Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Yes, plus imo he is absolutely gorgeous. He's funny, he's clever, we have the same values on a lot of things, but he's just so damn emotionally unavailable.

I've never clicked with anyone like this before, in many years of OLD, which is what is making me so reluctant to end things finally.

I made a fake profile on Tinder just to see what was out there, and I didn't find anyone even remotely attractive, so I scurry back to Mr Train thinking I'll put up with what he offers because he's so hot and makes me laugh. But that's not really enough, I know that.

Mila14

i think you have to shag him
but with iron clad boundaries

actually Balkan is very VERY ‘tired’ so not at my beck and call !
annoyingly I’m in some peri meno perma horn state

Daisysunset

god same
and then I don’t fancy them (other ones )
and scurry back

it’s a journey sista !

honestly sooner or later he will be so vile and let you down so much you will start to get a different feeling

fedup078

maybe take a 72 hour break from all the apps
j cannot imagine ‘finishing’ tinder
that’s alot of screen time

it’s not good for the 🧠 x

@Mila14 Yes, he is nice to me. Not romantic at all but every now and then he comes out with something that makes me hold out for a little longer - last time I saw him he said his heart was happy to see me, which made me melt as he says things like that so rarely.

Yep @Mila14 - I'm just coming to end of my chidlfree week and only managed one date that was Monday with no other options but now matched with 6 🤦‍♀️

@Thisisworsethananticpated it'd not that much screen time for me as my distance settings are pretty low (so not many to swipe through) as I have limited childfree time so don't want to spend it sitting on motorways for dates 😆

@Thisisworsethananticpated that's what I'm thinking, I know it would be better to cut ties now but I'll wait until I'm not feeling it 100% then it will stop me thinking "what if..."

@Mila14 imagine the sexual tension sitting across him at a restaurant 🔥🔥🔥

Yeah I also have my distance setting low so it really didn't take me long

I think there’s no other way to get this sorted Worsy …we need a good shag…get that out of the way. I wanted him the moment I saw him. It was just unbelievable attraction. Same for him…

I totally get Mr Train and Balkan…good looking fun and sexy men but I can’t think I want invest in someone like that right now. I have one advantage I think… mr Ex. He is very handsome ( not as sexy and handsome as Mr O ) and treats me like a queen but he’s with his personal demons and alcohol and his cave. Previously he was all I wanted. Now I only want him “that way” when my date with an iron was crap or I don’t like anyone.

I think the pressure is on because we are constrained by kids and work and also we, as women, have to look flawless after 35 while men start getting foxy and sexy… we worry about cellulite . I can only get invested in someone with potential to share a huge chunk of his life with me.

if that’s not Mr O…god bless his immense sexiness but I will move on fast.

Slothmomma I used to speak to somebody on here who 'Finished' Tinder every few days!
It probably does depend a lot on distance. I've got my distance set at 30 miles, also because of limited child free time, so my dating pool is teeny tiny!

Daisysunset Aww, that's a sweet thing to say! But you have your guard up so all good

Mila Ooh I love a sexy dream! Lovely to have a choice between 2. You go girl

How do I ask someone whether they're still actively on dating apps or seeing other people? We met about 3 months ago on Bumble and have been on 10 dates so far. Haven't slept together but had a fumble at his... I don't want to sleep with him if he's still seeing other people etc, but I really want to go to the next step.
Unfortunately I have the annoying personality trait that if there's a chance I may not like the answer, I'm too scared to ask the question, so I go round with my head in the sand! Had no inclinations he's seeing other people btw, I just want to know! There's also been no conversation as to where we are going, what are we etc, and after 3 months I'm starting to want to know!

Ah I see ….
im London so tinder was like ikea
never ever ending
and a tad soul destroying

1000s Of them

@katmunchkin …3 months is a really good time. I’m amazed you fancy each other crazy and there’s been no move to DTD but I see your reservations. You have been on 10 dates…if you like each other massively he should not be seeing other women. He should just be thinking of seeing you all his free time. I think you need to si if you have a suspicion.

@katmunchkin …it’s strange there’s no chat about you as a couple after 10 dates 😳…you need to sit and communicate

I went on tinder once and deleted on the same day…😳

@katmunchkin I have the same personality trait, I keep thinking I should bite the bullet with questions when I'm thinking things through but in reality I just can't. I'm so strong in my professional life but ridiculously weak in my personal life.

I'm so bad... we'll be walking somewhere and I'll be thinking "by the next tree I'll say something..." and then I won't, so I'll think the next time a red car passes us and on and on it goes.

Then when I finally asking the question I phrase it badly, rush what I say and don't give him a chance to answer properly by more or less putting words in his mouth, so I've had all that angst for nothing because I'm no nearer getting an answer to what I want to know.

@katmunchkin see the 2nd post of this thread, it has the questions you need to ask.
It is hard but you need to do it.

Sorry for the lateness, was up at 5am and with my women's group at 6am for yoga and sea swim.

@Daisysunset …you can decide not to ask if you feel safe he adores you I think…if there’s no clear move and you are unsure you need to ask

I don't think he adores me 😞

Sometimes I can't tell if he even likes me that much.

You are my hero 😊

DaisyS…this is not good lovely…You are looking for a relationship with him not a FWB…I think it would be good to talk. Maybe he feels you are not that interested in him?? This lack of communication goes both ways

@Mila14 He knows I like him; it's in my nature to be tactile and complimentary, I've said several times how important he is to me and how much I think of him, though not so much recently as I just wasn't getting anything back and felt silly.