What’s the point in sex?

[Ap1980]

I’m a man, so clearly not a stereotypical one. I don’t actually see the point in sex, I never really have done, other than conceiving. Always been one of those “expected” parts of a relationship but I can quite easily go without it, and have done happily… in a few relationships.

im married, have been for 12 years, we don’t have sex very often, in fact haven’t for over a year, and probably three times since our second child was born, 5 years ago.

Never been the most sexual person, could probably say similar of my wife too, the definition of sexless fits us down to a tee, well less than 10 times a year for about 10 years.
I love my wife too, our relationship is amazing, but prefer the cuddles and kisses over sex.

im surely not the only one who feels like this, is this wrong?

Whilst I’m sure the intention of this is to defend a sexless relationship as perfectly normal, many asexual (and neurodiverse) people also dislike kissing, physical touch, and bed sharing; but would still consider themselves to be in a relationship.

I’m not sure why so defensive. Friendship isn’t a “lesser” relationship. Nobody is saying that if you don’t have sex, you can’t properly love each other: there are a handful of people in my life who I don’t have sex with who I love with an affection unspeakable no different to that I feel for my husband, who I do have sex with. It’s not a different love.

Most married people (shagging or not) don't have quite the degree of active involvement in their friend's lives as they do with their spouse. It'd be impossible really.

For instance doing stuff for them, attending appointments etc etc.

@ZombieLIfe

It’s not cynical view.
It’s just realism.
Not my fault that it made you uncomfortable.

You didn’t make me feel better uncomfortable and I in no way intimated that you did. What an odd comment for you to make! A strange mix of attacking and defensive. Odd!

I stated I think the view you expressed is cynical.

You are entitled to your view and to mine.

if you feel the need to react so oddly when people express a different view from yours, perhaps posting on discussion forums isn’t for you.

I hope so because I feel like that!

I feel like that too. I’ve always wondered what a high sex drive must feel like because I just never have any feelings where I must have sex to satisfy those feelings. I can take it or leave it and as I get older, I can leave it more and more.

I don’t know what that rant was about.
Talk about strange. And what a weird, condescending rant at that.

I’ll post if I want, all I said that my view isin’t cynical, I’m tired women been called that if they don’t pander to men.

It’s better that women are realistic, less hurt that way.

It was about your odd comment ‘not my fault if it made you feel uncomfortable’. Even though I’d never referred to anything like that.

HTH

Well been a little over a week and there’s been some interesting responses. Good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, even though at times it has felt like a failure as a man type thing, based on the expectation of men etc.

Although I always have been this way I think, even my first time was much later than my friends etc, and I wouldn’t exactly say it was great, wow let’s do it again. It just didn’t feel as I expected, or as others describe it.

Spent a good week looking at the AVEN site and there’s a lot of parallels there, maybe more to explore regarding asexuality but there’s definitely more yes than no descriptions etc. I guess it’s all a finding out experience and making your own conclusions, although the seeming lack of medical verification allows that to be the case.

I am asexual based on that

I don’t really understand the question “what’s the point of sex (beyond procreation). The answer is obvious. Physical sexual pleasure. That’s the point. And with that often comes intimacy and connection.

So if that answer to the question asked isn’t satisfactory then I don’t know what else to say really.

Have you ever been to the doctors to get your hormone levels checked ? Have you considered that you just may not be producing the hormone that gives you a sex drive and you may not be asexual atall.

I feel like that too. I’ve always wondered what a high sex drive must feel like because I just never have any feelings where I must have sex to satisfy those feelings.

@Malad I have bipolar so I've experienced a ridiculous sex drive a couple of times, but some people have it all the time. I've heard it described as 'like an itch you can't scratch.'

@noclothesinbed Some people are just like that and their hormones etc are normal, especially if OP's had it for most of his life. But I suppose there's no harm in getting it checked out @Ap1980 .

I feel a bit like the PP who said they were done with sex in the same way they're done with clubbing! Very occasionally I do really want sex with DH and it can be fantastic. But even on those occasions I think I'd have been just as happy curling up with him to watch a good film.

Nope, never been to doctors about it. But to be honest, it isn’t something that’s really only started recently, or on the last x amount of years etc. I’ve always been the same, multiple relationships etc. I remember one early relationship being asked why we don’t have sex very often, and not really having an answer for it. That’s not really changed now, some 20 years later.