I won't go into loads of detail because we'd be here all day, I'm a long time sufferer of anxiety and depression. In December of last year, after months of disagreements and arguments, me and my husband went out for some drinks, when we arrived home an argument consumed and I ended up lashing out physically, and hit him to the face a couple times.
Immediately after I was wholeheartedly apologetic, it was completely out of character, I don't even remember being in control of what happened at that time - it's no excuse, totally - you should never lay hands on someone. But I totally just cracked - after months of stress and pressure from a big family fall out, I felt like my life was crumbling...
roll on 8 months later, we got into a disagreement last night over the tone in which my husband speaks to me. It's a really nasty condescending tone and quiet aggressive (even if not voices raised) he just puts me on my ass regularly with his words.
During the argument, he told me that he could treat me nicely, but, I don't deserve it after what I did to him at Christmas, and that I owe him way more than he does me...
effectively, he told me he's punishing me.
I dote on this man, take good care of him always, listened to him always, support him....
i try so hard, all the time.. and it does make sense what he said because I do tread on eggshells with what I speak to him about or how I say something so I don't get attacked by his tone or words...
Since he said that, I feel heartbroken. But I don't know if I have the right to feel how I am... it changed things for me. To think someone who should love adore and protect me is intentionally making me feel a certain way to punish me....
but, I also know what I did was a big no no. I sought private professional therapy after it happened at my own expense, and it really did help me tremendously. But I don't know if I'm expecting to much after what I did.
Or am I right in feeling this is just cruel and vindictive and I feel I need to get out. If he can't forgive me and I've done all I can to try....
Feel very lonely right now.... 