Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Does anyone find themselves getting a little addicted to, I guess, the dopamine hit everytime you hear from an iron/potential? To the point where …..

basically yes
that’s been my rather strange hobby since I took up OLD a year ago

it’s normal , but healthy ? I have had many moments where I suspect maybe it isn’t !!!

@LuckyLinda3 I think you've handled it well and are doing the right thing, taking time to reflect/consider and not shutting anything down fully at this stage.

@Mila14 I hope your date comes off tonight but I applaud your boundaries 👏

As for me, got a match yesterday who has already asked to meet but I think I'm going to step away - am I being harsh in judging someone who has 5 kids but currently doesn't see them "because of a long story". I don't like drama in my life so this just seems secondhand drama I don't need. Also - looking far onto future the thought of 8 kids between us (his younger too) does not interest me 😱😄

@Slothmomma … 5 kids and doesn’t see any of them… RED FLAG. I would pass on that honestly. I don’t mind 5 kids in any man but him being involved in their lives in whatever way is important. Kindness matters

Yeah @Mila14 it's either his choice or he's involved in a custody battle neither of which appeals

@SortingItOut life is exactly fine! Good (but not v local) friends, good (bit dull) job, good hobbies! But nothing makes me as happy or makes me as restless as hearing/not hearing from the irons. Which I’m aware is a bit silly. Writing it out like this is def making me realise I need to stop behaving like a teenage girl about this and focus on enjoying the rest of my life rather than waiting for boys 😂

thanks for the food for thought Hope your dating situ gets better. You deserve something lovely.

Everyone on the thread deserves something lovely tbf. You’re all hella strong!

Slothmomma

aye , that’s a bit of a red flag sadly

@DisappearingHelen i remember you vaguely from a while back. And its this reason i can‘t stand the apps. Ugh! Waiting and trying to decipher feelings from texts… then wondering all the time and being in limbo. Never again for me! 😂
And i suppose ties right in with this crappy situation i‘m in now, i actually thought i was past that stage with MM??!!! I really did!
Found my phone! Still 1 grey tick next to his name/photo… 😔 Will be 3 weeks on Monday. Must have had a better offer while on holiday. Well thats me single for a long while again.

@Naimee87 do you think MM could have 2 phones ? or dual SIM ? I'm not hugely up on these things but if you can see his picture on WA but only 1 tick then you're not blocked but the message hasn't yet reached him. Have you tried ringing him not from your phone? This situation would drive me mad and I would fluctuate between thinking something serious must have happened to he's a total knobhead who doesn't deserve any more of my time. I loathe ghosters. Just say thanks for everything but this isn't for me anymore and then everyone knows what the score is.

@Stepcount he does have two phones. He doesnt live in the country he works in and i live in the country he works in and have this number. I never bothered to ask about the other phone really. Never needed to as we were always in great contact. But i know the whole two phone scandal thing... as in maybe he had multiple women on the go using two phones. But i truly never though this of him. Could have easily checked the other if i wanted he never hid it. He absolutely seemed genuine. But honestly now who the fuck knows! I dont know if next week i may try to reach him on another channel? the old number maybe or via email. But even then unless something properly catastrophic has happened there isnt much coming back from this is there...

Can I join please ?

@Thisisworsethananticpated he's come back to explain that he has contact through a court order that he applied for but oldest 3 rarely come over anyway but hasn't said why contact has currently stopped for youngest two - I don't think I'll push any further and will just let him go

Slothmomma

yeah feels harsh
but this shit is always messy
never easy or clean

Thank you everyone for your congratulations about the new job and sorry for not coming back yesterday I was still very much on a high and was slowly peeling myself off the ceiling 😂. The job will be amazing, the benefits mean I will never pay full price for a holiday again. The lady I spoke to yesterday had been to Ibiza this summer too so we were comparing stories and places to go. They all seem really nice and enthusiastic. Just waiting on the contract so I can hand my notice in.

I'm just a little sad that Mr Cricket isn't around as he has been so encouraging. He was right there was a job with my name on it.

Hi SideshowAuntSallly We used to talk on the '40' threads (my name was Angel)
Your new job sounds amazing! Well done you! Brilliant news. Cheap holidays too, can't be bad

I've been fine all of these 6 weeks holidays without a man or even looking for one much (let's not mention the thing with MrSR)

Anyway, I've spent the day sat next to this new couple who met online & are now merging their children & I'm feeling sooo envious! Envy is such a bad feeling & it's bought me right down
Just feeling sorry for myself & thinking 'Will that ever be me?' Aaaarrrggghhh!

(I'm not being nosy, much, they are just sat within ear-shot!)

Naimee Sounds very frustrating, I agree there's no coming back from that sadly.

LuckyLinda I've briefly caught up, I hope you are ok today after all that

Slothmomma Sounds like the right decision. If he hasn't been completely upfront about it then I'd think he's hiding something.

News from MrO. We are meeting for drinks after all … he’s booked nice place
I think he’s still a bit pissed off as he’s quite quiet!!. Oh well… I will wear ultra sexy gear and sky high heels 😂😂😂

@SideshowAuntSallly congratulations on the new job! You'll smash it ❤️

Mila Good luck! I hope it goes well & I know you will look amazing

Thank you❤️❤️❤️i might seduce him and shag him senseless 😂😂😂in the words of super Worsy

Ummmm YES! I find NOTHING gives me more of a high than hearing from someone I like. I find that so annoying too. I enjoy other stuff a lot and have loads of interests but nothing turns me upside down like hearing from a hotty 😂🙈

all newbies and lurkers welcome 👋

@NervesOfCotton it’s horrible when you’ve been in a good place then bam something just rocks your boat ☹️ I know you don’t mean to feel any envy its more just wistful isn’t it… I get that 💗💗

Thanks Butterfly. How are you?
It is... I don't even want to merge my kids with anybody else is the stupid thing! I just want a little bit of what they had.

@Slothmomma and @NervesOfCotton thanks ladies. Had a lovely wee day with my daughter and sister, we just went for lunch, shopped, had dinner with loads of laughs. Great to forget about it all for a few hours. Hes been messaging on and off today, suggested meeting up tonight but I said id rather he just enjoys his boys day/night on Saturday and we can meet again at the start of the week. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Let's believe💞

@Naimee87 I remember you too vaguely. I'd like to think I'd have moved on after all this time but still seem to be spinning wheels. Can't believe your situation. Could he have physically lost his phone perhaps? Like lost, then the battery died and so now no messages are being delivered to him. If that had happened did he have other means to get in touch with you? Like the email? If so then he's gotta just be a jerk and I don't blame you for letting it drop. Hope feelings you have for him disappear rapidly in that case!

@Thisisworsethananticpated Normal but unhealthy is...okay. Glad it's normal. I can work on the unhealthy. Maybe starting next week!

I have a FWB, let's call him MrC, and he and I have incredible chemistry and get on well but overall we're incompatible so aren't actually dating. On a bad day I get googly over him and can't wait to hear from him though. On a good day I'm really happy to have him for the bits I get him and glad to leave him the rest! This week has been awesome with him and I keep thinking about him and been desperate to hear from him constantly. But need to stop. We only work like this and I'll ruin it if I get googly too often!!

So I've been distracting myself when I can. But the only thing that really has worked is talking to some of the other irons (new ones - nothing to write home about yet). I might need to put myself on an iron diet and limit my contact with them all to just a couple of windows a day so I concentrate on real life the rest of the time!

Anyway, anyone else log on this morning to find out how @Mila14 and MrO got on? 😀

@DisappearingHelen i’d love to think that was the explanation! Or somethings happened which has made it impossible to reach me but 9/10 its the classic ‘they lost interest/just not that into you’ scenario. I absolutely thought he was better than that and that we were enjoying seeing each other. He has my email, but can’t recall seeing anything from him. Think i’ll take this weekend to just relax and try get him out of my head. But its hard when the tiniest things remind you of them. I’m trying to convince DS to sort his room out so we can go to a indoor waterpark tomorrow! It’s amazing!

If you’ve got this FWB situation going on isn’t that getting in the way of meeting/establishing a deeper connection with someone else? But if it works for you then do whatever makes you happy. Chemistry with MM was there from day 1, makes it even harder to know i’ll never get to go there again… mega 1st world problems 😂