Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Welcome home Worsy!!!

So I follow a pilot on Instagram (I also follow a guy that works airside, I'm a massive plane geek after all). So I get a follow request from this pilot on another account(it's private) obviously I'm sceptical but he's started messaging me. We have interacted on his posts on his public account so it isn't random. I query the 2nd account, he says it for loved ones and fans (ego much!).

He wants to get to know me more. How do I get past the scepticism? And why do I automatically assume its fake?

On another topic I got a new job today. I'm so happy, it's working for a company doing something I'm passionate about and I can't wait to hand my notice in to my bully bitch of a manager.

The English is terrible on the 2nd account. "Have you ever fly with me" is one example, another was "Am always flying today trip was awesome and cool." This man is supposed to be a clever man (also ex police) and from Mr Cricket I know you have to be pretty smart to be a pilot. So to be unable to write proper English is giving me red flags.

@Mila14 I’m a fan of that line in Desiderata “whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should” and that’s the case here too… it feels natural and unstoppable and indeed for you both it is right now. 🙂 I think you’re right re MrA and it’s a shame that he doesn’t see that.

@Thisisworsethananticpated that’s a hell of a journey 😵‍💫 Glad you have the DC back and hope you at least got a decent hug out of them!

One more day of my holiday with my DC left… it’s been surprisingly lovely (with intermittent teenagery moments). Looking forward to seeing MrN next Wednesday for his birthday and have today booked our first weekend away in October - all feels calm and lovely although I’m still battling against the fact there’s no drama… it would seem I don’t quite know how to handle straightforward emotional availability when I stumble across it 🧐

@SideshowAuntSallly (or @SideshowAuntSally🧐) Any randomer saying they want to get to know me better on Instagram would be an instant block. Do you have a pilot fetish?!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs no pilot fetish😂. I do have a thing for planes though (I have a matchbox boeing 747 on my desk that I got on a plane as a child). It doesn't sit right with me, he tells me he's from one place then says another. His airline doesn't fly from the place he says he stays.

And don't worry about the name I couldn't get into my other account.

@SideshowAuntSallly …I don’t understand…why lie about being a pilot??…why to accounts FB and why does a pilot has fans?? Too weird.
congrats on your new job though. Super well done

@ButterflyOfShay absolutely, moving on so quickly is hard to accept. Makes you doubt their feelings for you.

@Mila14 that's my feeling too. It's all too weird. The poor English bugs me. The fact when I mentioned the training he said I was funny. I wasn't being funny, I know how much training they do from Mr Cricket (I haven't mentioned I actually know a pilot). I asked him where in London he comes from, he changed it to Bristol. I think he'll be blocked,if it's really him he can message from the other account.

And thanks 😊 I'm super chuffed but now can't sleep for the excitement.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm not sure it is shitty advice! So have you gone back online soon after a break up previously? I am just not feeling it at the minute but will reassess maybe in the new year. I don't expect to hear from him again either. He will be enjoying the "newness" too much.

SortingItOut
LuckyLinda

for what it’s worth I have no doubt that both your irons adored you
and are doubtless just as sad as you are at the ending
and if they said nice things , they meant them !

and they (poor chaps !) don’t have a female support network like we did

just because it ended for basically ‘incompatibility’ it doesn’t mean it didn’t mean anything and that they didn’t care

Linda I went on hinge two days after my previous and met Balkan two days later
and every time we majorly blipped ( basically he was having depressive episodes I know now ) I’d pick up previous conversations as I liked the attention
pathetic I know !

and Sorting / maybes he’s taking a sensible break ! That’s feasible

SideshowAuntSallly

sounds a bit shady I’m afraid
but very good you are back out there 👍👍👍

SideshowAuntSallly

and even better abiut the new job !!!!
wowser

I'm really not having much luck on the apps
I just blocked the only person who I'd actually had a conversation with as I was getting weird vibes
If I didn't answer quick enough he'd double message. Then ask if he'd been ghosted . Then message me good morning at 6am etc. just felt a bit full on for someone you've never met

🧡🧡

@Thisisworsethananticpated Thank you 😘
I know Mr K will be missing me but god it's bloody tough sometimes
Just need my period to go and I'll be fine again just carrying on with life.

I was out with my women's group last night at the seaside, we had a walk along the seafront, a dip in the sea and then chips on the seafront - I always come away feeling amazing and invigorated 🥰

@Daisysunset How did you get on yesterday?

Mila14

just take one day at a time
yes it’s rather mental between you both right now !
but you are both horny humans caught up in the chemistry and it’s all rather addictive

remember how smitten you were over wall
and you hadnt even met him !

but to some extent this stage is so exciting and so fun you probably are going to get swept away

but the all day whatsapping will eventually tire you out !!!

SortingItOut

this sadness is unfortunately the (heavy ) price we pay for having had this emotional and sexual connection

why do me and Balkan keep
leaping onto his bed ? Because as fucked up as we are , we are happier after we see each other

and if I’ve learnt anything this summer , I can’t pin this shit 100% on my exes
im a hot mess too

I reiterate you are doing really well and he is doubtless as sad as you

roll on a better less bothered period free day

@SortingItOut It went better than I thought, I thought I'd feel awkward but she was lovely and just gently teased out of me where my head was. Once I'd started talking the floodgates opened, and there were some tears but not in a bad way if you know what I mean, more as a release. I'm looking forward to the next session - I've got a very straightforward past really, I've been so fortunate not to have any trauma n the past, so I think the issues are in my head, and my interpretation of certain events rather than what actually happened.

I've ended things with Mr Train. We hadn't spoken on the phone for weeks, no plans to see each other so I did it by text. I know that might seem cowardly but there seemed no point arranging a meeting just for that as we live an hour apart, and I knew he wasn't going to be overly bothered anyway.

And he wasn't really - just an 'okay, good luck for the future'. Fee a little wounded as I've spent a lot of emotional energy on this one, far too much really, but I hope that's what the counselling will hope me unravel.
I just know he will be thinking, probably unconsciously 'I knew it wasn't going to work, just as well I didn't put much of myself into it' and he'll go on to the next doomed-to-fail relationship.

@Naimee87 Did you hear anything from MM?

And congratulations @SideshowAuntSallly, that's exciting news!

Daisysunset

wow
well done girl
Jasyus !!!

I’ve been away for 35 hours and you have
both started therapy and ended things

be careful and kind with yourself over the next few days and weeks

you did like him and some sad feelings will inevitably bubble up
keep posting xxxx

Daisysunset

and he will feel a bit sad and shit and horrible
he has feelings !
but they are so deep down no one will ever know least of all him

i almost pity him
really x

@Thisisworsethananticpated I've just started to cry now, I think putting it in writing has brought it home. And he's just texted to say he thinks I'm amazing and he wishes it hadn't ended.

I know it was the right thing to, but he was so lovely, and I really felt we got each other initially, I just loved spending time with him.

I thought I'd found my lobster ☹️

Daisysunset
❤️ ❤️❤️❤️

maybe send him a copy of the book (that damm book!!!! )
say read this mofo and understand WHY

xx.

but there is nothing to be lost by explaining why when less fragile

it bugs me how we need to end romantic attachments so fast . But sometimes it has to be that way but I’m a huge fan of debriefs

@Daisysunset I'm glad it went well, tears are to be expected.
I sobbed my way through my first few sessions.

I'm pleased you found the strength to end it, his messages today are breadcrumbing. He wants you in his life because you didn't expect much from him and he could continue as he was.
Although he is lovely, he is emotionally unavailable and that won't change unless he works on himself.

@Daisysunset thats amazing you’ve done that - am so impressed… it is not easy! It’s hard when they are lovely and are kind to us but STILL emotionally unavailable and giving very little. These things are much more nuanced than “he’s a bastard, end it”.

Don’t underestimate the impact making this stand will have in time on your self-esteem - this is you loving yourself and making a stand for what your heart needs. It needs more and that’s normal and healthy.