Dating Thread 232 - Loving Ourselves First

[SortingItOut]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I also thing after a rupture
the time out IS painful ….
but it goes allow for thinking space

@LuckyLinda3 …it’s too early. But you will start feeling better soon. Worsy is right. Yours is a serious relationship and with time…start looking around

MrO carefully texting sweet sexy things but ever so measured…OMG I had to say I need to go because I don’t want to go silly. Restraint and tease…
its not looking good for Mr A…

Enjoy the sweet sexy texts @Mila14 , can't remember the last time I got those.

My slow retreat from Mr Train took a big step today - I had a funeral to attend and he didn't ask how I was after it. He completely blanked me when I mentioned it - over text, he's on holiday. So now I'm thinking he not just unavailable, he's downright rude. Who doesn't express sympathy when someone has been to a funeral? 😠

Check in from hols… @Mila14 I definitely think you should give MrA a second date unless it feels like his investment is way too much… could you gently intimate that you ARE multi dating..?

@NervesOfCotton and @Thisisworsethananticpated thank you. Yes we have been in each others lives long enough for it to be a big loss. And stupidly part of me wanted him to fight for us but I also know after getting over my marriage break up I can deal with anything, it will just take time. Hopefully everyone has a nice weekend ahead.

There’s something faintly miserable about completing Tinder… has happened to me too - certainly no badge of honour! 😬 I think that’s what “forced” me onto other apps… finger RSI from endlessly swiping left on a sea of goons. Try Feeld (if you have a “head for heights”)

Thanks @Mila14. Hopefully you're right, enjoy every minute of your situation.

@LuckyLinda3 i feel for you… you sound like you’re doing brilliantly in the face of a real loss.

I do think though that you may look back and think actually this was never going to be enough. Seeing each other rarely and then relegated to watching on at the local pub as he tended to everyone else’s needs - how is that ever going to be enough? You deserve to have more.

This doesn’t detract from the pain right now though. It will get better, and you sound like you’ve handled it with real grace.

@Daisysunset …he’s very rude, remind me again how much have you dated him and whether it was a serious thing. In any case it’s quite nasty not to show his sympathy. I hope you are ok after funeral. Time to move on DaisyS

@ibelieveinmirrorballs ….I can’t tell him. I’ve only been in one date with each of them. But both are now quite keen. Although Mr A just gently kiss my head and my hands…whereas Mr O…ok we were like teenagers making out in a street corner 🙄…that was just mental attraction

I don’t want to get over invested on Mr O until I see him again and see how it feels but because we have similar interests and cultural affinities I want to do everything with him. Apart from the fact I fancy him crazy obviously
Mr O is a bit too much and I don’t want to go nuts
i need a bit of time and dating although I could easily DTD with Mr O next date…I don’t think I can resist him 🤪

@Daisysunset this sounds like real progress… a bit of detachment and seeing his behaviour independently of what it means about how he feels about you. I had a similar thing recently with MrM where he got in touch after a couple of weeks and sent me a link to some music.. but didn’t bother to also say “hey, how are you?” or similar. I saw it for what it is… his slightly clumsy way of wanting to be in touch, reaching out to initiate, but not actually emotionally invested in me as a boyfriend would be. (He isn’t my boyfriend, so that’s fine, but this is how he’s always been and when we were seeing each other I took it personally).

They are entitled to be how they are, and to offer what they offer - but it’s good to see it for what it is and realise it’s not enough. Certainly not enough to warrant your exclusive attention which would lead to increasing attachment…

Hope you’re feeling okay after the funeral today and could get support elsewhere.

@Mila14 7 months, it's on its way out but I'm doing it in my own time. He's definitely not what I need, but I'm not quite strong enough to pull the plug just yet.

Have you got another date lined up with Mr O?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs aw thank you. I really appreciate that, you have made me feel better.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs that's really good phrasing - seeing his behaviour independently to how he treats me. It's made me think about him as a person, not just as someone I thought I could fall in love with.

I'm fine now thanks - the funeral was for a friend a few years younger than me; makes you think, doesn't it...

Daisysunset

yeah I’ve had that feeling
many times !

what is Mr Train bringing to the party here for you?
I’m assuming it’s hot sex ?

NervesOfCotton

chuckling at mr bungalow

your evening sounds much better

I like this thread title as it’s reminded me that actually seeing friends , getting the house sorted and having the TV remote for a change, is enough for me right now

Thisisworsethananticpated
I'm glad you are in a good place, The thread title is nice isn't it. We need to remember to think about 'Us'.

I used to get a bit... 'I havn't got the kids so I really need to try & get a date as it's my only chance!'... & That leads me to answering men that are no good. I probably would of messaged Mr bungalow again, just trying to keep the fascinating chat going.
I'm in a much better headspace now. 'No date, no problem, time for me'.

Helloa all ! @NervesOfCotton the one bed bungalow had me chortling, is that supposed to be a turn on?

Anyway @Mila14 am quite jealous of your multiple excitement, and @Thisisworsethananticpated me too, stuck at home with the dss 5th week of summer hols now NOT A SINGLE DAY OFF from childcare/chores etc.

One lovely guy from Bumble has invited me out, we are totally well matched, so it could be the start of something.

Like you all say, if its no chemistry on first meeting, theres no point pursuing. And ending up friends doesnt really work either.

Signoramarella Haha, I think so! He was moaning on about hating the area where he lives so I asked if there's a reason why he can't move, but he can't because he's got a one bed bungalow don't ya know

Good luck with new Bumble guy! Not long until schools are back then you can get a little bit of a break.x

Signoramarella

i have 80:20

so have mine non stop 🛑
but ex gets them Easter and summer

that said , I’ve been so ducking stressed this summer I’ve only started to enjoy my kid free time now

which is A terrible waste
but that’s the way it goes

one more weeks ladies 💪

In actually regretting swiping left so much now I've completed tinder
I've probably missed out on some decent dates in my haste
Considering paying for prime for 1 month

😂😂😂 …RSI in oncoming!! You need a second check

@fedup078 I've completed tinder, hinge and bumble so only get a few new swipes a day (and some repeats) so don't feel alone in that 😆

@Slothmomma hahaha me too on all 3
Downloaded ok Cupid last night and deleted it this morning

@Signoramarella …totally understand the situation. I get stressed too when I don’t have DC because I want some grown up company. These days, my dream holiday is only adult beach resort…silence and grown ups!
@NervesOfCotton …1 bed bungalows are the spice of life…apparently you are missing out and the fact that is in a bad area…oh well…think of the excitement 😂😂😂
Worsy, enjoy the rest of your me time and sit and watch telly and just relax a lot. If you need a bit of side excitement call devilish Mr Balkan for your satisfaction 😂😂. I think you are in a much better headspace now
@Daisysunset …is Mr Train at least very nice to you when you are together? you can check other irons so you are not so invested on him. He’s probably doing the same…

I woke up to a lot of messages from Mr A. But I could only think of chatting to Mr O. I could not sleep last night thinking of this man non stop. I told Mr O. He had a bad night too. I asked if he thinks of me. Answer…”all the time”
I really need to keep my head in place. We are clearly controlling what we can when we chat and I like that there’s a sexual undertone but he’s so just so right it never goes into sexting. I’m not sure I can sit down in a nice resto for second date and behave
I’m seeing him next weekend…😳

Sometimes it goes for weeks and no one to pick…one just has to have patience 😂😂😂