Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@GoldenMirror
I want to be adored too - I'm fed up of putting in all the effort. But I don't want to be adored too much because then I'll feel suffocated...

Hi, checking in. Thank you Sorting for the new thread. This one has rattled along quickly !
I just Googled ‘ does deleting a dating app remove a profile?’ and the answer was no. Is it too late @Stayingstrongish to feign a little innocence and ask the question as if you are double checking whether your own profile is hidden/gone? .. “ ooh Mr ? what did you do when you got rid of your profile? I want to make sure mine isn’t visible”
Like with most things someone honest who is invested in you will want to reassure and if a question like this is off putting then that says a lot about him and his view of you/the relationship. I’m useless at sitting with a doubt niggling away.

I agree with @Daisysunset about being adored too much and feeling suffocated.
I saw Mr A last night and he took me to this lovely hip place for dinner. He’s very hip too and I’m a bit more traditional. It was absolutely lovely. He’s a total gent and feels very honest but way too keen!!! I found him younger looking and even fitter than in pics. He kissed my head constantly while waiting for my Uber home in a really lovely way. There was a quick peck on lips before leaving and I thought…OMG…I’m seeing him again
However…I’m seeing Mr O tonight and getting stressed about the “I love you” and urgency MrEx had to find a slot where I could be free to see him.
Im fucking worried…I have no idea what’s going on. I normally have a lot of control but I want to see Mr A again, I’m looking forward to seeing Mr O tonight and I still know I will have fab lunch with Mr Ex.
Maybe I can’t commit to anyone and I’m just loving having great time with lovely men but I’m not happy to fall in love with anyone??
I think I will know a bit more after meeting the elusive Mr O… but I doubt I will drop Mr A right now…it’s way too perfect
@SideshowAuntSally …I’ve been in your position and totally understand you. We try to feel ok by not admitting to ourselves we are NOT his main interest when he’s our main interest. My MrEx has become the fallback guy now…I have other interests and I fill my diary first with other people and family bits…he needs to find slot now or wait weeks to see me. I now understand everything without reading the book. I was in love crazy before and he too but I was not his main issue for many reasons. I justified him constantly. Time has reversed our position now. He’s a welcome familiar adoring man who treats me like a Queen every so and so and with whom I relax completely. Do I believe the “I love yous”? I do but I can’t say them back honestly. I’m not a man but I totally get the fallback position and the Mr Unavailable. I’m Mrs unavailable to him
Worsy …get yourself whatever works for you. Don’t think too much but do not change tack middle of the way perhaps? If it’s a FB that’s what he is and nothing develops, if he’s a FWB…same…you know that I personally can’t play this game. I want a proper relationship ( but not a husband!!!).
@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I agree with you re MrNice. The moment I go steady properly with someone I will delete and I will trust the other person to be honest. Mr Nice has all his diary shared with his commitments and with you. He’s totally and 100% on your side
@ButterflyOfShay …it’s difficult to differentiate a good mate from a lover when no one else is fully in the picture. I love your posts about Mr Serb. I don’t see anything remotely harmful in any of your going ons and you just never know what the future brings. Stay 😊 lovely

@Mila14 this is a fab update! Stay calm… enjoy the attention from lovely men treating you as you deserve. In time you may naturally float away from MrEx and don’t forget he might be saying the ILYs as he senses you drifting forwards and out of his reach.

I’m so pleased you had a good time with MrA <championing the virtues of all nice men now, clearly 😬> I don’t think there’s anything wrong with keen as long as they’re busy and boundaried and you like them too.

Thank you re MrN - he sent over dates this morning so now we’re all booked in till end of October.. also gives me a small amount of wiggle room for seeing MrM if I still want to.. feeling calm and content and this is a good thing ❤️

Great stuff… all booked till October 😝

Mila14

I like the sound of all of them
Mr Ex is , interesting 🤔
don’t let him mess anything up !!! I agree he might sense and sniff you are with others

im doing jack shit right now
I’ve booked to see friend and family and then off to get my kids next week

I did fuck up my no contact and message Balkan 🙈 but given he’s blocked me back and harder! I think and hope he will be sensible and not reply as we are two codependent mother fuckers

I might however meet the 23 year old
I know it’s totally wrong but he’s the only one I don’t hate and havnt deleted or blocked

ibelieveinmirrorballs

calm and content is good
and a state i aspire too

Stayingstrongish

agree you have to ask

my profile is frozen on hinge and I still can get messages so it could be something and could be nothing

its been a while now and it’s a totally reasonable thing to ask about and state expectations

I did fuck up my no contact and message Balkan 🙈 but given he’s blocked me back and harder! I think and hope he will be sensible and not reply as we are two codependent mother fuckers
no problem whatsoever…we don’t make a big deal of rules of contact and no contact. Whatever feels ok is fine I think. I don’t like it when we force ourselves to do this or that to keep head high. We do what feels right at that moment.
I have no doubt Balkan will be back but as I said to you…see Balkan as fallback guy ( he was always a FWB, so effectively what it says on the tin) and keep dating in search of what you really want. Just don’t fall in love with the fucker…

hello everyone! Fabulous to read about what you have all been up to! Am flighting the urge to run away, as its week 5 of the summer school hols and I have had the tweens 24/7 all that time, and Lord am I Drained

..Flighting, oops I mean fighting, of course. Anyway @SortingItOut am taking your advice about FB groups, I tend to do nothing ( my yoga teacher also flaked after lockdown and it never got restarted, sadly) so need to expand the friendship circle somewhat!

Re dates, well, am back on OLD and chatting to couple of them, lets see. A guy, lets call him Mr Boat, really whisked me away, literally back in Feb.. we had 4 lovely dates and ended up in a hotel ( ooer) which was ALOT of fun. Then he did a slow fade but every hopeful, I hung around. Anyway he had his reasons, and now is hinting at a reunion. So, I shall sit him on the backburner, whilst I ' interview' for a new FWB situation.

Plenty of ' cock' out there, ladies, its just sorting the 'cock' from the 'dick'... at this point!😳

I hear you Signora just mental time with kids for me too… enjoy FB search!

@Mila14 ooooop sounds like a flavoursone situation you’ve got yourself in!! Think id just be preening if i was you 🥰

@Daisysunset you are WAY better than you're letting him treat you!! Spoil yourself, treat yourself like a queen, and remember who you are.

@Thisisworsethananticpated it can’t be helped lovey don’t be hard on yourself.. one small step back THREE huge steps forward hey 🤍🤍

Don't beat yourself up @Thisisworsethananticpated - if you needed to contact him to get it out of your system then you had to do it. If you hadn't done it today, maybe tomorrow or the next day and then it would be a further step back.

I know I need to knock Mr Train in the head - not literally although that's tempting. Before I even read the book I knew he was unavailable, but I need to stop things when it's right for me. I'm still too invested in him so it won't work; it sounds terrible but once I've identified a few more non negotiables I'll find it easier to break things off and not be tempted back.

Thank you @ButterflyOfShay - I know I am really, I just need a push to get me through this.

Isn't it funny how well we can see issues for others and give advice, but we find it so hard to follow through for ourselves. Just as I type some responses to some of you I cringe inside as I'm suggesting you do exactly what I can't!

It’s ok @Daisysunset we all support each other on here!! Hopefully you will start to feel stronger and make your move.
There’s a really funny cat clip i want to post but can’t seem to. The kitty starts off all friendly and nice then suddenly turns psychotic and the caption is about just telling someone to fuck off if you need to do it. It would fit in so nicely here! 🥹

yes, it’s always so much easier to see things for other people!

Ive arranged to meet Mr Sleazy, but for morning coffee, not a shag. This maybe doesn’t sound that nice, but because I’m not keen on him, I’ve found it easy to set boundaries and be firm, and it’s worked! He’s stopped pestering me to meet, and no suggestive messages. So he can be a practice date. He’s very confident, so I feel it’s ok to do this!

@GoldenMirror Good to have a coffee date to test your feelings first - when are you meeting?

Thanks @Daisysunset , Thursday morning. As set by me, firmly 😃 I’m also going to set out all boundaries before even thinking of shagging him, and not going to his house, we live in different towns so meeting half way.

I feel for you with Mr Train, so difficult

This is a great turn of events @GoldenMirror - you sound firmly in control and able to call the shots and make him realise that you’re not down for things escalating in that way so quickly. Will be very interested to see how the coffee goes!

@ButterflyOfShay oh yes I can envisage the sweet kitten clip. Why do some men I meet start off all cutey and then turn into demonic nightmares...?

Oh my goodness…met Mr O tonight… chemistry through the roof. We ended up kissing and making out in the street!! He’s wonderful . Fucking nuts position to be in. Mr A texting me non stop as I went radio silent and Mr Ex looking forward to meeting tomorrow for lunch. I’m emotionally exhausted…I just wanted to be with Mr O although we are complete opposites

That sounds amazing @Mila14 !
No need to make any decisions now, just enjoy thinking about your wonderful evening 🥰

Mila14

lordy
is this the widower ?
and mr a is the nice one ?

you are due some chemistry hotness

don’t get overwhelmed
you can handle 3 !!

@Mila14 kissing hotness is just so good …

*unhelpful 🤣