Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ButterflyOfShay Hello!!!!! How are you doing. Something about Mr.Turk and no
apps? Never doing them again swear on everything! 100% awful. And yes the whole MM thing has thrown me. No warning signs he was going to do this… and i cannot make any excuses either. If i don‘t hear this week then i‘ll take the silence as a message thats loud and clear… will be hard but i‘m soooo close to making it as a trucker i‘ll focus on that!

@Naimee87 I don't know your back story, but that sound like awful behaviour from your Mr Magnet. I just can't understand some men - why would he do that to you after a year?

Your head must be spinning

@LuckyLinda3 Is he telling you his weekend plans in the hope of making you jealous or so you think you're missing out and ask to get back together?

I assume his weekend plans involve drinking....did he want to do anything that didn't involve drinking?

@LuckyLinda3 I’d just not reply! And @Daisysunset same! Just blank them! If they want a proper conversation then they can ask like a grown up?

@Naimee87 he is more than a FWB hey, the guy definitely gives a shit about you, does he know where you live?

No sightings of Turk whatsoever …

@Naimee87 it’s got to be a year since I’ve been on any app, just wasn’t for me I hated the things personally!

@SortingItOut I knew about his lads night out for a while but he may have embellished it a little. Yes it involves football and drinking, I'm not remotely jealous nor will it make me ask to get back together.

@ButterflyOfShay that kinda thing doesnt phase me at all, I've never cared about him socialising so I'm not going to start now.

What do you think the story is with Turk?

@LuckyLinda3 I think he’s trying to patch things up with you don’t you? He must have realised he misses you.

I dunno really, kind of can’t be bothered thinking about it. My work’s going to be ramping right up from next week so im really focussing on that at the mo. Going stone cold sober after tomorrow night til Christmas.. quite glad I don’t have any men stressing me out 🙂 99 other problems! 😂

@Daisysunset its a been a whirlwind with this man. On/Off but FWB…never anymore. He doesn‘t live in the same country as me. I‘m not in the UK. So we always had a lot of obstacles and this is our ‚second‘ time round. I did try my absolute hardest to resist
temptation and failed. But sooooo wasn‘t expecting this. I really don‘t know what to do or how to feel…
@ButterflyOfShay its just not fun is it. Now that we can get out a bit more i‘m doing my best to make plans and try to regularly see friends and go out one evening a week, see if i can be a bit more social. I‘m waaaay toooo content at home. DS and our tiny pug keep me entertained enough and i like my own company! Plus truck study/lessons take up a fair bit of free time. But that‘s why MM was so fun he was like a nice added bonus to everything. Now who know‘s whats going on??!

@ButterflyOfShay I'm thinking the same. Knuckle down for the winter, clear the head. A lot to be said for peace of mind too. Fair play on going sober, you obviously have good willpower!

No no. That’s why I wrote to MrA. I don’t want to see anyone but HIM. MrO. I only have headspace for him. I know this is very uncool but he’s just amazing. If I crash I crash but I want to be honest here. I’m 100% in with MrO. I have not asked him what he’s doing or whether he’s seeing any other people , nothing at all…I know it’s mental but I as Worsy says… you need to break eggs to do omelette

@Mila14 I really hope Mr o is everything you think you get your happy but please try and protect yourself a little - everything you have written above I could have written about Mr city - even down to the stopping in the street after first date for a smooch - and a second date that lasted nearly all day and had us sat discussing all sorts, laughing and being really affectionate with each other - only for next day to receive the message that he'd been on another date that night and effectively wanted to keep his options open 🤦‍♀️ to say I was gutted was an understatement as I've genuinely never clicked with anyone like him off a dating app before. That's not to say we shouldn't be excited about new people (as what's the point otherwise) but you seem like such a lovely person I'd hate for you to get hurt x

@Mila14 I totally agree with that, and when I eventually extricate myself from Mr Train and hopefully find my Mr O, I'm going to be all in too.

I realise I sound like I'm on commission here, but Mr U and the FBG makes you think about your own unavailability and what you project. I'm going to make sure I project the right vibes next time - I'll tell the universe what I want and hope it listens!

@Naimee87 Ouch, that must hurt. I admire you managing FWB for so long, you must have a really strong sense of what you want and need. What an absolute tool MM is to treat you this way. Even if he comes back tomorrow he's broken something between you:

LuckyLinda3

agree he wants to pretend nothing happened and be friends again

If you think he’s worth it this could help push a conversation

but I sense he’s bruised you recently and you really need some thinking 🤔 time

Mila14

ah give it a go with him MrO . You seem pretty resilient and we will be here ! You need to get that shag out of the way

as for A well he’s keeping his options open and dating around , nowt wrong with that

Daisysunset

ha
so so predictable isn’t it ?

Signoramarella

ce cazzo ! Tangled mess !
I’m glad you were only pissed off for two hours

ive just landed in italy for my ‘child custody’ travel collection leg

I still like Italian men , and Italians I have to say
next year I’ll travel around a bit

Hi everyone! Just thought I’d pop in here as wanted a bit of advice/perspective. I recently went on a third date with someone and seems to be potential, but the subject of previous dates came up and she revealed the last guy she dated they pretty much just did the first date and thereafter always went over to his house to see him. For like a couple of days every week for over a month. I figured (but didn’t say out loud) he was a FWB/they were hooking up but she was quite adamant she didn’t do either and doesn’t multi-date. To her this was a quite natural dating relationship.

This has made me question my whole attitude and approach to dating. I usually go for a quick drink to get to know each other first, then follow up with something more thought out/special if all went well. With this person, first date was drinks followed by a meal (as we clicked and were having fun), followed by an afternoon out and rural pub meal, then a more romantic date at fancy restaurant for the third. I kind of bought into the whole notion that dating involved going on dates.

So… am I maybe overthinking this? Is it actually more acceptable these days to do the initial drink/meet and then if all goes well jump straight to your place or mine for the second? And then just hang out at each other’s houses for all following “dates”? Been out of the loop for so long!

@Heartsearch I think this might be an “it depends “ question?
im probably more in your camp with the first few actual dates being at pubs / restaurants etc, moving to “home dates / sleepovers dates”, a bit later, but I’m old and old fashioned, younger ppl might not do that or even be able to afford to .tbh., plus my date has a DC at home as well.

But Im sure there will others along soon with more of an idea., but good luck

@Heartsearch I think I'm with @HowlongWillThisTakeNow on this one but as he says - could be a generation thing.

I'd expect the dates to progress as he described; I think I might feel cheated or rushed if going to his/my house was a second date suggestion.

And I'd also want my fair share of actual dates rather than just sleepovers too.

@Thisisworsethananticpated enjoy your collection travel! I love travelling alone fun isn’t it?? Freedom 😄

@Heartsearch think it completely depends on each individual, everyone wants different things!

💟💟

@SortingItOut Great quote - I'm thinking a lot about the second statement as I think that's where I get lost; over time I convince myself I want whatever crumbs I'm being offered. But I'm working on that!

And I took your advice and looked for a BACP counsellor - first 30 minutes getting-to-know-me session this morning 😬

@Daisysunset When you start really looking at yourself its very interesting what you discover.
We definitely all need to work on ourselves, what we want and what we deserve.

That's really great, hope it goes well.