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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want to leave him but with a great parting shot!

131 replies

anewlifeforme22 · 27/08/2022 19:38

Hi, first time poster so please bear with me.
Long story short, my DH had an affair starting 3 yrs ago, said the usual when I found out, promised no contact, blah blah, I gave him another chance. Then I found out he was contacting her again, so stupidly I gave him yet another chance but made it very clear what it would do to me and I'd leave him. I even gave him an out and said if he can't stay away then leave me now and I'll let them get on with it because I couldn't bear being lied to again.

Anyway, a year later, guess what, they are in contact, and doing god knows what else. Well I know what else, without going into detail, he's left obvious signs!! He obviously doesn't love me, I have to accept that, so I'm biding my time and will confront him soon. I'm devastated, we've been together since teenagers and we're now in our 40s. I know he is to blame much more than the little tart, after all, he is the one who is married, and although I have intense feelings of hate towards her, I'm not even going to acknowledge her. This is on him

So, I keep flitting between being devastated and being soooo angry at the way he's treating me, like I'm nothing. When I confront him, I want to leave him with a damn good parting shot that will make him really think. It might sound stupid, but it'll make me feel better. Any ideas? I want to make him feel stupid and ashamed of his actions, and I always think of what to say when it's too late!!

So, ladies (and any decent gents) hit me with your best please x

OP posts:
Alfixnm · 27/08/2022 19:40

Don't they say "the best revenge is to live well"? Let him see how happy you are now that you're free. Basically just don't fall apart over him. That's the best revenge

RandomMess · 27/08/2022 19:49

Have you the best local solicitor lined up, all the finances?

Basically I would serve him divorce papers based on adultery naming her. Ensure you have proof of the current infidelity.

I wonder if he has been waiting for them I fault divorce to come in?

stillvicarinatutu · 27/08/2022 19:51

Say nothing and serve him with divorce papers for adultery along with whatever evidence you have .

McConkeysPlate · 27/08/2022 19:53

Divorce Papers, like Dirty Den.

Tiny2018 · 27/08/2022 19:55

Shag his best mate, always works a treat lol.

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/08/2022 19:56

Nothing will affect him if the thought of losing you hasn't. He simply doesn't care enough. Icy calm, end it, life a great and happy life.

Original poster
anewlifeforme22 · 27/08/2022 19:57

Thanks for the replies. He's not the man I married at all anymore. I have a feeling he wants to leave but is scared to make the jump because materialistically his life won't be as good with her. He's basically a weak man and a coward.

And yes I agree that living my best life is the way to go but I just wanted to leave him with something to think about.

Do you know, I often wondered what she has that I don't. Well I can answer that now - a lying cheating partner 🤣

OP posts:
Softplayhooray · 27/08/2022 19:59

OP, silence is the biggest F* YOU there is..just tell him you're leaving because he is a cheating dog and then go, block him on everything and never look back.

Olsi109 · 27/08/2022 20:20

The divorce papers. Any events coming up? Either of your birthdays? Anniversary? Where you could present them over a nice meal that he's going to pay for?

Do you have children OP?

5128gap · 27/08/2022 20:21

My friends was:
'Well that was disappointing. But I suppose at least I had the best of you when you were young and fit. I won't begrudge some unfortunate other woman the dregs of what's left.'

Original poster
anewlifeforme22 · 27/08/2022 20:24

@Olsi109 yes we have 3 teenagers, one already left home.
And yet he talks about our future together etc, and when the topic of HER comes up, he always puts her down. Guess all that was to throw me off the scent....

OP posts:
Original poster
anewlifeforme22 · 27/08/2022 20:25

@5128gap I like that, and thing is in my case it's probably true!

OP posts:
Original poster
anewlifeforme22 · 27/08/2022 21:27

@Tiny2018 the little devil in me would love to do that but unfortunately revenge sex just isn't me. And I know he'd hate that, because even though I know he doesn't love me (not the way I want to be loved anyway), he'd hate it if someone else came on the scene. Kind of like I don't want you but I don't want anyone to want you either.

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 27/08/2022 21:30

There really is nothing you can say that will make him think. Revenge is a cheap fleating feeling. Stop giving him any more of your head space. Just get on with divorcing him.

Fancydancer1934 · 27/08/2022 21:33

I felt like that about my exh. In the end this is about YOU and not HIM. I swore I would break him but you know what? Once I'd gone what he did/felt/ thought was of no matter.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2022 21:36

You're being ridiculous. There isn't a parting shot in the world he would give a shit about. You'll only serve to make yourself look foolish and desperate. Kick him out a serve him with divorce papers.

MrsLeBouef · 27/08/2022 21:40

Nothing you can say will have any effect on him as he has rewritten his life. He has convinced himself you are the one at fault and he is blameless. Just get the papers done, get what you are due and move on to a lovely new life. Use your thoughts for working out your plans.

Qik · 27/08/2022 21:42

Focus on your kids. Make your relationship with them the most important thing you do. He won’t, so there is your answer.

Play the long game and don’t look for revenge now. He has sown the seeds of his downfall.

Within 7 years he will be knocking on your door. Guaranteed.

Qik · 27/08/2022 21:43

When he knocks, you will have moved on. It’s quite powerful.

Play this game.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 27/08/2022 21:43

When I moved out of the marital home I emptied a vast selection of red wine bottles and replaced with Ribena.. Was quite satisfying..

Roundthetwistyroad · 27/08/2022 21:44

Be happy, ignore him and move on with grace is better than any form of revenge. The latter just demeans you so don't do it.

PinaColadaSunset · 27/08/2022 21:45

My friend went through similar with a husband who had always wanted a peaceful life of comfort and was going to exchange that for a whole load of drama… she said

“What drama! It’s yours to keep. Enjoy it”.

However I think silence is often the best way forward. Smile sweetly, stay quiet and make him wonder what you’re planning / thinking… They expect anger and tears so give them exactly the opposite…..

LondonWolf · 27/08/2022 21:46

I wouldn't say a word. Just leave. Just don't be there. Never speak to him again except about children.

And yes, I was cheated on and ended my marriage over it. I wish I had done the above. Instead it dragged on for years with constant vicious text battles. Cringe thinking about it now.

happinessischocolate · 27/08/2022 21:47

Dignity, head held high and silence are the best parting shots. Make him think you no longer care.

Do you intend to stay in the house with the kids and ask him to leave?

endofthelinefinally · 27/08/2022 21:50

Get your ducks in a row. Read the other threads on here and make sure you find and copy every single piece of legal and financial information before you give him any clue. Then get legal advice, taking all the information with you.