Hello,
Had a slight disagreement with my boyfriend.
To begin, my boyfriend is awaiting his papers from immigrations (going on for about two years now- his parents did not sort out his immigrations papers when he was younger) so he cannot work, or essentially do anything, he is staying at a shared flat and is getting a small allowance (100-200) per month and some help from a scheme.Because of this I have been helping him out financially little by little. Now of course he wants to see my regularly, but often when we go out, I know I'm going to be the one paying for almost everything and then I feel bad because I get him toiletries, food etc. So We generally see each other once a month, around my payday, as I work part time and I'm a part time carer to my mum. He also suggests things like going to the park... but I sometimes say no as you will read below.
So of course, sex is off limits at the moment. He cannot come and stay over at my house and my mum really does not like him and they do not get on. I cannot stay over at my boyfriends house because he is in a government paid shared flat and he is not allowed to bring visitors. So every month, we book a hotel and spend the day today. But of course, I pay for everything and it's eating up my salary.
So two months ago, myself and bf stayed at the hotel. This time, he paid about half of the hotel and I bought food etc. So bf has been very stressed lately, he tried to commit suicide the day before and didn't like the was I was treating him. Unfortunately, on that day, I came on my period and he became upset, saying that it was a waste of time and that I should give him the £40.00 that he paid for the hotel. I said "no because, I paid for the majority of the funds for the hotel (UK hotels are getting very expensive) plus food (which he didn't eat and there in the bin) and that I never ask him to pay just this time as money is tight'. BF got very angry and said 'Well get out and book yourself a taxi, this always happens your always on your period.". He then was threatening me saying that I should give him the money back or else. Not wanting him to get angry, I transferred him the £40.00- telling him that I am struggling financially as I'm supporting my mother, as well as taking her to various private therapies which i also partially fund from my wages.
Anyway, not wanting to get into an argument, I just went to bed and pretended that I was I'll so he doesn't get angry. Then all of a sudden, I just hear him shouting at me at 3am in the morning!! I got up and said "Bf why are you shouting?", he was telling me that he de didn't like the way I was treating him, he was getting angry. Then when I told him to stop and that I have to get up early for work tomorrow. He began to kick my back very hard on multiple occasions and I fell off the bed, he then came very close to me, with his hands clenched, looking very angry, and wanting me to admit all the things that I've done and how it's my fault. If I dared talked back, I know he would have hit me. Anyway, I managed to call him down and we both went to bed. I didn't sleep at all because of what happened. When 6am came, I immediately told Bf that I had to go because I need to go to work- which was true but also because I wanted to get out of there ASAP. He was being such a mood, he was insulting my dress /sense, saying that I did not look nice for our date night and that if I ever wear what I was wearing again he wouldn't want to hang out with me. He then dropped him off home and he was being such a bitch, shouting at me because I suggested the wrong direction to getting home, telling me that I had no common sense, people were looking at us- it was just a bad day.
When I got home, I just cried, he apologised but I told him that I wanted space and we haven't really been speaking for about a month ago.
Anyway, present day, we have been speaking on and off and things are getting back to normal. But currently, as he is so stressed because of immigration, he wants to have sex (I have known him for a long time, but when he feels sad/stressed it's like he uses my body as a stress reliever- he doesn't admit it but it's true and god for it if I deny him sex, he just gets angry). So anyway, he has been initiating that he wants sex (we haven't done it in a while). I then told him that I would be happy to see him, go somewhere, take a walk, but right now I don't feel safe to book a hotel and spend the night with him because of what happened the last time. Well you know what happened? He became very angry, saying I'm cheating on him that I should admit it to him, that I'm making up excuses, that his giving me a month and then watch, he would be in "full rage and no one can't say anything".
AIBU? I know it's been a while that we haven't had sex but I just don't feel comfortable to be in his company at present and want to wait a while. What should I do?