Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Oh Daisy…why don’t you take a break from him and check other irons?? Or just take a bit of time to regroup with yourself and feel stronger…he’s not going to change tack I think

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm in a small town outside a large city but distance settings are 15 miles so fewer options unfortunately

So I am going on a first date at some point this weekend. He seems so nice, gentle and friendly in his messages which is unusual. He is free all weekend, so I just need to get back to him with a time that suits my schedule. He gave me his surname so I could check him online. All good. He is a very nice looking, and solvent guy from what I can see - great job, career, close to his family etc. He has been online dating for 3-4 years which surprises me. He is great on paper - if he were that great, he would have been snapped up by now? He's mid 40s. Wants a wife and family. I can't help think there must be something wrong!

@Datingadvice by that logic you're saying there must be something wrong with all of us singles on here 🤷‍♀️ I could have been snapped up over past 3 years but chose not to just settle - nothing wrong with me

Slothmomma I believe it's different for women - we aren't as fortunate as men. Quality of women is much higher and men are spoilt for choice IMO. Especially in middle aged and when men are dating younger women etc.

Nothing wrong with that @Datingadvice …he may have dated someone in this time and it didn’t progress. You can ask for his dating history when you are ready for that. I always ask. He wants a wife and family so I think that is great 😊

That's true Mila14 - I have been dating my whole life!

I agree with @Datingadvice - I know there are exceptions for both, however I don't believe the men are as high quality as the women. Any decent man will be snapped up because we women know how difficult it is to find a decent one. Yet in my opinion men don't appreciate what they have and easily move on to the next.

I realise that I am at fault in not closing down emotionally unavailable men quickly, hence my awful history, however I'm not making them emotionally unavailable - it's just the way they are, and imo there's a lot of men out there who think they should say they want relationships but in reality just want sex.

As a man in his 50s, I would say, both of your statements do not really stand up to scrutiny. I was most not spoiled for choice, and the quality of (some) women is most certainly not that high

Which is why I said there are exceptions for both.

I don't imagine for one second there are the same volume of men in their 50s working on themselves to be the best person they can be in relationships, reading books and agonising over what they've done wrong. Or seeking counselling to heal past trauma, or seeking guidance from friends.

So you may well be an exception @HowlongWillThisTakeNow and the fact you are on this thread asking for help and support and suggestions indicate to me that you are, however ime men like you are few and far between.

@Daisysunset
im going to have to disagree with you again, I’m an average man, living an average life in small rural market town about 30 miles from a small city. On OLD, this supposed big pool of quality women becomes very small once you filter on age, distance, hobbies etc., a very small pool indeed.

in a metropolitan area it might be different, but based on my experience, ( and that of some other men I have chatted to via this forum), OLD is pretty much a waste of time for most men ( was for me),but I have met someone IRL, and it’s great.

How many average men are on this predominantly female forum asking for advice and support thought?

To me that indicates a higher lever of self awareness and a desire for a meaningful relationship. This doesn't correspond with my experience on OLD.

Hi all, so many new names on here! I remain off the apps until I get some time back for myself after the school holidays so nothing to report. Page marking for now and I'll catch up with what's been going on x

Haha was that me @NervesOfCotton 😂 I used to swipe through so quickly I think I could complete it in a day 😅

@katmunchkin weird how he hasn’t asked you??

That sounds amazing sweet, how you feeling now?? 💕💕

Hi Butterfly. Haha, I havn't been on Tinder but I think completing it in a day is something impressive, shows you have standards

Haha Meno perma horn state, I love it! Yes I am mostly there too, christ, and not a cock in sight!

Yes from 2023 my ds will do Easter / Summer with exdh so that will be a massive relief.

I set my boundary at 30 miles too and swiped ' em all!

😂😂😂😝 glad you get a good respite…bring on the cock!!

Signoramarella

yeah well I’m not sure if my state leads me to making good decisions a lot of the time !
in fact it doesn’t let’s be honest

I don’t mind rarely having periods though

Signoramarella

same , is your ex overseas ?

Try living in the SW, you can complete it in about an hour...

ButterflyOfShay

how are you keeping over this bank holiday weekend ?

i actually hate bank holidays , always have !

I’m really good thanks for asking 🤍 had a long day out with a good pal yesterday and been on an art course today. Still no irons or anything at all kind of don’t even massively think about it anymore 😂

I'm naturally quite a reserved person, especially when it comes to intimacy etc after being messed around a lot when younger. But it's definitely on the cards and we've spoken about it etc. He says all the right things and I'm confident he's not messing me around or playing me etc, I just need this last little bit of reassurance (sad, I know!)