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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

CF Acquaintance turned up today despite refusing invite

910 replies

Grumpusaurus · 02/09/2022 01:04

We live in a popular tourist destination and after numerous people took advantage of us, we nip it in the bud now. Most seem to follow the same script by contacting us out of the blue and mentioning that it would be so lovely to see us. I now answer in a very friendly manner that it has been years since we last heard from them and it would indeed be lovely to catch up over coffee in a nearby spot when they are in the area. This does tend to put an end to most of those potential CFs, however, one acquaintance pushed back and asked to stay with us at the beginning of September. I told her that this would not be possible, especially as we have a very tight deadline and will be working flat out to finish a commission. DH and I are self-employed craftspeople and sometimes we do work all day and most of the night to finish pieces and the DC stay at their grandparents during that last push. Not heard back from the acquaintance since July even though she clearly read my WhatsApp message.

The doorbell went this evening, I ignored it as DH and I were in the middle of working on our commission but someone kept pushing the bell. Our property is an L-shape so you can see from our workshop who is at the front door. CF acquaintance was standing there with a suitcase! DH is more of a people pleaser and while really cheesed off was about to answer the door till I told him no bloody way! He redeemed himself by immediately agreeing. The bell went a few more times and then got a flurry of WhatsApp messages, which I ignored. She eventually left after half an hour. I am almost bemused by the cheek of it but there is no way I am going to let anyone railroad me into being their free accommodation and greatly inconveniencing us, especially while we literally get up to work all hours and fall into bed. DH is fretting about her coming back but I told that we will just continue to ignore the doorbell. We have a back gate to a dirt track we can stealth like leave the property if she is holding a siege at the front door 😎 There are plenty of hotels and B&Bs in the area, albeit quite dear. Who does that! A rhetorical question but am just shocked by the cheek of just turning up after saying emphatically No!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
PeterPomegranate · 02/09/2022 07:32

Zonder · 02/09/2022 06:57

I'd open the messages now and if they say something like I'm here to stay, respond with "whaaaat? But we told you we were super busy. Have only just had time to open the messages. Hope you got somewhere good to stay - ok back to work x"

I think this is the plan I’d go with. Otherwise there will be the uncertainty of her keeping on turning up.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 02/09/2022 07:35

Sling · 02/09/2022 01:51

I just want to know what kind of craft/art you do? But then I guess its outing but I have an image of you and your DH constructing boulder sized sculptures with small chisels....

So do I. Then they finish them in the living room and suddenly realise they won't fit through the door.

stuntbubbles · 02/09/2022 07:37

I wouldn’t reply to her messages yet. You’re busy. Leave them on read until your deadline has passed. Then read and reply.

sundayvibeswig22 · 02/09/2022 07:38

I would've opened the door as our dog would've been barking non stop and I couldn't stick that! I'd have opened the door a bit, said 'I'm right in the middle of something, but text me when you're settled in your hotel and I'll come meet you for a coffee'.

GetThatHelmetOn · 02/09/2022 07:38

NewIdeasToday · 02/09/2022 01:10

Why didn’t you just open the door and explain the situation though? Surely that would remove all the drama and allow yin to be clear about the position??

Because she did that already on the phone and the CF didn’t care?

PaceyWitter · 02/09/2022 07:40

Trying to think the best - perhaps she had accommodation booked but was just popping by for a cuppa and a chat on her way to it?

Swannning · 02/09/2022 07:41

OMG the bloody cheek of it! Well done OP on ignoring them, undoubtedly they would have tried to come in for a 'few mins' that would have become a few days.

Also, I've heard that if you put on airplane mode you can read messages, close whatsapp then return to normal and the message doesn't show as having been read.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 02/09/2022 07:42

Wow now that is extremely cheeky. What a stupid woman. 😂

Pamlar · 02/09/2022 07:44

Love that you ignored them -and for half an hour too! That can't have been easy.

Would a small hint at what it is you make?

bert3400 · 02/09/2022 07:49

You are my hero OP, we are now in year 3 of living in a 'hot' tourist area (abroad) . I am finally putting in some boundaries for CF who stay for weeks and contribute nothing but washing and mess.

Glittertwins · 02/09/2022 07:56

PaceyWitter · 02/09/2022 07:40

Trying to think the best - perhaps she had accommodation booked but was just popping by for a cuppa and a chat on her way to it?

Very charitable there but considering she turned up early evening she would have been able to have checked into any accommodation and left the suitcase behind surely!

OurChristmasMiracle · 02/09/2022 07:57

I would be very tempted to open the message and say “but I was very clear that it would not be possible for you to stay with us back in July- that hasn’t changed. Hope you sort something out”.

do not answer the door today either to her!!

mairerua · 02/09/2022 07:58

Haha, well done you. you might give us some lessons.

NaturalBae · 02/09/2022 08:01

OP doesn’t have time to meet for coffee. OP already stated that she and her DH will be busy working on a commission and declined her visit two months ago on that basis. The unwelcome visitor subsequently made no effort to make any further contact until they unexpectedly turned up at their home with suitcase in tow last night and banged down the front door for 30 mins!

Zofloraqueen27 · 02/09/2022 08:05

Far better to have ignored her knocking on your door - you were absolutely right to do this. I have no doubt by next week you would have started another thread on how to get rid of an unwanted visitor. She might have stayed in the house getting in your way, asking what is for breakfast and can you find me a better duvet etc etc. Your work plans would have been totally disrupted when she said “I’ll just sit and watch you make fascinating things before you make lunch”……

As a wise old lady once said to me (I am a terrible people pleaser and can never say NO, no matter how inconvenient it is). “ Don’t ever start anything you can’t see the end of”. Well done you.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 02/09/2022 08:08

Wow! Some people really don’t get it. Looking forward to updates!

bringbackveronicamars · 02/09/2022 08:14

Wow!

Bet she tries to come back today and railroad you, probably claiming she had to sleep in her car.

Don't cave!

ZekeZeke · 02/09/2022 08:15

€50 she will be back today

Penguinsaregreat · 02/09/2022 08:17

Well done op.
I’m imagining you working with reclaimed driftwood and oil paint. Lots of yellow and turquoise.All in your airy studio.

Chakraleaf · 02/09/2022 08:18

Really want to know what the WhatsApp said.

Anon50000 · 02/09/2022 08:20

Hurry back and update us OP. I've dusted off my pom poms.

ABitWooInnit · 02/09/2022 08:22

Did you read the messages yet?

Wetblanket78 · 02/09/2022 08:24

What a cheek just turning up with her case like she's ready to check into a hotel. 😱🙄🤔

BlackCoffeeAndToast · 02/09/2022 08:25

I hope you had an amazing night's sleep, warm and comfy, surrounded by your strong boundaries.

Tillsforthrills · 02/09/2022 08:26

Sling · 02/09/2022 01:51

I just want to know what kind of craft/art you do? But then I guess its outing but I have an image of you and your DH constructing boulder sized sculptures with small chisels....

Same here