. Like 40 women in 8 months is sex once a week. Someone in a relationship before meeting you would have had it 5x more. So change the women into times.

Amount of sexual partners on its own is not an indication of anything. Its more about if he was faithful when in a relationship and that if it was something deeper than just enoyjng sex, he's worked through it.

I don't have perosnal experience but my best firends husband has had over hundreds partners. When he was younger they mad e abet with some mates to see who could get 100 women in a year. Completely immature but it's not a reflection kn his ability to be in a relationship.

Rewis · 02/09/2022 13:18

chinuptitsoutonwards · 02/09/2022 12:26

This.

8 months averages out to about 1.5 a week. Where was he finding all these women or has he just had sex that many times? Regardless it's strange he's counted.

Show quote history

Quite easy. If you live in a bigger city and are decent looking. Just send "DTF?" To a few women on Tinder and you'll have company within an hour. Also, going to a club. A decent looking dude that's not too picky will most definitely score.

MissingNashville · 02/09/2022 13:18

Twins! How lovely.

SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 13:20

This would put me off as it shows a lack of self respect to literally shag anyone.

My best friend is a man and was on a site for people looking for no strings attached sex.
I have no issue with that but many people on these sites are often less than desirable (not just looks).

Honestly some of them (both men and women) are pretty vile and I don’t know who would have sex with them.
The ones that are half decent have everyone’s attention and there is a lot of competition for them.

It is highly likely for this man to have slept with so many that he would have slept with the less desirable ones.

That would definitely put me off as I like my men to have some standards.

However, I wouldn’t judge you for staying with him if he’s a nice guy.

OldFan · 02/09/2022 14:20

He's lying.

@felulageller Most people (if they're after a serious relationship) will if anything lie and say they've had less rather than more lovers, as it sounds better to their date.

EmmaH2022 · 02/09/2022 18:25

OldFan · 02/09/2022 14:20

He's lying.

@felulageller Most people (if they're after a serious relationship) will if anything lie and say they've had less rather than more lovers, as it sounds better to their date.

I thought this was a bit odd, seeing that number in 8 months as a selling point.