Bl0ody ghosted :-(

[Cherrycokefiend]

Can’t quite believe I’m writing this. But met a man (43) on OLD a month ago. Instant chemistry, lots of flirting, took me out for my birthday and said all the right things. He called throughout the week and was actively pursuing me and making arrangements.

Niggly feelings were telling me that he was rather bitter about a ‘witch’ of an ex wife amongst other things so I was cautiously optimistic and not getting too excited. He was highly attractive if not a little ‘wounded’. Ex forces if that’s relevant.

We spent the weekend together last week - him driving an hour to my place. He insisted I head to his in the evening so he could cook. He did. I left first thing in the morning and….

I’ve not heard from him since.

Total crickets.

I’m a big girl in my thirties and haven’t and will definitely not be reaching out. But frankly I feel sick that a 43-year-old man could pull this. Ok after a couple of dates (even though that’s not great) but after having a level of intimacy? I’m shell shocked, even despite my reservations about the bloke.

I know it’s not me it’s him yada yada yada but honestly I feel sick and shaken by this. I know in my gut I won’t hear from him again. And by this stage I don’t want to.

Can anyone help me feel remotely ok again about this? Need some viper treatment.

Exactly what @Sandra1984 says.

OP you just didn’t know him. A month’s nothing.

There’s no way on god’s earth I would have called him either. You know when something is not right/off.

Basically he’s a coward or a user - probably both.

In future, take your time, don’t rush into bed with anyone. Go out with lot’s of guys if you can and be choosy.

Last point, always trust your instincts. The ugly comment he said about his ex-wife was a huge red-flag.

Fair enough. I get that too.

It’s what I would do rather than sit forever in what, to me, would feel like a Mexican Stand-Off.

It would give ME closure and I’d get a little bit of satisfaction out of the damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t situation HE put himself in by ghosting in the first place.

@DatingDinosaur I admire your balls! I don't have them to send a message like that, because I believe silence is a response.

I'm choosing silence over requiring an explanation because I know it won't do any good. It certainly wouldn't make me feel better.

And regardless of what some posters think on here, I definitely didn't ghost him. This thread has been really eye opening. I wasn't expecting such a backlash!

I do not think that is what she is getting at.

You are rightly so entirely reactional to the abuse that has happened to you. The way I interpret Sandra1984s post is that even feeling someone is capable of basic human decency after such a short space of time of knowing them is madness as you have no idea what you are dealing with.

You are projecting your own integrity and decency on a man you know very little about. Some of them treat their wives like this after 20 years and it comes as a surprise.

My ex partner ghosted me after 5 years and child together. It was horribly confusing but that was 7 years ago the best thing that could have happened. I didn’t know after years and deep deep intimacy.

Your backlash does not surprise me in the slightest from the comments I have read on various threads OP.

He didn’t ghost you either. You’ve made that up, for reasons unknown.

I reckon he picked up your discomfort when he started slagging off his ex OP. However subtle I bet you gave off vibes even if they were mainly you being a bit surprised at his tone etc. He saw the date through and likely enjoyed it but knows he’s beat and you won’t stand for shit.
You definitely dodged a bullet - mainly as he’s a coward who knows he met someone better than him.
You should have your head high on this one and also congratulate yourself for having top ‘gut’ feelings and know you can trust them again.

Emotional "retard"????

Usually best not to include unpleasant slurs in any text, even if the bloke is being an arse.

Hmmmm...... love to hear his side of it🤔

And regardless of what some posters think on here, I definitely didn't ghost him.

So you did message him?

You say you weren’t going to message him
and he’s ghosting you for not messaging you.

But now you say you didn’t ghost him so that means you must have messaged him.

Dating should not be this difficult and I think your game playing is the reason why he’s had enough.

Wow, that’s quite a nasty passive aggressive message. If I’m dating a guy and he sends me that message I would think “self entitled bunny boiler” and block him right away.

Scary.

Specially the “emotionally retard” part 😮

I think you should contact him....try and get back together because the 2 of you would be doing 2 other people a favour by being with each other...

Haven’t you technically ghosted him too? You haven’t reached out after he hosted you for a weekend, he could be thinking you’ve ghosted him?

I would send a quick message just asking how he is and saying you had a nice weekend, otherwise he could literally be thinking the exact same thing as you and you’re both just playing silly games.

Before anyone says “you obviously don’t know anything about online dating, it doesn’t work like that” I met my wife and my previous two partners before her through online dating, so I’m quite familiar with it, I just don’t see the need for silly games, if you message him you will get your answer one way or another.

Honestly some of these replies!

We tell women to trust their gut; the OP said she felt the shift when she left at the weekend. She didn’t message him and said she knew she wouldn’t hear from him again.

So here we have a woman who has trusted her gut feeling, respected her boundaries and NOT text this guy and she’s in the wrong?

Fuck my life. Some of you have never done OLD and it shows.

@YoSofi PREAACH

@Elsiebear90 One last time: I'm not contacting him.

@Smilingwithfangs thank you, that's such an interesting take. I definitely have a leaky face and don't hide my reactions well. I think he may have sensed that I was less-than impressed with his comments.

@Cherrycokefiend I find it so irritating when people advise to contact him when you said you wouldn't. He's probably diaspore red in the ether for good but should he reappear in a few weeks/months just don't answer.

Go back online today to distract your mind from him? It's all part of the process unfortunately

Lol @DanielTheGhostGangbanger @Sandra1984

I, personally, just couldn’t “ghost the ghoster” so to speak, I’d have to say something / have my say / get it off my chest.

Point taken about the "retard" comment though.

@Cherrycokefiend Ultimately, you've got to do what feels right for you and find a way of moving forward from this in a positive way - for YOU. You know in your heart of hearts whether or not you've been ghosted and if not making contact with him is what works for you to move forward from this in a positive way then that's great.

Man doesn't contact OP within 72 hours of her leaving his bed/home = Woe, he's ghosted me!

OP doesn't contact Man within 72 hours of her leaving his bed/home = Of course not, why would I?

The absolute state of a grown woman who wants to communicate with someone not just picking up her handy personal communication device and contacting them! (Sorry, OP, but honestly.)

@Stravaig to be clear, referring to me as a 'state' says far, far more about you than it does me.

I don't contact men first in the dating stage. I'm not explaining my reasons here and I won't be stating this again.

Some of the comments on here are just vile, especially when posted in the knowledge that OP is hurting.

What is wrong with this site, it's so toxic?!

@humdedum Right? I'm so grateful to people who have been constructive or supportive rather than attacking me for not sending a frigging text first. People have made up some really wild interpretations of me. Oh and I'm rude!

Good job I have a sense of humour. Was just trying to find solidarity in the face of something hurtful. Thankfully there are diamonds amongst you.